Just ran into a coworker in the break room

[Bloodfart]

Ummm... Never mind.

[GoodForAnother]

I wasn't feeling very well last night so I called my personal doctor who made a prompt house call. Turns out I have strep throat. He gave me some amoxicillin and told me to stay home because I would be contagious for 24 hours. Well, instead I called MarquisJet and flew down to Norman, making sure to take extra security, of course.  I went down to the local OU bars and made out with every chick I saw. Looks like there will be a serious case of strep hitting campus right around Saturday afternoon. Should be quiet as a church in there.  Oh and I killed Toby Keith.

[Katpappy]

Guy who mows my lawn is an OU fan. Anyways, he was over cutting the grass today and he rings the doorbell so I could pay him for the cut. I looked him dead in the eyes and as seriously as I could said "How are you doing today?" To make a long story short I paid him the $35 we had agreed upon. But what he didn't know was while I was looking at him blankly, I was this close to dragging him into my home and beating to death with a lead pipe and taking my $35 back so I could get the kids pizza and a RedBox. 

What movie were you thinking of getting. 

Katdaddy shut up AppleJack where does a person find a lead pipe?

I got mine at Manute Bol's estate sale in Olathe.

Jeez that's a pretty elite skull thumper.  All I got is a 4 foot long piece of 1/2 inch thick rebar.  I heisted it from the BSFS construction site.

OK how did we go from pizza and a movie thanks to the trusty lead pipe, to a small concrete job at BSFS.  Bloodfart, always remember lead pipe quick cash when in a pinch... piece of rebar, concrete project.

Well it worked effectively when this sweaty douche pushing a lawnmower clumsily ran over my favorite pair of purple sneeks.  He said they looked better with the red dirt smeared on them then said "boomer" as he kept on walking.  I pulled my piece of rebar out and knee capped him.    Kneeling there he begged for mercy and offered me $35 but I has having none of it.  ROUNDHOUSEKICK TO THE SIDE OF THE FACE!  I said "It's a tough neiborhood bro,  you could lose your #LIFE" as I strolled away using my BSFS rebar like a cane.

You're a good man Bloodfart, but not a good business man.  You missed out on two Super Supreme pizzas and a dozen movies from Red Box.  Think of the pleasure you could have given fellow EMAWers, but no, you choose to let that loser OU fan pocket the cash so he could enjoy some greasy burgers and porn. 

[MadCat]

Daris you should hide her keys! On one hand, it'd be funny if she crashed on the way, but on the other hand, you wouldn't get to witness it. Seriously, just go bury her keys in the yard or something!

well she's totally passed out/sleeping now. just went into the bedroom and i couldn't even wake her which is kind of weird because she's usually a very light sleeper. oh well, i'll enjoy laughing in her face tomorrow when she wakes up i guess. 

Go ahead and take a Sharpie to her face...classic!

[Katpappy]

Daris you should hide her keys! On one hand, it'd be funny if she crashed on the way, but on the other hand, you wouldn't get to witness it. Seriously, just go bury her keys in the yard or something!

well she's totally passed out/sleeping now. just went into the bedroom and i couldn't even wake her which is kind of weird because she's usually a very light sleeper. oh well, i'll enjoy laughing in her face tomorrow when she wakes up i guess. 

Rick, now is the time too snuggle up and pull the blanket over her.  You know what comes next, yea Blanket Bombs.

Pro tip- bean burritoes smothered in mexican white cheese make the best Blanket Bomb ammo. 

[jtksu]

I have a group of people that I know fairly well.  They are mostly OU fans and offered me a ticket to the game Saturday.  I accepted and we made plans to meet after work tomorrow and drive down.  However, I will not be meeting them, forcing them to eat the ticket and leave an empty seat.  Also, they booked a room for me for Friday and Saturday night, using one of their cards.  Guess what I'm gonna say when they cal me all pissed off tomorrow? "That's #life!  Deal with it!"

[kcnut]

Have a ou fan next door to us since i dont see them at all and got their blinds closed i call the cops and told them that my neighbor making Crystal meth. So they going to jail.

[Poster formerly known as jthutch]

I was taking my morning dump and I hear the front doorbell.  I go answer it and it's a sweaty bald fat guy.  He says his van is broke down and wanted to know if I could help.  Being the nice EMAW that I am I said sure.  When we got to the van it was a 91 conversion van, you guessed it, no windows and OU painted on the side.  I asked so you're an Oklahoma fan huh?  He said "yeah, it should be a good game tomorrow that's were me and the family are heading for our annual family vacation (super bowl).  So I helped him work on his van.  So I fixed his van and said hey I have something for you.  I put 10 bags of fertilizer and a barrel of diesel fuel in the back of the van and a bunch of wire.  He was pretty excited about the "gifts."  Then I called the High way patrol and gave them the van description.  I bet we hear something soon on the news.

[steve dave]

nice work brad

[Saulbadguy]

I gave an OU fan bogus directions.

[Emo EMAW]

My sister in law just gave birth to their first kid.  Apparently the kid just couldn't wait to hear the score of the OU game himself so he was born early, 6 weeks premature.  So I'm at the hospital being a good brother and in the case next to my nephew is this little tike wearing OU pajamas.  When no one was looking I switched him with a baby wearing Texas pajamas.  Hahahah no one has a clue.

[KITNfury]

Some skeezer on the subway started talking about how he raped an OU chick. I gave him a high 5.

['taterblast]

on my way in today i walked past the desk of the ou coffee guy... i went straight up to his desk and turned off his monitor. lol i swear to god i did. then he was all like "wtf?" so i grabbed the keyboard with both hands and knocked him upside his face with it. lol that loser is unconscious right now, face down on his desk right in the middle of the office. 

[Emo EMAW]

on my way in today i walked past the desk of the ou coffee guy... i went straight up to his desk and turned off his monitor. lol i swear to god i did. then he was all like "wtf?" so i grabbed the keyboard with both hands and knocked him upside his face with it. lol that loser is unconscious right now, face down on his desk right in the middle of the office. 

You should tell your boss he was sleeping, very obviously too because was shaking around like he was having bad dreams.  Then if he accuses you of beating him up just tell him he must have been dreaming.

[Sandstone Outcropping]

This is a good thread.

Between this one and the headlines thread, it has made this month's goEMAW.com premium subscription totally worthwhile.

[CNS]

I have a group of people that I know fairly well.  They are mostly OU fans and offered me a ticket to the game Saturday.  I accepted and we made plans to meet after work tomorrow and drive down.  However, I will not be meeting them, forcing them to eat the ticket and leave an empty seat.  Also, they booked a room for me for Friday and Saturday night, using one of their cards.  Guess what I'm gonna say when they cal me all pissed off tomorrow? "That's #life!  Deal with it!"

JT, this just backfired.  Since most OU fans are morbidly obese, you just gave them the room they need to feel a little more comfy.

[Spaces]

Had to punch a skateboarder in the face last night and I might sue his parents. I was in the park earlier jogging shirtless when I spotted 3 middle school punks skateboarding and trashing the playground equipment. Two were doing rail slides and stupid jumps while the other douche filmed it. I felt compelled to act, so I walked over and told the kids to scram and that skateboarding wasn't allowed in the park. They called me a Narc, an old queer, etc. I told them I was cool, but rules were rules. Anyway, one of the kids came at me and I straight laid his ass out. The other two realized I was a grown man and backed off. I'm considering suing the kid's parents because my hand is sore as crap and I've already had to cancel a big money golf match tomorrow. I would win the lawsuit easy because the one kid filmed the whole thing.

The kid I knocked out looked like Landry Jones. 

[Rage Against the McKee]

I have a group of people that I know fairly well.  They are mostly OU fans and offered me a ticket to the game Saturday.  I accepted and we made plans to meet after work tomorrow and drive down.  However, I will not be meeting them, forcing them to eat the ticket and leave an empty seat.  Also, they booked a room for me for Friday and Saturday night, using one of their cards.  Guess what I'm gonna say when they cal me all pissed off tomorrow? "That's #life!  Deal with it!"

JT, this just backfired.  Since most OU fans are morbidly obese, you just gave them the room they need to feel a little more comfy.

It didn't backfire as much as actually traveling to Norman with those Juggalos would have, though.

[kslim]

i blew up southwest kansas

[yoga-like_abana]

on my way in today i walked past the desk of the ou coffee guy... i went straight up to his desk and turned off his monitor. lol i swear to god i did. then he was all like "wtf?" so i grabbed the keyboard with both hands and knocked him upside his face with it. lol that loser is unconscious right now, face down on his desk right in the middle of the office. 

I'd pour alcohol on him and tell your boss he's drunk at work. or light his ass on fire.

['taterblast]

on my way in today i walked past the desk of the ou coffee guy... i went straight up to his desk and turned off his monitor. lol i swear to god i did. then he was all like "wtf?" so i grabbed the keyboard with both hands and knocked him upside his face with it. lol that loser is unconscious right now, face down on his desk right in the middle of the office. 

I'd pour alcohol on him and tell your boss he's drunk at work.

oh crap guys lol i just did this. boss sent him home for the day and said he is scheduled for a meeting with "upstairs" on monday. ou sucks guys lol.

[DOOM_Catz]

I work with only K-State fans. A buck ten strong and all of them love the cats. I plan on leaving work today a little bit before lunch to head to Norman just to rub it in their faces that I'm more  than they are with their dull weekends with the kids.

['taterblast]

their dull weekends with the kids.

lol stupid losers with families and crap

[MadCat]

Daris you should hide her keys! On one hand, it'd be funny if she crashed on the way, but on the other hand, you wouldn't get to witness it. Seriously, just go bury her keys in the yard or something!

well she's totally passed out/sleeping now. just went into the bedroom and i couldn't even wake her which is kind of weird because she's usually a very light sleeper. oh well, i'll enjoy laughing in her face tomorrow when she wakes up i guess. 

Rick, now is the time too snuggle up and pull the blanket over her.  You know what comes next, yea Blanket Bombs.

Pro tip- bean burritoes smothered in mexican white cheese make the best Blanket Bomb ammo. 

I've heard these referred to as Dutch Ovens.

[Institutional Control]

My boss is a Sooner fan because his alma mater doesn't have a football program (KU). I just told him if K-State wins he's giving me a raise on Monday. And if OU wins, he can go eff himself.