Tried another chase branch, still alive.
The guy at this one knew the game and seemed to want to help me play it. Knew exactly what I meant when I said I'm stuck in 5/24 until June, and knew that I was there for a pre-approval but already knew they don't have those for csr anymore. He looked anyway and saw I have pre-approval for everything but csr, even though I'd be approved for csr but for 5/24. He said they used to have their own special consideration line they'd use to push things through but no more. He thought maybe if I called the chase credit card people and explained all the options I've gone through and that that we're talking about 3 months between the 100k expiring and my 5/24 opening up, maybe they'd work w/me, but doubtful. He thinks 5/24 is stupid as far as being an absolute w/no wiggle room.
I'm waiting for a response from one of the first branch's higher-ups on a business matter, so if that goes well I'll see if he can hook my personal crap up. If that doesn't work, I'll try calling. If that doesn't work, I'll be satisfied there was nothing I could do.