Well Beth, your Frank Martin-esque negotiation techniques are brutally effective. I have been authorized to extend an even more generous offer. If you become our exclusive Debate National Champion blogger we have an attractive package of personal services to offer.
You can select one woman or one man that you dislike the most and we will deal with that person in a manner that is untraceable. If it is a woman, I will seduce her, make her fall in love with me, introduce me to her parents, take me to her friends weddings this wedding season, etc. then I will cruelly dump her. If you want, I will tell her she just doesn't compare to Beth Mendenhall and that she also has a pretty big ass.
If it is a guy you dislike, Trim and I will "did not read" all over his stupid world until he moves from the jurisdiction.
This is as high as we can go for anyone not named Abraham Lincoln.