CF3 judges your jokes on a scale of 0 to 5 tacos

[The Big Train]

Einstein, Pascal, and Newton are playing hide and seek.

Einstein starts counting. Pascal runs off. Newton stays put and draws a square in the dirt.

Einstein looks up and says that was easy, found you Newton. Newton says no, you found Pascal. One Newton per meter squared.

 

http://goEMAW.com/forum/index.php?topic=5757.850

[j-dub]

umm guys, i don't think cf3 is grading jokes anymore. pretty sure the deadline was sometime last week. via con dios tho

[SdK]

eff. I forgot where I got that one from

[Cartierfor3]

Your jokes will be tacoed tomorrow but I need to get to bed.

[EMAWesome]

A salmon is swimming in a stream and it is watching a fly thinking if that fly would just drop 6 inches he'd jump up to get the fly.

A bear is watching the salmon watch the fly thinking if that fly would just drop 6 inches the salmon would jump up to get the fly, and he would get the salmon.

A hunter is watching the bear watch the salmon watch the fly thinking if that fly would just drop 6 inches the salmon would jump up to get the fly, the bear would get the salmon & and he would shoot the bear.

A mouse is watching the hunter watch the bear watch the salmon watching the fly thinking if the fly would just drop 6 inches, the salmon would jump up to get the fly, the bear would get salmon the hunter would get the bear and he would get the hunters cheese sandwich.

A cat is watching the mouse watch the hunter watch the bear watch the salmon watch the fly thinking if the fly would just drop 6 inches, the salmon would get the fly, the bear would get the salmon the hunter would shoot the bear, the mouse would get the cheese sandwich and he would get the mouse.

This goes on for a few minutes when finally...

The fly drops 6 inches, the salmon gets the fly, the bear gets the salmon, the hunter shoots the bear, the mouse gets the cheese sandwich, and the cat goes for the mouse but falls in the stream instead.

The moral of the story?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
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Every time a fly drops 6 inches a pussy is bound to get wet. 

Try telling this joke when you are 3 sheets to the wind. 

[star seed 7]

Pretty wordy

['taterblast]

i don't get it

[The Tonya Harding of Twitter Users Creep]

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
2. The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 200 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nope! Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

[Mr Bread]

Man he served those uppity b-words right up. 

[The Big Train]

CF3 promising he would taco the current jokes yesterday

[420seriouscat69]

So three guys walked into a KU football game and ....

That's it. That's the joke!

[Cartierfor3]

Three engineers are riding in a car.

One is a mechanical engineer, one is an electrical engineer, and one is a computer engineer.

The car breaks down and coasts to the side of the road.

"Hang on," says the mechanical engineer. "The problem is probably the engine, let me have a look at it and I'll have us on the road again in no time."

"Wait," says the electrical engineer. "The way it just stopped like that, I think it's the electrical system. Let me have a look and I'll get us going again in a minute or two."

"Hold on," says the computer engineer. "Why don't we all just get out of the car and get in again, and then see if it starts?"

weak engineering joke.

two engineers are debating about what kind of engineer designed a woman.

the first engineer, an electrical engineer says, "It must be an electrical engineer. Women's minds are so complicated!"

the second engineer, a mechanical engineer says, "It must be a mechanical engineer. Women move so swiftly and beautifully."

the first engineer chimes back "Nah, must be a civil engineer. Who else would put a sewage system right next to a playground?!"

Three engineers walked into a bar. They ran up a super high tab but it was cool because they all have good jobs because they went to K-State.

['taterblast]

 

[Cartierfor3]

Three engineers walk into a bar.  They don't talk to anyone, including each other, because they're socially awkward and don't understand interpersonal relationships.

Three engineers walk into a bar.  They don't talk to anyone, including each other, because they're socially awkward and don't understand interpersonal relationships.

Three Spracne's walk into a bar. Everyone is nice though because we're salt of the earth types, and hey, it's just message boarding. How 'bout them royals?

A boulder and a pebble are standing on a cliff. Which one jumps first?

The pebble because he's a little bolder.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?


I can't get hard, I just got laid by a chick.

[Cartierfor3]

Einstein, Pascal, and Newton are playing hide and seek.

Einstein starts counting. Pascal runs off. Newton stays put and draws a square in the dirt.

Einstein looks up and says that was easy, found you Newton. Newton says no, you found Pascal. One Newton per meter squared.

Roman soldier walks in a bar and says I'll have a martinus. Bartender says "a martini?" Soldier says if I wanted more than one I would have said so. Little while later another soldier walks in, holds up two fingers, and says I'll have five beers.

A poet, a priest, and an engineer are sentenced to being executed by guillotine. Poet is up first but the guillotine jams. Executioner says I only get one shot, you must be an amazing poet. You're free. Priest is up next, same thing, jams up. Executioner says it must be because you are a man of God. You are free. The engineer is last and with his head on the block looks up and says "Hey I think I see the problem."

A salmon is swimming in a stream and it is watching a fly thinking if that fly would just drop 6 inches he'd jump up to get the fly.

A bear is watching the salmon watch the fly thinking if that fly would just drop 6 inches the salmon would jump up to get the fly, and he would get the salmon.

A hunter is watching the bear watch the salmon watch the fly thinking if that fly would just drop 6 inches the salmon would jump up to get the fly, the bear would get the salmon & and he would shoot the bear.

A mouse is watching the hunter watch the bear watch the salmon watching the fly thinking if the fly would just drop 6 inches, the salmon would jump up to get the fly, the bear would get salmon the hunter would get the bear and he would get the hunters cheese sandwich.

A cat is watching the mouse watch the hunter watch the bear watch the salmon watch the fly thinking if the fly would just drop 6 inches, the salmon would get the fly, the bear would get the salmon the hunter would shoot the bear, the mouse would get the cheese sandwich and he would get the mouse.

This goes on for a few minutes when finally...

The fly drops 6 inches, the salmon gets the fly, the bear gets the salmon, the hunter shoots the bear, the mouse gets the cheese sandwich, and the cat goes for the mouse but falls in the stream instead.

The moral of the story?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Every time a fly drops 6 inches a pussy is bound to get wet. 

Try telling this joke when you are 3 sheets to the wind. 

[Cartierfor3]

Rule #1: Know your audience. Engineering jokes? Really?

[steve dave]

that's why my food puns are dominating this thing kids

[steve dave]

Why did the student eat his homework?

The teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

['taterblast]

a roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says "five beers please."

['taterblast]

a buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says "make me one with everything."

[Cartierfor3]

So three guys walked into a KU football game and ....

That's it. That's the joke!

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
2. The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 200 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nope! Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

oldie but a goodie

CF3 promising he would taco the current jokes yesterday

[Cartierfor3]

Why did the student eat his homework?

The teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

a roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says "five beers please."

luked

a buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says "make me one with everything."

['taterblast]

A drunk walks into a bar, orders a shot and and immediately pukes all over his own shirt. "Wha' my gonna do now? My wifez gonna kill me."

"Relax," the bartender says, "give me a five-dollar bill." The bartender folds up the bill and puts it in the guy's shirt pocket. "Tell your wife some drunk puked on you and gave you five bucks to have your shirt cleaned."

"Thass a great idea!"

When the drunk gets home his wife answers the door. "Where have you been? What happened to your shirt?"

He tries to put on a sober voice and says, "Relaaax honey, some drunk guy puked on me and gave me five bucks to have my shirt cleaned."

The drunk's wife reaches in his pocket, grabs the money, and says, "There's $10 in here!"

"Oh yeah, he sh*t my pants, too."

[Spracne]

A pirate walks into a GAP Kids with a ship's steering wheel protruding from his fly. A kid says, "scuse me, Ser, but did you know you have a ship's steering wheel coming out of your fly?"

"Arrrrrg, I know," he replied. "It's driving me nuts."

[Cartierfor3]

A drunk walks into a bar, orders a shot and and immediately pukes all over his own shirt. "Wha' my gonna do now? My wifez gonna kill me."

"Relax," the bartender says, "give me a five-dollar bill." The bartender folds up the bill and puts it in the guy's shirt pocket. "Tell your wife some drunk puked on you and gave you five bucks to have your shirt cleaned."

"Thass a great idea!"

When the drunk gets home his wife answers the door. "Where have you been? What happened to your shirt?"

He tries to put on a sober voice and says, "Relaaax honey, some drunk guy puked on me and gave me five bucks to have my shirt cleaned."

The drunk's wife reaches in his pocket, grabs the money, and says, "There's $10 in here!"

"Oh yeah, he sh*t my pants, too."

A pirate walks into a GAP Kids with a ship's steering wheel protruding from his fly. A kid says, "scuse me, Ser, but did you know you have a ship's steering wheel coming out of your fly?"

"Arrrrrg, I know," he replied. "It's driving me nuts."

zero tacos. The Gap kids part is unneeded for the punch line and just makes it creepy. If you're gonna be gross it better add to the humor of the joke.