Author Topic: CF3 judges your jokes on a scale of 0 to 5 tacos (Read 70308 times)

CHONGS · « **Reply #75 on:** June 02, 2014, 02:56:33 PM »

I was really thirsty one day and when I got a cold glass of ice water I was like, this is some solid H2OHYESTHISISGOOD.

mocat · « **Reply #76 on:** June 02, 2014, 02:57:02 PM »

"if you talk about batting averages you must be from 1908"

Mrs. Gooch · « **Reply #77 on:** June 02, 2014, 02:57:08 PM »

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Banana
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Banana
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Banana
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?

Spracne · « **Reply #78 on:** June 02, 2014, 02:57:16 PM »

Why is CF3 so caustic? Because the trifluomethyl group has a significant electronegativity that is often described as being intermediate between the electronegativities of fluorine and chlorine. For this reason, trifluoromethyl-substituted compounds are often strong acids, such as trifluoromethanesulfonic acid and trifluoroacetic acid.

The Tonya Harding of Twitter Users Creep · « **Reply #79 on:** June 02, 2014, 02:57:34 PM »

a man walks up to the counter at the library and says "hello. ill have a cheeseburger and fries, please!"

the lady at the counter says "sir you know youre in a library, right?"

the man whispers back "oh, sorry, ill have a cheeseburger and fries, please."

Benja · « **Reply #80 on:** June 02, 2014, 02:58:08 PM »

Two gay guys walked into a bar in western kansas.

Everything went great because the owners were very nice and accepting.

Benja · « **Reply #81 on:** June 02, 2014, 03:01:19 PM »

Quote from: Benja on June 02, 2014, 02:58:08 PM

Two gay guys walked into a bar in western kansas.

Everything went great because the owners were very nice and accepting.

This one kills at parties btw. I hope it get a solid taco score.

CHONGS · « **Reply #82 on:** June 02, 2014, 03:04:11 PM »

On orange cat was sitting on a fence watching a squirrel run across the lawn. The cat yells, "Hey man, why in such a big hurry?" The squirrel turns back and shouts, "Because I don't want you to eat me bro!", to which the cat replies "Oh that makes sense, too bad it's Lent though and I have given up eating squirrels, so you can just relax." The squirrel doesn't stop running though because it knew that cat was at best a Christmas/Easter cat. Unfortunately, a Methodist owl was in the tree and ate Mr. Squirrel

.

But its ok because Mr. Squirrel was a serial killer

.

Benja · « **Reply #83 on:** June 02, 2014, 03:06:41 PM »

j-dub · « **Reply #84 on:** June 02, 2014, 03:06:54 PM »

Quote from: mocat on June 02, 2014, 02:57:02 PM

"if you talk about batting averages you must be from 1908"

The Tonya Harding of Twitter Users Creep · « **Reply #85 on:** June 02, 2014, 03:08:37 PM »

a priest is walking down the sidewalk and he stumbles into a homeless drunk guy. the homeless guy looks up and says "I am Jesus."

the priest doesnt believe him and says "if you're Jesus, prove it."

the homeless man says "ok, follow me" and they walk into a bar.

the two men walk in and the bartender says "Jesus Christ, what are you doing in here again?!"

CHONGS · « **Reply #86 on:** June 02, 2014, 03:11:57 PM »

Why do aliens have such big heads? Because they love hats.

CHONGS · « **Reply #87 on:** June 02, 2014, 03:24:02 PM »

What's the deal with toothpaste? I mean come on! With the tubes and having to squeeze it from the end. It's like "Hello? It's 2014 here can't put this into a better delivery system?" They can make quantum enabled beer cans but with toothpaste we have to hunch over and squeeeeze from the end like a 3 year old kid in daycare on crack! And don't get me started on what it looks like. "OOH DUR LET'S MAKE IT WHITE AGAIN!" "GREAT IDEA JONES!" And the commercials for this stuff? GIVE ME A BREAK! You have these demented grinning psychos running around cramming this paste into their faces while I gotta sit here and believe that this is greatest miracle known to man. It doesn't even do what it says? I'd love to see you try to get a tooth knocked out and put back in place with this so-called tooth paste! Advertisers man, they will stop at nothing to get your soul. What we need is a paste to get rid of them [pause for applause], maybe call it butt paste because that's where the heads of these bozos on 5th Avenue are at!

CHONGS · « **Reply #88 on:** June 02, 2014, 03:28:29 PM »

Vodka, Gin, and Whiskey all walk into a Whole Foods. The manager runs up to the and demands to know why they aren't wearing pants. Vodka runs away, Gin starts crying and Whiskey shoots him in the head.

Shooter Jones · « **Reply #89 on:** June 02, 2014, 03:34:55 PM »

what do you do when you see a Spaceman?

park your car, man.

kslim · « **Reply #90 on:** June 02, 2014, 03:45:22 PM »

Is four tacos good? Did I break it?

HerrSonntag · « **Reply #91 on:** June 02, 2014, 09:06:45 PM »

Quote from: Emo EMAW on June 02, 2014, 02:35:20 PM

Quote from: Cartierfor3 on June 02, 2014, 02:30:35 PM
Quote from: HerrSonntag on June 02, 2014, 12:28:53 AM
Cashing in on the gastro-gourmet trends of high end restaurants in the area, some chemistry grad students decide to open up their own restaurant. On their first day, two business men sit down for lunch. Laughing about the novelty of the place, the first orders an H2O when asked what he'd like to drink. The second man says he'd like an H20 too. The restaurant was shut down before dinner.

This is actually a great joke he just screwed up the delivery.

I was trying to change it from meme caption form to spoken joke form, i thought it was funny.

Dr Rick Daris · « **Reply #92 on:** June 02, 2014, 09:12:13 PM »

horse walks into a bar and the bartender says hey why the long face?

also, chingon's are very funny.

The Big Train · « **Reply #93 on:** June 02, 2014, 09:25:02 PM »

Phil Titola · « **Reply #94 on:** June 02, 2014, 09:37:32 PM »

What's so great about having sex with a pregnant chick?

Handjob same time

Emo EMAW · « **Reply #95 on:** June 03, 2014, 08:41:59 AM »

hatingfrancisco · « **Reply #96 on:** June 03, 2014, 09:02:26 AM »

Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?"

The old woman replies shyly, "Depends... ."

Bqqkie Pimp · « **Reply #97 on:** June 03, 2014, 09:10:53 AM »

A group of 3rd graders was given a "taste test" at school one day. Blindfolded, the first little girl gets an apple slice and say's "Mrs. Smith, that tastes like apple". The teacher says, "Very good, Mary. You may take your seat."

The second boy gets an orange wedge and says, "Mrs. Smith, that was orange". She says, "Very good, Robert. You may take your seat."

Next up is Johnny with Billy to follow. She unwraps a Hershey's kiss and gives it to Johnny. He eats and and says, "I'm not sure what that was, Mrs. Smith." The teacher, thinking that Johnny is just trying to get another piece of chocolate decides to give him a "hint" rather than more of the delicious candy... Mrs. Smith says, "I'll give you a hint, Johnny. It's something that your mommy gives your daddy every night when they go to bed."

Billy spins around and says, "Spit it out, Johnny!!! It's a piece of ass!!!"

SabiNation · « **Reply #98 on:** June 03, 2014, 09:24:59 AM »

Emo EMAW · « **Reply #99 on:** June 03, 2014, 10:01:45 AM »

So little Johnny is in class taking in a vocabulary lesson. One of the words is dictate, and the teacher asks Johnny to use it in a sentence. He says:

"My momma's always complainin' because she don't like the way my daddy's dictate."

Author Topic: CF3 judges your jokes on a scale of 0 to 5 tacos (Read 70308 times)

The Big Train