Hey guys who buy crap for work!

[Saulbadguy]

I better get bomb ass seats to a sporting event of my choice before you even think about getting my biz.

I have budget to take you to a nice lunch if you're willing to pretend you're interested my product in front my engineer I'll be bringing along. Then we can talk about the C@ts.


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Just shut up and let your sales engineer talk, I don't give a crap about what the salesman has to say

[Saulbadguy]

Hey, I know your quarter end is tomorrow. I better see some deep discounts PLUS a nice microfiber polo shirt. And maybe a backpack.

[Institutional Control]

Shutting up is my specialty.


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[Saulbadguy]

If I have a support ticket that I can't get a competent engineer to pick up, you sure as hell better press the "escalate" button on your salesforce app when i'm bitching about it during our "bi-weekly catch up" meeting.

[Saulbadguy]

No, I don't want to go to "Top Golf" with you.

[Institutional Control]

I thought everyone loved Top Golf.


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[MakeItRain]

no to all of the above

I avoid talking to my clients on the phone, not doing it with a vendor.

I had this hardcore hillbilly from West Virginia, I mean the hillbilliest hillbilly I have ever met, come by my office and sell me some all-natural, all-purpose cleaner. He used it to clean spots on my exterior door, tile floor, and a stain on my carpet. He drank the crap to prove it was all natural. I purchased 3 cases for $400.

[Institutional Control]

If any of you accidently open a sales email, post it here. I'd be curious to see how good or bad they are.

Thanks in advance.


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[wetwillie]

Can you give away access to a free trial of this software?

[Institutional Control]

Can you give away access to a free trial of this software?

I can but I'm sure most people here even a lot of the IT people would have no use for it.


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[Saulbadguy]

A lot of the sales emails have a subject line starting with an Re:

[Tobias]

robot crap like this all day long

Dear Tobias,
   
It’s Richard one more time. Sorry to bother you again, but my last two emails must have missed you (below). I was asking if you use Citrix XenApp to access enterprise applications and content, or just want to move away from VDI, and are in need of significant cost reduction and simplification. If so, my company can help and it won't take me more than 10 minutes to explain how we work and what we guarantee.

(Moreover, if you are running Citrix 6.x, and rapidly approaching end-of-life (EOL) – there’s even more reason to talk.)
   
We're Ericom. IDC says we're a 'Major Player' in the Virtual Client Computing Software market. They call us a uniquely powerful, yet user-friendly remote desktop and application-access solution. Our clients, however, simply say we cost less and are a lot easier to use.

Tobias, please let me know when you have 10 minutes to review what a change can do for you through Ericom. Thanks and let’s talk soon.

Regards,

Richard Bauer
Vice President



Previous emails:

Dear Tobias,

It’s Richard again. Sorry to bother you, but my last email seems to have missed you (below). I was asking if you use Citrix XenApp to access enterprise applications and content, or just want to move away from VDI, and are in need of significant cost reduction and simplification. If so, my company can help and it won't take me more than 10 minutes to explain how we work and what we guarantee.

(Moreover, if you are running Citrix 6.x, and rapidly approaching end-of-life (EOL) – there’s even more reason to talk.)
   
We're Ericom. IDC says we're a 'Major Player' in the Virtual Client Computing Software market. They call us a uniquely powerful, yet user-friendly remote desktop and application-access solution. Our clients, however, simply say we cost less and are a lot easier to use.

Tobias, please let me know when you have 10 minutes to review what a change can do for you through Ericom. Thanks and let’s talk soon.

Regards,

Richard Bauer
Vice President

Previous email:

Dear Tobias,

If you use Citrix XenApp to access enterprise applications and content, or just want to move away from VDI, and are in need of significant cost reduction and simplification, let’s talk. It won't take more than 10 minutes to explain.

Moreover, if you are running Citrix 6.x, and rapidly approaching end-of-life (EOL) – it’s even more reason to talk.

We're Ericom. IDC says we're a 'Major Player' in the Virtual Client Computing Software market. They call us a uniquely powerful, yet user-friendly remote desktop and application-access solution. Our clients, however, simply say we cost less and are a lot easier to use.

Tobias, please let me know when you have 10 minutes to review what a change can do for you through Ericom.

Thanks and let’s talk soon.

Regards,

Richard Bauer
Vice President


231 Herbert Avenue Bldg#4
Closter, NJ 07624

[Tobias]

^^^ "RE: Meeting Time"

A lot of the sales emails have a subject line starting with an Re:

[michigancat]

I have a side job where I get PR pitches. Far worse, higher frequency, and nastier than any sales emails. Like, emails where the subject line is literally, "Hey {INSERT FIRST NAME HERE}, have you checked this out?"

And then the body says "Hey there, {INSERT FIRST NAME HERE}"

The "Re:" subject is pretty common. Lots of them talk about the weather or ask me how my weekend was even though I have never interacted with them in any way ever. Some of them get very passive-aggressive about you missing out on their pitch, like they're personally offended. One guy recently signed an email "thanks legend". (I was the legend). I usually don't read them, but when I have time they're usually pretty great.

[Institutional Control]

I have a side job where I get PR pitches. Far worse, higher frequency, and nastier than any sales emails. Like, emails where the subject line is literally, "Hey {INSERT FIRST NAME HERE}, have you checked this out?"

And then the body says "Hey there, {INSERT FIRST NAME HERE}"

The "Re:" subject is pretty common. Lots of them talk about the weather or ask me how my weekend was even though I have never interacted with them in any way ever. Some of them get very passive-aggressive about you missing out on their pitch, like they're personally offended. One guy recently signed an email "thanks legend". (I was the legend). I usually don't read them, but when I have time they're usually pretty great.

That's pretty lazy mail merging right there.

When I first got into sales I would SPAM the crap out of people.  Back then, my only goal was to get someone, anyone, to agree to a phone call or meeting with a sales person.  Then I went to a role where I was the taking the follow up meeting/phone call.  Most of the time, those people had agreed to take a meeting but really had no idea what I was selling.  Now that I'm with a small company, I'm doing everything. Cold calling/emailing for new business, following up leads from trade shows, inbound emails and phone calls, renewals and taking the meetings with clients.   I'm trying to be more efficient in my prospecting and not SPAMing people.  So, I try and do more research of the company and the contact and see if I can't find a pain point that my software solves.  The problem is it is harder and harder to get people to even open an email or answer a phone to get that first pitch even if I have a product that they might be interested in.  So, that's why I was interested in what makes you guys interested in an email that you actually would reply to.

[The Big Train]

First thing I look for in an email is that it doesn't have a .docm file attached to it. 

[420seriouscat69]

Like waiting tables, I feel it's very important for everyone to have some type of sales job in their life at one point (It can be lemonade for all I care). I think it can round a person out and make them less shitty.

[CNS]

depends.  Seems like lots of ppl could get the wrong sales job and be make more shitty.   

[Institutional Control]

Like waiting tables, I feel it's very important for everyone to have some type of sales job in their life at one point (It can be lemonade for all I care). I think it can round a person out and make them less shitty.

I don't know about thought.  Some of the shittiest people I know are sales people.  I think a customer service type of job is really better at rounding out a person. 

[420seriouscat69]

depends.  Seems like lots of ppl could get the wrong sales job and be make more shitty.   

ppl who've never done sales/waiting have a preconceived notion on the matter and it shows in this thread. Very uppity assholes, who've fitted into their craft and can't look outside of it.

[420seriouscat69]

Like waiting tables, I feel it's very important for everyone to have some type of sales job in their life at one point (It can be lemonade for all I care). I think it can round a person out and make them less shitty.

I don't know about thought.  Some of the shittiest people I know are sales people.  I think a customer service type of job is really better at rounding out a person.

Some of the shittiest ppl I know are Lawyers and IT dorks. This could be said for several of types of ppl. No one frowns upon them tho, for doing their damn job.

[Tobias]

why are you lumping sales and waiting tables together?  agree with mckee on a customer service type job

[Institutional Control]

Like waiting tables, I feel it's very important for everyone to have some type of sales job in their life at one point (It can be lemonade for all I care). I think it can round a person out and make them less shitty.

I don't know about thought.  Some of the shittiest people I know are sales people.  I think a customer service type of job is really better at rounding out a person.

Some of the shittiest ppl I know are Lawyers and IT dorks. This could be said for several of types of ppl. No one frowns upon them tho, for doing their damn job.

I'm pretty sure I've heard more jokes about lawyers being shitty people than about all other professions.  Except politicians and most politicians are lawyers.

[420seriouscat69]

why are you lumping sales and waiting tables together?  agree with mckee on a customer service type job

I mean both of those things are very customer servicey. I just think you finally see how shitty ppl can be IRL in those types of jobs. At least in my experience and the tone in this thread.

[Emo EMAW]

Life/work would be so much better without customers.