Hilarious Things At Your Office

[pissclams]

also, my name is ted and i work in an engineering office, recently took on a new love, and have been divorced twice.  do we know each other?

[BIG APPLE CAT]

also, my name is ted and i work in an engineering office, recently took on a new love, and have been divorced twice.  do we know each other?

he's like 5'-10.5" and has never dunked ever in his life.

[8manpick]

also, my name is ted and i work in an engineering office, recently took on a new love, and have been divorced twice.  do we know each other?

I thought you were a high school senior just a few years ago, getting ready to collect college pelts?

[dmartin]

i just took my annual active shooter training and this guy scores 4/4 on the threat indicators

yeah I wasn’t kidding about the HR thing

we have considered this. like a few of us went to lunch when he was in florida to have an earnest discussion about how likely he is to kill himself and possibly others. The hard part is that our HR is pretty much complete trash. I'm sure like most HR departments they don't really exist the protect or provide assistance to the employees but rather to protect the company from any legal action being taken against the company. So basically nobody ever says anything to HR b/c they immediately turn it into a chess game to ensure the company is clear of any liability rather than dealing with the actual issue.

Lucky for us, Ted loves talking about himself and is a very active facebook user so we are vigilant to check fb every morning because if he is going to do something its pretty much guaranteed that he would post something cryptic and mysterious beforehand.

Sounds like a guy that would Facebook live stream his attack, so stay vigilant.

[Rage Against the McKee]

also, my name is ted and i work in an engineering office, recently took on a new love, and have been divorced twice.  do we know each other?

I thought you were a high school senior just a few years ago, getting ready to collect college pelts?

Time flies when you are collecting pelts.

[kslim]

i just took my annual active shooter training and this guy scores 4/4 on the threat indicators

yeah I wasn’t kidding about the HR thing

we have considered this. like a few of us went to lunch when he was in florida to have an earnest discussion about how likely he is to kill himself and possibly others. The hard part is that our HR is pretty much complete trash. I'm sure like most HR departments they don't really exist the protect or provide assistance to the employees but rather to protect the company from any legal action being taken against the company. So basically nobody ever says anything to HR b/c they immediately turn it into a chess game to ensure the company is clear of any liability rather than dealing with the actual issue.

Lucky for us, Ted loves talking about himself and is a very active facebook user so we are vigilant to check fb every morning because if he is going to do something its pretty much guaranteed that he would post something cryptic and mysterious beforehand.

if your hr's sole purpose in life is to protect the company from getting sued, i would think heeding their employee's complaints related to a possible psychopath working in their office would be pretty high on their list of things to act on.

basically this. if you at least reported it they wouldnt be liable anymore. given they take some sort of action

[BIG APPLE CAT]

well happy Ted has everything to live for, so as long as the relationship stays strong then we are safe.

Ted never misses work but this morning he sent an email saying "I have some personal matters that require my attention from home today". We have basically spent the entire morning speculating on what exactly the new g/f has him doing because i cannot think of a single time he has ever done anything like this.

[meow meow]

hopefully the gf didn't break up with him and the personal matters involve a rope in the billiard room

[chum1]

They're playing hooky. She's a bad influence.

[wetwillie]

I don’t see a scenario in which this doesn’t end violently.

[ChiComCat]

well happy Ted has everything to live for, so as long as the relationship stays strong then we are safe.

Ted never misses work but this morning he sent an email saying "I have some personal matters that require my attention from home today". We have basically spent the entire morning speculating on what exactly the new g/f has him doing because i cannot think of a single time he has ever done anything like this.

Maybe someone should check on her workplace today

[BIG APPLE CAT]

hopefully the gf didn't break up with him and the personal matters involve a rope in the billiard room

the thought that ted is tE.D. is rocking my existence but would also explain a lot.

[KST8FAN]

My active office shooter neutralizer...

Tom

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

[star seed 7]

I would just take the piece away from him and then stick it up his ass and pull the trigger until it goes *click*

[mocat]

You said it man

[pissclams]

active shooter = no action loser
step 1) approach suspect
step 2) engage in discussion of a shared interest
step 3) continue discussion while moving towards suspect while getting into a disarm stance
step 4) disarm suspect
step 5) call the pigs
step 6) tell suspect he has 2 minutes to gtfo before pigs arrive
step 7) don’t tell the pigs anything.  snitches get stitches
step 8) if you see suspect out at bars, buy him a couple shots so he’s happy and won’t do it again

[DaBigTrain]

‘clams that’s the best active shooter training I’ve ever seen

[meow meow]

'clams, first of all, thanks.  second, care to talk a little more about the various types of disarming stances one could take in this particular situation?

[_33]

Not to step on clams' toes but I know a pretty good steven seagal move that works every time.  Make sure they are close enough so you can reach the gun then you (really quickly) slap the back of their hand with one hand and the front of their forearm with the other hand.  It will make the gun fly across the room and then you throw them over a table or through a window or something.  Also before you try this move make sure they aren't holding onto the gun too tightly.

[meow meow]

should you be looking for some sort of gap between their hand and the gun, or just looking to see if their hand isn't clenched around the firearm?  also, what if the perp notices you staring at their hand/gun as you inch closer to them, what should you do?

[star seed 7]

mm is obviously forgetting about the shared interest conversation

[_33]

should you be looking for some sort of gap between their hand and the gun, or just looking to see if their hand isn't clenched around the firearm?  also, what if the perp notices you staring at their hand/gun as you inch closer to them, what should you do?

I just look for white knuckles.  The saying at my dojo is:  If their knuckles are white, they are holding the gun too tight (so don't try the steven seagal move)

[meow meow]

ok, the gun is being held too tight, the perp notices you staring at said gun and says, "hey man, why are you looking at my gun, are you gonna try something tough guy?" then points the gun at your balls.  now what?

[pissclams]

Not to step on clams' toes but I know a pretty good steven seagal move that works every time.  Make sure they are close enough so you can reach the gun then you (really quickly) slap the back of their hand with one hand and the front of their forearm with the other hand.  It will make the gun fly across the room and then you throw them over a table or through a window or something.  Also before you try this move make sure they aren't holding onto the gun too tightly.

seagal?  why not use the same disarm stance that Violin (played by McConaughey) used to disarm the supermax prison guard?

[meow meow]

if i recall, violin was carrying a baby in that scene, so not sure how practical that would be in a irl situation where it's just you and the shooter, one on one with no baby.