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Messages - felix rex

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Kansas State Football / Re: MURDER:CROWS::(GROUP):(POSITION)
« on: October 13, 2020, 04:44:53 AM »
A hobble of quarterbacks

Is Oklahoma Israel?
Oh wow. This is good. Yes. Absolutely.

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Qatar is Mizzou. Nobody wants them. Nobody misses them.

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Jordan is Iowa State. They’re so optimistic and a little prickly about their status even though they usually don’t accomplish anything, are funded by their regional partners, and the whole place inexplicably floods a few times a year.

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West Virginia is Turkey, I guess. Because we’re not even really sure what you’re doing in our conference don’t you belong somewhere else? And how can you be so big but also so weird and dysfunctional and never quite getting your crap together?

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Small but super wealthy due to mineral wealth is sort of most of the Gulf States besides Saudi, but we’ll say the UAE is Oklahoma State.

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Iran is Baylor. They’re just successful/powerful enough to hang around (and have their own unique religious vibe despite being awful), but LOL everyone hates them and wants to kick them out and also they were the cause of the huge COVID outbreak in the region because they tried to cover it up. So yeah. That’s Middle Eastern Baylor.

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Also, Saudi is Texas. I mean, you all already knew that.

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1) Please compare Middle Eastern countries to Big XII teams past, present, and future. Which team is analagous to Jordan? Who is the Nebraska of the Middle East?
2) What's the school situation like for your Lil Cats (assuming some sort of American School for Diplomats Kids or something) and how does the Jordan school compare to the Egypt school?
3) Did you buy any Michael B. Jordan books to put in the book case or just Michael Jordan?
4) Best and weirdest foods specific to Jordan?
5) Where did you meet Bedouins? Were you wandering somewhere?
Okay. Big 12 comparisons. I’ll give it a lazy shot:

1. Egypt constantly refers to itself as “the Mother of the World” and always notes it’s “2,500 years of civilization” or whatever that number is. But it’s a rough ridin' mess and just awful. So, always bringing up the pyramids and still having “sellouts” (overcrowded cities) and also being just shy of a failed state...? Yeah that’s Nebraska. Egypt is definitely the Nebraska of the Middle East. 

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Current ambassador is career and would almost definitely laugh. The political counselor, however, is the State Department epitome of “Yale, Male, and Pale” and would be appalled (it was his office I did it to).

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How insanely pissed would Jordanians get if someone pooped on Petra? Like probably kick you out of the country?

Also do Jordanians view Lebanese as the slippery businessmen of the region or do the Palestinians take this place for them?
Forget the o answer the Petra question.

You don’t eff with Petra. That’s a red line. Netflix almost got banned because there was a historical fiction movie about how some bedouins discovered an ancient artifact that proved the ancient Israelite had actually built Petra AND THERE WERE LARGE ACTUAL PHYSICAL PROTESTS IN THE STREETS (I’m still not sure what the point of these was, but ministers were issuing statement assuring they wouldn’t allow the Zionist plot to steal Petra to succeed and yes that’s a real thing that happened in real life)

So yeah. Don’t eff with Petra.

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have you ever met a jordan from jordan?
Ok guys. I’m gonna tell you this in strict secrecy.

I used to work in a very uppity fancy office at the embassy. This office had a “foyer” at the entrance to it, and it was filled with two bookcases of fancy academic books about Jordan (in both languages) that of course no one actually ever read.


In the weeks before I left, I ordered every cheap book I could find on Amazon about Michael Jordan. Kids books. Biographies. Adult coloring books of shoes. Even some in Arabic (they are NOT spelled the same at all in Arabic). And before I left, I slipped about a dozen of these into the “library”. That was over 6 months ago. No one has noticed and the MJ books are all still there.

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How insanely pissed would Jordanians get if someone pooped on Petra? Like probably kick you out of the country?

Also do Jordanians view Lebanese as the slippery businessmen of the region or do the Palestinians take this place for them?
Arabs hate Palestinians. They just hate Israelis more.

Lebanese restaurants are the Arab equivalent of Italian restaurants.

Gulfis are the slippery businessmen they hate.

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I'm fascinated by the over representation of Mormons that work at embassies, like it get it they have overseas experience from their mission, usually speak at least 2 languages and you don't have to worry about them getting in compromising positions...just something I would have never known unless it was from gE.

Some follow up questions about Mormons and the state department.

1. What percentage of staff at a random Embassy if Mormon? Do they have a higher density at Embassies in certain places?

2. Does the state department actively recruit Mormons more than other groups or does it happen organically?

3. I love reading about mormon history but have never met an actual mormon. Are they as nice/do goody/wholesome as they are always represented? Do they say regular cuss words or things like "crumudgeon"?
I don’t know percentages, but I never met a Mormon before starting this overseas gig. They’re absolutely over represented to a large degree in these places.

2. USG agencies will tell you they don’t actively recruit any one group more than others. But yeah, Mormons are great recruits and maybe we send a few more recruiters to career day at BYU.

3. This would sound racist if I said it about a race instead of a religion, but Mormons are super nice, super involved in the community, and for the most part gigantic and in excellent shape. I’ve greatly enjoyed working with them and have several Mormon friends now.

Bonus: A fellow dad I’m friends with (a Mormon), asked me to join the Boy Scouts council or whatever that thing is called (btw Boy Scouts are actually a huge thing here). And I told him, “Dude, I have two daughters.” And he literally told me “I know, but, well, we need someone else on the council because it’s just like all Mormons right now and we’re trying to diversify”. So, that was fun.

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Do Jordanians have a weird inferiority complex about the Mediterranean Sea? Will they just go on for hours about all the reasons the Red Sea is better?
Not really. But “Jordanians” is problematic in this sense. Because most Jordanians are Palestinian. So, there’s that whole baggage. But the elite (I mean that in social sense, like the ones in power) are from the original tribals. So “East Bankers” will bluntly tell you they’re “real Jordanians”.  West Bankers are from Palestinian descent. The Queen is a West Banker. It’s why she’s still controversial and gets a mixed reaction from the public.

Also, they’re more proud of Petra and Jerash, so no real Med Sea envy. They’re trying desperately to save the Dead Sea though (it’s been shrinking like crazy the last 50 years or whatever).

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which thing happens more often?

- jordanian muslims boozing

- mormons mountain dew'ing
Ha. Easy one. Muslims boozing. Muslims lock down during Ramadan and on Fridays. Other than that, the line is pork. Booze, sex, weed, etc. but don’t try and put bacon in their Mac and cheese.

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I want to learn more about meeting bedouins

also I'm kinda surprised a senator's husband wouldn't travel with a suit when on government business!
1. Meeting bedouins is awesome because you just never rough ridin' know which direction it’s gonna go, but there’s almost definitely gonna be sweat tea, falcons, horses, and guns. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the whole Jesus thing, they’d get along great with red state America.

2. You, me, and the senator would all join in being surprised at this turn of events

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Did you have a nanny/housekeeper and if so is your household now in disarray?
Long story, but our nanny got quarantined with us after we rescued Mrs Rex from the military buses at the airport right before Jordan got shut down. So she’s been living in the guest room. It’s weird. I don’t like it. But these are weird times.

As to the household, it’s not chaos. Its just stressful. We haven’t left the house since March 16. The kids have online classes for two hours every morning (that is chaos). After that, “Coach Dad” takes them out to the driveway for PE.

The nanny keeps trying to make herself useful and we keep trying to tell her “hey, we’re gonna pay you no matter what so maybe quit washing the windows and go chill”. We hooked up a tv in her room and hooked up her phone on the wifi, so she has news/entertainment in her language.

Basically, I feel like every time I turn around I’m almost elbowing someone. These are absolutely first world problems, but still like I just want some gotdam space. We all take turns cooking. It’s established that when Felix is cooking, he’s putting headphones in, wants no help, and wants everyone out of the kitchen until the food is ready.

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Do they have street ice cream guys that clown on kids and tourists or is that just a Turkish thing?

Are there hookah bars with people just in plastic chairs smoking hookah with tea sets everywhere?

Coffee or tea country?

Also have you ever seen the queen? Is she so beautiful that your wife is like a fan or has she crossed over in to the next level where she is basically a demigod and your wife is jealous and angry about even the idea of her?
1. That must be a Turkish thing. But they do have propane tank delivery trucks that drive around playing music and will absolutely devastate your young children when they realize they are NOT an ice cream truck. Also, the most popular ice cream chain here has a flavor called “Arabic” and if I survive and am not evacuated I hereby pledge to eat and review it. It’s green. I think it has pistachios and coffee beans.*

2. Yes. Hookah bars everywhere. But all that is shut down down. Also, basically every restaurant is a hookah bar. It’s part of why we don’t eat out much with the kids. But WITHOUT the kids, I hit that hookah hard and get double apple or double mint.

3. Coffee or tea? Sort of both, but (and I’m free wheeling here), I think it’s sort of a class thing. When I meet with bedouins, we’re drinking tea with mint and so much sugar that it could be hummingbird feed. It’s amazing. You could put it on pancakes. When I meet with gov types, it’s Turkish coffee in tiny cups and it’s super strong and makes me jittery if I have more than three.

4. I have not met the royal family at all. Once, the Crown Prince’s motorcade cut us off in Aqaba. That’s as close as I’ve come. Also, one time a senator visited and had a meeting scheduled with the king and at the last minute the King also invited her husband to join the meeting. The husband didn’t pack for a king meeting, but we were basically the same size suit. So, I have a suit that met the king.

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Also they make fries out of cheese instead of potatoes so deal with that, keto bro’s.
Isn't that just mozzarella sticks?  :confused:
Deep fried halloumi sticks.

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what’s the oxygen like there?  same as egypt? more like the moon?  outer space?
do you have to wear breathing apparatuses like a space suit?  what about gravity?  more or less than in the us?
Well, I think they filmed the Martian here, so keep that in mind. Also, the most common complaint from expats who come here is allergies. I never had allergies before, but I have terrible allergies here and only here. If I leave Amman for 24 hours, they entirely go away. So yes, maybe moon air would be my answer.

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How big is the Embassy grounds and how many people are quarantined there?  Looking for pop. density, and no hectares or meters.
Embassy ground are pretty big. Like at least 6-7 football fields. But we don’t live there. We’re all in our own individual residences. Other than the Marine Security Guards and the ambassador, there’s no housing at the embassy.

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What does Jordan do better than the U S of A?
This is a tough question. Because obviously America is the best at everything. But also, unlike Egypt, I really like Jordan for the most part.

USAID hates when I say this, but Jordan is like the world’s most tolerant police state. So that’s something.

And Jordanians themselves are actually super friendly and sincerely generous (when they’re not throwing sticks at water delivery trucks during quarantines).

Me and Mrs Rex we’re given an option to evac. We declined. In large part because Jordan can actually impose necessary measures without weeks of political fuckery. So, Jordan is definitely better at immediate action. We’ll we how those bread/water truck deliveries progress.

Also, they have their own kind of stir fry here made with lamb and spicy peppers and onions and garlic and that’s really good. Also they make fries out of cheese instead of potatoes so deal with that, keto bro’s.

Oh, and once a month I take my girls to the citadel (which is a huge hill in the middle of the city with lots of cool ancient ruins) and we fly kites and time we wrapped our giant octopus kite around one of the columns of the actual temple of Hercules and the guards thought it was hilarious and we all worked together to get it out, so that was awesome.

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Two restaurant choices, greasy burger and fries, or French bakery/deli - where do you eat first?
If you think you can get me on record taking a stance between TJs and Galete, you’re wrong, mister.

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Will you finally meet the ICT contingent for a drink at some point?
Yes, if only to hand deliver long delayed fattyfest auction items (cc waks and stevedave).

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