Couple of things, mostly perspective about my life recently.
There is a possibility that I met the future Mrs. TBT last weekend. This brings a few things into play. The first is that she lives in KC and the current situation with me being in MHK and her there doesn't bode well. I've done the long distance thing before and it didn't turn out right. The second thing is that eventually I do probably see myself in KC. The money is hand over fist more than what I make now for what I do. I'm not complaining about what I make now, it's a very good job and I could keep it until I retire if I wanted. In my current field I have some pretty lofty goals, I didn't have that at all in the business world.
I constantly feel, idk how to explain this, but I feel kind of empty inside when there isn't anything going on. I basically don't have a night off during the summers with all the things going on, but I also feel like maybe MHK is too small for me. I love MHK with almost all my heart, but idk I just feel like it's too small sometimes. I have pretty much all of my close friends living here now, after most had been away and they all have pretty much moved back.
Maybe I am bi-polar, idk, I don't feel like it but whenever I have a free day and no structure I feel lost in my own consciousness. Sometimes I even feel like I have legit gone insane. THEN I go back to work and have structure and I feel normal again. It's such a weird sensation, I'm just not sure how to handle it. This has happened on occasion for some time, but it's exponentially expanded since I have been working full time and I have nothing to do on the weekends. The mindset has been to just make it through those times, and I have outlets to hang out with friends or do stuff. The issue is when I get 'no' answers when everyone is busy.
When I was 16 I picked up all my crap and moved 800 miles, after telling about 3 people. I only told these people because I felt close to them. I feel like that a lot these days. I don't think that would solve any of my issues but in theory they do get solved. I have these thoughts almost every Sunday and then by 9AM Monday morning they are all gone. This is the kind of shitty consciousness stuff that I deal with on a daily/weekly basis.
I'm not looking for any kind of advice or guidance, I just feel better sharing and feel comfortable sharing under my own name than in the dreaded #1Thread name tonight.