Author Topic: The Bible (Read 38498 times)

Rage Against the McKee · « **Reply #300 on:** January 17, 2017, 08:13:36 AM »

Quote from: steve dave on January 17, 2017, 08:09:44 AM

Confession: I usually skip all the poetry books.

I think only preachers and priests read that crap.

star seed 7 · « **Reply #301 on:** January 17, 2017, 08:24:15 AM »

Little more vague than I was thinking

Tobias · « **Reply #302 on:** January 17, 2017, 08:27:36 AM »

guess i dont need the audiobook anymore, p good recap

Mrs. Gooch · « **Reply #303 on:** January 17, 2017, 08:30:36 AM »

Lib, you do know about Jesus walking on water and raising Lazarus from the dead, right?

Rage Against the McKee · « **Reply #304 on:** January 17, 2017, 08:35:26 AM »

The bible has a story where a bunch of kids mock some old man, calling him "bald head". So the old dude curses them in the name of god and 2 she-bears come out and maul 42 of them.

Quote

2 Kings 2:23-24King James Version (KJV)

23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

star seed 7 · « **Reply #305 on:** January 17, 2017, 08:35:42 AM »

Quote from: Mrs. Gooch on January 17, 2017, 08:30:36 AM

Lib, you do know about Jesus walking on water and raising Lazarus from the dead, right?

I've heard about it, but don't really know the details

steve dave · « **Reply #306 on:** January 17, 2017, 08:44:18 AM »

Quote from: libliblibliblibliblib on January 17, 2017, 08:35:42 AM

Quote from: Mrs. Gooch on January 17, 2017, 08:30:36 AM
Lib, you do know about Jesus walking on water and raising Lazarus from the dead, right?

I've heard about it, but don't really know the details

That's about it actually.

Rage Against the McKee · « **Reply #307 on:** January 17, 2017, 08:45:23 AM »

Yeah, most of the stories in the bible are about 2 lines long.

steve dave · « **Reply #308 on:** January 17, 2017, 08:49:48 AM »

You watch some of those Bible movies? Mostly filled in gaps between a couple WTF things (turn stick into snake, rains frogs, make the sea split in two....just fill in the rest around that)

Mrs. Gooch · « **Reply #309 on:** January 17, 2017, 08:50:20 AM »

Here's a great song to help you understand the Lazarus story.

Emo EMAW · « **Reply #310 on:** January 17, 2017, 10:09:25 AM »

@lib you should check out:

A Child's First Bible https://www.amazon.com/dp/0842331743/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_SfKFybKZHX8GX

My son really likes it and there is a bunch of crazy crap in there that I've never heard of and am inspired to learn about eventually.

Really leaves more questions than answers, tho.

catastrophe · « **Reply #311 on:** January 17, 2017, 12:29:59 PM »

Quote from: libliblibliblibliblib on January 16, 2017, 04:52:12 PM

I thought cannibalism is a sin

Only if you're Jewish. We went over this already.

sys · « **Reply #312 on:** January 17, 2017, 12:31:22 PM »

that she-bear story is great. you never know when god's going to go apeshit for some little thing that he normally lets slide.

catastrophe · « **Reply #313 on:** January 17, 2017, 12:37:59 PM »

And to clear up the Catholic communion thing, some churches practice "open" communion and some practice "closed" communion, which means they only want members of the faith participating. That is because they see it as having a specific meaning and that if you do not share that significance then you should not participate. Catholic communion is very much closed because their beliefs are among the most extreme: that once the rite is performed then the bread and wine become the flesh and blood of Jesus, which takes Jesus's words literally while most other Christians believe they were meant figuratively.

As you can imagine, this is about as sensitive as it gets with Catholics, who don't want to see people consuming their savior without a sincere belief in what they are doing.

catastrophe · « **Reply #314 on:** January 17, 2017, 12:39:35 PM »

Quote from: sys on January 17, 2017, 12:31:22 PM

that she-bear story is great. you never know when god's going to go apeshit for some little thing that he normally lets slide.

I've heard an interpretation that this story is intended to show that (Elisha or Elijah, I forget) did not realize how much power he had been given at this point.

steve dave · « **Reply #315 on:** January 17, 2017, 12:43:17 PM »

Good way for god to teach him that lesson by having one or more rough ridin' grizzleys maul exactly 42 children.

steve dave · « **Reply #316 on:** January 17, 2017, 12:44:44 PM »

That'll teach this bald crap

steve dave · « **Reply #317 on:** January 17, 2017, 12:45:40 PM »

Also the more famous story where god makes the dad almost murder his son to prove he loves him. What a great god. Didn't even make him follow through!

CNS · « **Reply #318 on:** January 17, 2017, 12:50:07 PM »

I made an mostly uninformed choice, when it was mine to make, and I am feeling pretty good about it, you guys.

Rage Against the McKee · « **Reply #319 on:** January 17, 2017, 01:09:12 PM »

Quote from: sys on January 17, 2017, 12:31:22 PM

that she-bear story is great. you never know when god's going to go apeshit for some little thing that he normally lets slide.

I like to think it's how Baylor decided on their mascot.

Mrs. Gooch · « **Reply #320 on:** January 17, 2017, 01:16:55 PM »

Quote from: steve dave on January 17, 2017, 12:45:40 PM

Also the more famous story where god makes the dad almost murder his son to prove he loves him. What a great god. Didn't even make him follow through!

Oh yeah that's a classic.

Mrs. Gooch · « **Reply #321 on:** January 17, 2017, 01:21:42 PM »

You know why women have to have a painful childbirth, right? Because Eve ate an apple. If it wasn't for Eve being so stupid and selfish, babies would just fly out of vages with ease.

mocat · « **Reply #322 on:** January 17, 2017, 01:24:05 PM »

Quote from: steve dave on January 17, 2017, 08:02:18 AM

Jesus. One day he's saying give to Caesar what is Caesars and the next he's losing his crap manic style and flipping over tax collector tables and whipping people. Bi-polar?

he flipped over people's tables who were selling stuff inside the temple. never did anything negative re: tax or tax collectors iirc

Rage Against the McKee · « **Reply #323 on:** January 17, 2017, 01:25:24 PM »

Quote from: Mrs. Gooch on January 17, 2017, 01:21:42 PM

You know why women have to have a painful childbirth, right? Because Eve ate an apple. If it wasn't for Eve being so stupid and selfish, babies would just fly out of vages with ease.

God told her not to eat that apple. Don't act like all she did was eat an apple.

steve dave · « **Reply #324 on:** January 17, 2017, 01:25:31 PM »

iirc it was money changers? May have to revisit to confirm (not irl)