CF3 judges your jokes on a scale of 0 to 5 tacos

[Spracne]

A drunk walks into a bar, orders a shot and and immediately pukes all over his own shirt. "Wha' my gonna do now? My wifez gonna kill me."

"Relax," the bartender says, "give me a five-dollar bill." The bartender folds up the bill and puts it in the guy's shirt pocket. "Tell your wife some drunk puked on you and gave you five bucks to have your shirt cleaned."

"Thass a great idea!"

When the drunk gets home his wife answers the door. "Where have you been? What happened to your shirt?"

He tries to put on a sober voice and says, "Relaaax honey, some drunk guy puked on me and gave me five bucks to have my shirt cleaned."

The drunk's wife reaches in his pocket, grabs the money, and says, "There's $10 in here!"

"Oh yeah, he sh*t my pants, too."

A pirate walks into a GAP Kids with a ship's steering wheel protruding from his fly. A kid says, "scuse me, Ser, but did you know you have a ship's steering wheel coming out of your fly?"

"Arrrrrg, I know," he replied. "It's driving me nuts."

zero tacos. The Gap kids part is unneeded for the punch line and just makes it creepy. If you're gonna be gross it better add to the humor of the joke.

Subtext: the pirate has dwarfism

[steve dave]

A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchen. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. 'No. I'm the chip monk'

[Cartierfor3]

A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchen. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. 'No. I'm the chip monk'

[Benja]

SD's sense of humor seems to largely rely on puns.

[kslim]

Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?





 Fo' drizzle.

[kslim]

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?





 




He was looking for Pooh

[kslim]

What's Forrest Gump's password?















1forrest1

[star seed 7]

I admire sd always keeping it family friendly

[Benja]

I admire sd always keeping it family friendly

yes, they are good puns.

[deputy dawg]

Q:  What do you get when you cross a clam with an owl?

A:  You get a mussel that wants to stay up all night.

[ben ji]

Three Blonde girls are lost in the woods when they come across some tracks.

The first blonde says "These look like Bear tracks"

The second blonde says "No, I've seen tracks like these before, they are definitely Deer Tracks"

The third blonde says "No no no! These are wolf tracks!"

After 2 hours of arguing they are hit and killed by a train.

[EMAWesome]

Fascist thread

Sent from my HTC One_M8 using Tapatalk

[Katpappy]

Man walks into a Soup & Salad House.  He orders soup.  He sees a hair in the soup and tells the waitress that he's not paying for the filthy dirty soup.  He then walks over to the local House of Favors.  The waitress follows, because can't figure our what a picky man like that would be doing in a place like that.  She opens the door to the room he is in, and to her surprise, she sees the guy with his head buried in this gal's muff.  She YELLS at the man, "You son-of-a-bitch, you wouldn't pay for the soup, but here you are buried in muff!"  The guy pulls his head out and YELLS back, "And if there's a noodle in here, I'm not paying for this either!"

[8manpick]

1 pink taco

[Cartierfor3]

Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?





 Fo' drizzle.

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?





 




He was looking for Pooh

What's Forrest Gump's password?















1forrest1

I dunno I just like this one

[Cartierfor3]

Q:  What do you get when you cross a clam with an owl?

A:  You get a mussel that wants to stay up all night.

not sure i get it.

Three Blonde girls are lost in the woods when they come across some tracks.

The first blonde says "These look like Bear tracks"

The second blonde says "No, I've seen tracks like these before, they are definitely Deer Tracks"

The third blonde says "No no no! These are wolf tracks!"

After 2 hours of arguing they are hit and killed by a train.

oh man! didn't see it coming!

Man walks into a Soup & Salad House.  He orders soup.  He sees a hair in the soup and tells the waitress that he's not paying for the filthy dirty soup.  He then walks over to the local House of Favors.  The waitress follows, because can't figure our what a picky man like that would be doing in a place like that.  She opens the door to the room he is in, and to her surprise, she sees the guy with his head buried in this gal's muff.  She YELLS at the man, "You son-of-a-bitch, you wouldn't pay for the soup, but here you are buried in muff!"  The guy pulls his head out and YELLS back, "And if there's a noodle in here, I'm not paying for this either!"

[Phil Titola]

A drunk walks into a bar, orders a shot and and immediately pukes all over his own shirt. "Wha' my gonna do now? My wifez gonna kill me."

"Relax," the bartender says, "give me a five-dollar bill." The bartender folds up the bill and puts it in the guy's shirt pocket. "Tell your wife some drunk puked on you and gave you five bucks to have your shirt cleaned."

"Thass a great idea!"

When the drunk gets home his wife answers the door. "Where have you been? What happened to your shirt?"

He tries to put on a sober voice and says, "Relaaax honey, some drunk guy puked on me and gave me five bucks to have my shirt cleaned."

The drunk's wife reaches in his pocket, grabs the money, and says, "There's $10 in here!"

"Oh yeah, he sh*t my pants, too."

This is my go to joke lately....

[Phil Titola]

What is the last thing you want to hear when sucking Willie Nelson's dick?









I'm not Willie Nelson.

[SdK]

Cuantas estrellas hay en el cielo?



cincuenta.



SIN CUENTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SdK]

Que es venganza?


no no no, es lo que el ganzo le dice a la ganza!!!! 

[gato montes]

What does a pirate hate the most?


A small chest and no booty.   

[420seriouscat69]

An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.

"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"

The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have sex with the mermaid."

"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"

"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have sex, so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."

[BIG APPLE CAT]

What does Mexican Elvis say?


Gracias. Muchas gracias.

[slobber]

What does Japanese Elvis say?

Domo. Domo. Domo alrigato mr roboto


Gonna win 'em all!

[Cartierfor3]

What is the last thing you want to hear when sucking Willie Nelson's dick?









I'm not Willie Nelson.

Cuantas estrellas hay en el cielo?



cincuenta.



SIN CUENTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

zero tacos

Que es venganza?


no no no, es lo que el ganzo le dice a la ganza!!!! 

zero tacos

What does a pirate hate the most?


A small chest and no booty.   

An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.

"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"

The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have sex with the mermaid."

"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"

"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have sex, so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."