Author Topic: C:benji/documents/DaleCarnegieKU - Modified 10-8-2008  (Read 703 times)

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C:benji/documents/DaleCarnegieKU - Modified 10-8-2008
« on: December 11, 2017, 06:52:41 PM »
When it comes to arguments there is only one sure way to win. Avoid it!!!


KU fan- Hey do you guys still have a football team over at K-State?


KSU Fan- Hey congrats on your lucky fluke of a season last year! If you keep up the good work maybe people will remember you have a football team.


KU Fan- Excuse me, what bowl game did you play in again?


KSU Fan-  Were taking a couple of years off. Our fans are almost out of money after going to 12 bowl games in the past 15 years.


KU Fan- But only 1 in the past 4 years…Your old news man


KSU Fan- Talk to me when you make it to back to back bowl games, let alone 11 in a row.


Surely you’ve heard this conversation, or variations of it, a lot. A KU fan and KSU fan aimlessly going on about which football/basketball team is better. Most of the time the KU fan isn’t going to be convinced that KSU is superior and vice versa.


The Carnegie book helps to bring some insight into how to deal with disagreements.


Welcome the Disagreement- If two people always agreed then one of them wouldn’t be necessary.

Distrust your first Impression-  Our first instinct is to be defensive. Be careful, keep your calm and watch out for your first reaction.

Control Your temper- You can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.

Listen First- Give your opponents a chance to talk, and let them finish. Try to build bridges of understanding, don’t build barriers of misunderstanding.

Look for areas of agreement- When you have heard your opponents out dwell on the points or areas you agree.

Be honest- Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help to disarm your opponent.

Promise to think over your opponents ideas and study them carefully- Your opponent may be right. It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself having your opponents say “we told you so”.

Thank your opponents for their interest- Anyone who takes time to disagree with you is interested in the same thing your are. Think of them as someone who wants to help you. You may turn an opponent into a friend.

Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem- Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day.

Using these methods lets have this conversation again.

KU fan- Do you guys still have a football team over at K-State?


KSU fan- Of course we do. We didn’t have as good of a season as you guys last year but we still have a team.


KU fan- Well you should probably just drop your football program. KU is the only school in Kansas that matters anymore, give it up and go farm or something.


KSU fan- I’m not going to lie, you guys had an impressive season last year. In fact KU kind of reminds me of KSU teams from the early 90’s. Your starting to build a good program. That doesn’t mean that there isn’t enough room in Kansas for two football teams though.


KU fan- We are starting to build a pretty good program. Mangino was clearly the brains behind the turnaround at KSU. Too bad he’s our coach now!


KSU fan- Mangino is a good coach who helped make the KSU program what it is now. But you should always remember that before Snyder hired him he was working at a toll booth. I think we should go grab some beers and forget about what team is better, maybe tomorrow we will realize that having two football teams in Kansas brings a lot of recognition to the state.


Avoiding the argument and complementing the other person helps to disarm them. When they realize they are not mad at you anymore it becomes much easier to find a common ground in where you can agree.

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"I think my grandpa killed some body once, he never liked to talk about Kent State though"