Author Topic: Just ran into a coworker in the break room (Read 12135 times)

Mr Bread · « **Reply #25 on:** September 20, 2012, 03:17:34 PM »

Also, was driving home from work yesterday when I saw what I would later find out was an OU fan riding a rusted-out Huffy (you know, poor and all). Being a Sooner, he was shitty at bike riding on account of being fat, dumb and preoccupied with fervent racism, and he hit a curb and wrecked. I stopped my sweet rough ridin' car, being a nice guy and all, and walked over to him to see if he was okay (still didn't know he was a land thief). Turns out he had a compound fracture of his right forearm; the bone was out and crap. Long story short, while we're waiting for emergency responders he mentions he's an OU fan except it's all hicky and nearly unintelligible. This immediately gets my learned EMAW right the eff up. So I go to my car, get the tire iron and proceed to break his other arm. He doesn't know what the eff is going on. So I'm all "EMAW called, bro." And he's like "Wa..what?" Then I kick him square in his testicles, throw the lynch mob up and walk the eff back to my car.

steve dave · « **Reply #26 on:** September 20, 2012, 03:19:26 PM »

Mr. Bread is an excellent EMAW

'taterblast · « **Reply #27 on:** September 20, 2012, 03:22:01 PM »

Quote from: Mr Bread on September 20, 2012, 03:17:34 PM

throw the lynch mob up and walk the eff back to my car.

Winters · « **Reply #28 on:** September 20, 2012, 03:23:28 PM »

Quote from: Mr Bread on September 20, 2012, 03:17:34 PM

Also, was driving home from work yesterday when I saw what I would later find out was an OU fan riding a rusted-out Huffy (you know, poor and all). Being a Sooner, he was shitty at bike riding on account of being fat, dumb and preoccupied with fervent racism, and he hit a curb and wrecked. I stopped my sweet rough ridin' car, being a nice guy and all, and walked over to him to see if he was okay (still didn't know he was a land thief). Turns out he had a compound fracture of his right forearm; the bone was out and crap. Long story short, while we're waiting for emergency responders he mentions he's an OU fan except it's all hicky and nearly unintelligible. This immediately gets my learned EMAW right the eff up. So I go to my car, get the tire iron and proceed to break his other arm. He doesn't know what the eff is going on. So I'm all "EMAW called, bro." And he's like "Wa..what?" Then I kick him square in his testicles, throw the lynch mob up and walk the eff back to my car.

God bless you!

yoga-like_abana · « **Reply #29 on:** September 20, 2012, 03:24:52 PM »

I asked an OU guy to lunch(yeah I know, I figured it was for a good cause feeding america and what not).
well I took him to the chick-fil-a in the union for lunch and then I showed him the most recent news. Man you guys should've saw his face.

yoga-like_abana · « **Reply #30 on:** September 20, 2012, 03:25:23 PM »

Quote from: Spaces on September 20, 2012, 03:02:33 PM

Wow, I just made this old OU lady look so stupid!! I was walking past her and I started faking like I was choking and I gestured like I needed her help and she started the Heimlich on me. After 3 seconds of that, I turn my head around slowly and whisper "watch this, idiot" and I start yelling for help like she is attacking me and the cops came and long story short, she got arrested and I'm pressing charges. It was great, she was like 90. go cats

pffftt

SdK · « **Reply #31 on:** September 20, 2012, 03:27:48 PM »

Quote from: yoEMAW on September 20, 2012, 02:44:54 PM

Just ran in to one in our break room too. I was finishing up getting some tea from the big cooler when he came in to get some too. I looked at him and said, "Hey sooner, check this out." Then I took the lid off the cooler, worked up a huge lugie, and spit right in his face.

I like this one.

Mr Bread · « **Reply #32 on:** September 20, 2012, 03:31:31 PM »

Quote from: steve dave on September 20, 2012, 03:19:26 PM

Mr. Bread is an excellent EMAW

It was my first time and it felt great. Never once had an occasion to hurt somebody on behalf of Illinois. Nobody cares enough.

Mr Bread · « **Reply #33 on:** September 20, 2012, 03:33:24 PM »

Quote from: yoga-like_abana on September 20, 2012, 03:24:52 PM

I asked an OU guy to lunch(yeah I know, I figured it was for a good cause feeding america and what not).
well I took him to the chick-fil-a in the union for lunch and then I showed him the most recent news. Man you guys should've saw his face.

You really got him because there is no way that meal didn't contribute to his already morbid obesity. You made him fatter!

Mr Bread · « **Reply #34 on:** September 20, 2012, 03:35:23 PM »

Quote from: Sundance_Kid on September 20, 2012, 03:27:48 PM

Quote from: yoEMAW on September 20, 2012, 02:44:54 PM
Just ran in to one in our break room too. I was finishing up getting some tea from the big cooler when he came in to get some too. I looked at him and said, "Hey sooner, check this out." Then I took the lid off the cooler, worked up a huge lugie, and spit right in his face.

I like this one.

I did too. The misdirection is top-notch. It adds an entirely new layer of F U to the encounter.

puniraptor · « **Reply #35 on:** September 20, 2012, 03:35:36 PM »

Went to the bathroom and noticed my OU coworker's stupid boots peeking out from under the stall. I relieved myself at the urinal then on my way out I turned off the lights and fan on that Fake Sugar Dick (WARNING, NOT THE REAL SUGAR DICK!)!

kstate4life · « **Reply #36 on:** September 20, 2012, 03:44:27 PM »

Quote from: Spaces on September 20, 2012, 03:02:33 PM

Wow, I just made this old OU lady look so stupid!! I was walking past her and I started faking like I was choking and I gestured like I needed her help and she started the Heimlich on me. After 3 seconds of that, I turn my head around slowly and whisper "watch this, idiot" and I start yelling for help like she is attacking me and the cops came and long story short, she got arrested and I'm pressing charges. It was great, she was like 90. go cats

This one is the bestest!

AbeFroman · « **Reply #37 on:** September 20, 2012, 03:46:26 PM »

My uncle is an OU fan. He only likes them because he's lived his whole life in Omaha and hates Nebraska. But it's not about Nebraska anymore. So I went into his and my aunt's room and stuck a pin through all their condoms. Guess I'm getting a surprise cousin soon!

Sandstone Outcropping · « **Reply #38 on:** September 20, 2012, 03:46:44 PM »

Saw this sooner today who's new OU tattoo was infected with MRSA. Turns out her old man paid this unemployed tattoo artist 3 rocks of his homecooked meth for the tat. Of course she got fulminant hepatitis C from the rusty needles and stuff. Now she is going to have to have her leg amputated and needs a liver transplant. This also means that she will be riding her "rascal" with the OU bumper sticker downtown to get her SSDI check.

Pittcat · « **Reply #39 on:** September 20, 2012, 03:55:50 PM »

Guys, I'm pretty sure Mr. Bread is 92% converted. The EMAW's like a warm fuzzy blanket on a cold wintry day, isn't it Mr. Bread?

ksupamplemousse · « **Reply #40 on:** September 20, 2012, 03:56:01 PM »

I was out walking my dog today when I spot a guy in need of some serious help. The guy was bleeding profusely from the stump that was his leg. I asked him what happened, and he told me a junkyard cat ripped his leg off and he needed to know where the nearest hospital was located. I asked him why he didn't call an ambulance, he replied that he was a Sooner and that Sooner's didn't need any damn help to get to the hospital. I gave him directions that would lead him to the local salt refinery, and told him that's how you get to the hospital. If you don't get it, you will in a minute.

EuroCat · « **Reply #41 on:** September 20, 2012, 03:56:06 PM »

Saw this guy with an OU shirt outside the office so i put out my hand like i was going to shake it. Right before he reached me i pulled my hand away and brushed it through my hair and walked away clean. rofl what a rube.

Bloodfart · « **Reply #42 on:** September 20, 2012, 04:02:15 PM »

Walking around town I saw the local priest out tending his flower garden wearing an OU shirt. Apathetically gave a thumbs up then slowly turned it down and kept walking.

deputy dawg · « **Reply #43 on:** September 20, 2012, 04:30:11 PM »

All the OU fans in my building have to wear helmets so they don't hurt themselves by bumping their heads on the wall, curb, overhead pipes, etc. I lulled them into complacency by repeatedly slapping their helmets, and after they got used to me slapping their helmets, I slapped a Powercat sticker on each of their helmets. Not one of these respect OU fans have figured out that they are now Wildcat fans.

pissclams · « **Reply #44 on:** September 20, 2012, 04:30:23 PM »

my next door neighbor, huge OU fan, collects snakes and other reptiles. she has a huge snake collection. after she left for work today, i took all of her snakes and replaced them with cobras, then left the lids off of their cages.
oh boy, can't wait for her to get home from work tonight. sssssszzzzzz

SdK · « **Reply #45 on:** September 20, 2012, 04:35:02 PM »

Quote from: pissclams on September 20, 2012, 04:30:23 PM

my next door neighbor, huge OU fan, collects snakes and other reptiles. she has a huge snake collection. after she left for work today, i took all of her snakes and replaced them with cobras, then left the lids off of their cages.
oh boy, can't wait for her to get home from work tonight. sssssszzzzzz

should have went with sidewinders

Brock Landers · « **Reply #46 on:** September 20, 2012, 04:49:39 PM »

Quote from: Pittcat on September 20, 2012, 03:55:50 PM

Guys, I'm pretty sure Mr. Bread is 92% converted. The EMAW's like a warm fuzzy blanket on a cold wintry day, isn't it Mr. Bread?

Mr. Bread is going to be an absolute treat during basketball season. Glad to see he is embracing football.

buttsbuttsbutts · « **Reply #47 on:** September 20, 2012, 05:09:04 PM »

Saw someone wearing a Blake Griffin Clippers shirt getting coffee by the Cafe Q in the engineering building. I 'accidentally' ran into him and caused him to spill his Cafe Macchiato with 'just a little' whipped cream all over himself.

That_Guy · « **Reply #48 on:** September 20, 2012, 05:26:12 PM »

There was a rather good looking lady driving in front of me today with an Oklahoma tag and an OU sticker on the back. I past her and started driving slow the. She got right behind me so I slammed on the brakes and am making her pay for everything.

Frankenklein · « **Reply #49 on:** September 20, 2012, 05:47:45 PM »

My brother in law is a OU fan and the worst kind,total t-shirt probably never even been to Oklahoma and claims he's been a fan since the Switzer days, thing is he was like 3 the last time Barry was coach.Yesterday I told him that my sister is cheating on him....He rough ridin' cried