Ok, serious advice....
Money:
1. Be frugal. Don't piss away your money on booze, fast food, new clothes, new cars, etc. Don't be a sucker. Spend wisely.
2. Stop using credit cards.
3. Start investing early. Find a few good no-load mutual funds with good track records and stick with them. The difference between starting your investments at 20 versus 30 is Millions.
Education:
4. Get a college degree, but go to a state school and pay in-state tuition.
5. Student loans are misery. Avoid them.
6. Get a degree that's actually useful for what you want to do.
Career:
7. Find a career you can enjoy at least a majority of the time, while earning a decent income.
8. Put yourself in your employer's shoes, and bust your ass. Be the most valuable employee.
9. Work to live, don't live to work.
Adventure:
10. We get so little time here, see as much of the world as you can.
11. Study abroad in a non-English speaking country, and don't spend all your time with your idiot friends from America.
12. Climb a real mountain (we're talking at least a mile EG) at least once.
Family:
13. Family is the most important thing.
14. Have kids when you're ready, but don't wait until your 30s.
15. Find a wife who is a kind person, reasonably attractive, and who you really think might be fun to spend the rest of your life with, and make sure you agree on (a) kids, (b) church, (c) career, (d) life goals, and (e) where you want to live.