ReCATery (aka Sober Cats,800BETSOFF Cats,Like Chocoholics but for BoozeCats,etc)

[Pete]

This thread is for questions and discussion about recovery (from anything). My name is Pete and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic, and I haven't a had drink since March 8, 2015.  My personal flavor of recovery is a 12 step program about alcohol. Drugs, gambling, sex, porn, etc. weren't/aren't part of my story or struggle, just alcohol.

There were two things that I THOUGHT that I knew to be fact, which I was dead wrong about, and kept me "out there" drinking a lot longer than I had to. 

First, I thought that I had to hit a "bottom" like they talked about on the after school specials, where you lose absolutely everything and all your family and friends, before you could attempt to get better.  Everyone's "bottom" is different.  Mine was living with suicidal thoughts (obsession really) for several years (absolute living hell) with soul crushing anxiety and depression.  I still had a job, had a 401K, had kids getting good grades, etc...but I was headed for a bullet to the brain.

That brings me to the Second thing I thought was a fact, which I was wrong about.  That was that I believed to the core of my soul that I would never experience pleasure or have fun again if I quit drinking.  Every single moment in my life where I could recall being at ease or having a sense of comfort, included alcohol, since probably puberty.  Drinking seemed like the "normal" life, and not drinking seemed like something that just had to be endured.  So, the idea of letting go of my medicine for life seemed like a last resort....I basically decided to give it a shot before I killed myself.  I figured, "I owe it to my kids to try this before I kill myself."  I'm happy to report that I no longer want to kill myself, and even better than that, I actually enjoy my life.  Here's the thing though...you don't get to know HOW/WHAT/WHY of how you will come to have a meaningful and fulfilling life in recovery, but if you work a program, it will materialize.  For me, and for every person in recovery I have ever spoken with (thousands of people), it was/is impossible to predict how you will feel and what your life will be like. 

go cats, ftb

[steve dave]

Great stuff Pete

[420seriouscat69]

Great stuff Pete

Yup, STUD!

[michigancat]

love you, Pete. Proud to know you and see you share this.

[Pete]

Thanks fellas!  Hopefully we can use this thread to educate folks about this topic.  Maybe mental health as well.  I'm a big fan of making sure folks are taking care of their mental health via educated doctors/meds and psychologists, in addition to traditional forms of recovery methods.

[AST]

Very good stuff Pete.  Thank you for sharing and stay strong.

[Pete]

Very good stuff Pete.  Thank you for sharing and stay strong.

Thanks man, and tell your brother "hi" for me!

[IPA4Me]

I'm not going to share my story here. That's for the AA rooms. However, I am open about being a recovering alcoholic. I've been sober for eighteen months. I'd had the desire to reduce/stop drinking for a while but just couldn't do it.


For me, putting down the bottle was only a small part of recovery. I've had amazing life changes over the last 1.5 years and look forward to even more changes. Most of us in the program discovered that we were masking/escaping our real life issues when we drank. I firmly believe that most of the world would benefit greatly from a twelve step program.



If you're not sure if you're an alcoholic, you can take this little quiz:



https://www.aa.org/pages/en_us/is-aa-for-you-twelve-questions-only-you-can-answer


If you want to chat in private, you're welcome to message me. If you follow me on Twitter, my DM are always open.

[Pete]

 

Awesome! Do you mind if I merge this with the other thread?

[IPA4Me]

Certainly. Didn't know there was another sobriety thread.

[Pete]

Certainly. Didn't know there was another sobriety thread.

It's like 45 minutes old!   

[Pete]

If you want to chat in private, you're welcome to message me. If you follow me on Twitter, my DM are always open.

Same here.  Happy to discuss with anyone privately at anytime. 

[ChiComCat]

I've only met Pete on a handful of occasions but it has been a treat to see the changes and joy that he has now.

[Pete]

I'd had the desire to reduce/stop drinking for a while but just couldn't do it.

I think this is a great point, and was the same for me.  I'd quit for a period of time and be like "welp, I proved that I don't have a problem!" Then bam, right back to it as hard or harder than I was before I paused.  I know there are moderation programs out there, but for me, and people like me, I just cannot imagine how they could possibly work over the long haul.  And frankly, I think they would have made me feel worse!  For me, the only thing more miserable than not drinking, used to be trying to moderate my drinking.  Ugh, that was awful.

I once heard an old drunk say "Go drink just two legal sized drinks every night (e.g. an 8 oz wine, or a 1 oz spirit) and see how long you can do that without drinking more." His point was that people who do not have a problem, have no problem doing that.

[AST]

Very good stuff Pete.  Thank you for sharing and stay strong.

Thanks man, and tell your brother "hi" for me!

I will do.  Slight chance he sees this. He is known to drop a GE reference on me on occasion that he could only get from lurking.

[Pete]

Big congrats to IPA4Me.  The first year is a tough one, because everything is new and a "first time" in a long time.  Like the first time you celebrate the 4th of July sober, the first time celebrate Thanksgiving sober, the first time you watch your favorite TV show sober, first tailgate sober, first time eating nachos on a Tuesday wearing a white shirt sober, etc.

Being part of a "program" and really immersing yourself in it helps with that.  There are a bajillion of these cliches and sayings and they are all true, but one that applies here is "first things first." Successful recovery means that you put your sobriety ahead of everything else.  I always like to listen to clergy members in recovery. Those dudes are awesome.  They'll talk about needing to put their sobriety before even God.  Before I entered recovery, I had no idea what that meant.  Like, a dude who hurt his family really, really bad was telling me that he put his sobriety before his family and I was like "eff, that guy is still not putting his family first????" But, I didn't get it.  He has nothing unless he puts his recovery first, and in turn, his family will benefit enormously if he does.

[IPA4Me]

Going to the beach without a beer was rough ridin' weird.

[Pete]

Going to the beach without a beer was rough ridin' weird.

True story.  I went to the beach at about 3 months sober with my family, and I took at least 12 different diet soda 12 packs with me.  Every flavor you could imagine.   

Now, I don't even contemplate consuming fluids unless I am thirsty.  It's not a "thing" anymore, but it was a HUGE deal for a really long time for me.

[michigancat]

Big congrats to IPA4Me.  The first year is a tough one, because everything is new and a "first time" in a long time.  Like the first time you celebrate the 4th of July sober, the first time celebrate Thanksgiving sober, the first time you watch your favorite TV show sober, first tailgate sober, first time eating nachos on a Tuesday wearing a white shirt sober, etc.

Being part of a "program" and really immersing yourself in it helps with that.  There are a bajillion of these cliches and sayings and they are all true, but one that applies here is "first things first." Successful recovery means that you put your sobriety ahead of everything else.  I always like to listen to clergy members in recovery. Those dudes are awesome.  They'll talk about needing to put their sobriety before even God.  Before I entered recovery, I had no idea what that meant.  Like, a dude who hurt his family really, really bad was telling me that he put his sobriety before his family and I was like "eff, that guy is still not putting his family first????" But, I didn't get it.  He has nothing unless he puts his recovery first, and in turn, his family will benefit enormously if he does.

question for both you and IPA:

Are situations like tailgates, Thanksgiving, concerts, etc. tempting in any way, or somehow harder? Or like needing liquid, is it something you're mostly over?

[Pete]

I couldn't go to concerts for a long time.  I went to a concert early in sobriety to "prove" I could still do stuff I used to do, and it was horrible.  I didn't drink, but it was miserable.  Now, I mostly hate concerts. So loud and stuff.  Although, I do really like Grateful Dead cover band concerts.

I stopped doing lots of crap that I never really liked, but used to do just because there was booze.  Like, I hate softball. I rough ridin' hate it.  However, I used to play it all the time, but never sober.  What a relief to stop playing that stupid game.

[Pete]

In early sobriety EVERYTHING is a "trigger."  We don't really even like that word.  There are situations in which we have a desire to change how we feel, and desiring to change how we feel is not good...we need to accept it and move through it.  So, we do other stuff when we feel like we want to change how we feel.  We call our sponsors, we talk to another person in recover, read our program literature, go to a meeting, and pray (to a god of our own understanding...."religion" has nothing to do with this, it's all about spirituality).

Most of us want to take a good time and make it even better, or take a bad time and make it be not so bad.  It's both ends of the spectrum.  We need to be comfortable being a 5.5 on a scale of 1 to 10. That takes time and work....the "work" of working a program for days and days and days.

[michigancat]

another question: How did it impact your work/career? I've worked at companies that "partying" be way to core to the culture (which I didn't like) and I know sales can be pretty booze-heavy too.

[IPA4Me]

Once I committed to not drinking, doing things I liked wasn't an issue. I enjoyed them more once I got over the weirdness of not having a drink at that particular activity.

I was anxious October 2020 when I went to the beach. I'd always had a cooler of beer at the beach since 1993. Always. Once I was there a couple of days, it was no big deal. Now, I go to meetings in the morning when I'm there. Found a nice meeting spot in Clearwater. Then grab breakfast with the family.

Dinner, horse track, coworker gatherings... no big deal. Everybody knows that I quit drinking. Everybody is cool about it.

I love waking up in the morning on a trip with others bright and cherry while they're bemoaning their hangovers.

[Pete]

another question: How did it impact your work/career? I've worked at companies that "partying" be way to core to the culture (which I didn't like) and I know sales can be pretty booze-heavy too.

I was REALLY worried about this. The short answer is that everything at work got better, I got promotions I never thought I’d get and it’s been great!

However, I had it in my head that you had to be able booze it up with people to get to know them, or to “schmooze and sell,” etc.  That isn’t the case at all. And this was a not just me. I know MANY successful sales people and professionals who are in recovery who all say the same thing…recovery is our super power. Accepting life on life’s terms and admitting when we are at fault and quickly making amends are great tools for business.  Also, not being hung over is a huge benefit!   Without even trying my productivity exploded, and I was so much more effective.

I get to work social events a little late, and leave early.  I am there to make my colleagues a d customers feel welcome and comfortable, it’s not about me. Once I have done that, I get the hell out.

[BIG APPLE CAT]

i've heard people say quitting one addiction (like alcohol) just leads to a different addiction. I think typically in the form of cigarettes although that might just be a cliche on TV. Did either of you find yourself becoming addicted or hyperfixated on some other "vice"?