Planning weddings

[slobber]

Yeah WC, it will get real with the kids - paying for Catholic school, confirmation, etc.

Do you know how affordable catholic school is in Kansas City? No. You don't.

[420seriouscat69]

If my future BIL got me this I would tell him eff no (thanks but no thanks, depending on sobriety). If my future FIL got me this I would definitely have a talk with him about it, and my concerns, but would respect his wishes if it was really important. Fortunately for me, my in-laws are no more religious than me so that sort of thing isn't an issue. 

Wacky, scale of 1-7, how intimidated are you by her family? You are going to have to deal with them the rest of your life. If you let yourself get pushed around, it will only continue and become more expected.

It used to be a 6, but I'd say it's about a 3 now. I've always had this inner self conflict of pleasing people and avoiding confrontation IRL. Maybe that's why I like this board so much. I'm a ppl pleaser and it's hard for me to be a dick IRL. I guess I don't want to hurt their feelings. 

[420seriouscat69]

I talked with Ms. wacky last night and she's calling her dad to bitch about it today. I don't know what good that will do, but to be fair, right before her brother got married, everyone thought it was kinda strange how religious he was getting all of a sudden (obviously because of his wife). Like, even the parents thought it was a bit off.

Also, it's not that i'm not religious or anything. I'm just not catholic and I disagree with a lot of things with the catholic church. Being forced into something that i'm not a fan of, feels a bit awkward. I've been to so many catholic weddings with this fam and I got a death stare one time, because one of the family members finally found out I wasn't catholic, because I wasn't kneeling down and all that stuff. I thought it was pretty funny.

[420seriouscat69]

Like, that type of prejudgment is laughable to me. There's so much corruption inside some of these families (like every family), but you're rough ridin' judging me because i'm not kneeling down and doing some crazy hand gesture dance, to let god know i'm on his team?!

[OK_Cat]

You should probably man up, call the BIL, and give him a thanks but no thanks. They can probably get their money back.

If you start the marriage with boundaries and are honest and open with her family it will be a lot easier years from now.

[michigancat]

Are there still Catholics that actually care if their kids marry someone outside the church any more? They've evolved into a pretty laid back group, generally. Seems like you're being either overly sensitive or assigning them opinions based on your own insecurities.

[420seriouscat69]

You should probably man up, call the BIL, and give him a thanks but no thanks. They can probably get their money back.

If you start the marriage with boundaries and are honest and open with her family it will be a lot easier years from now.

Good advice.

Are there still Catholics that actually care if their kids marry someone outside the church any more? They've evolved into a pretty laid back group, generally. Seems like you're being either overly sensitive or assigning them opinions based on your own insecurities.

That's fair. Some do care about that stuff, but most of this family doesn't. They're all very laid back and kind and have done a lot of nice things for me. I guess it's just the powers atop this family that make me feel insecure. Where the roots come from. Yes, they're still old school in a lot of ways. I don't want to crap on them, so i'll just keep it at that.

[Mrs. Gooch]

I think that the B-I-L and his wife (maybe more so the wife) really thought that Wacky & Ms. Wacky would like this gift. But they really made a bad decision in scheduling this kind of thing for someone else and making the decision for them.

[420seriouscat69]

I think that the B-I-L and his wife (maybe more so the wife) really thought that Wacky & Ms. Wacky would like this gift. But they really made a bad decision in scheduling this kind of thing for someone else and making the decision for them.

I totally think this is it. We hang out with this couple a lot. We have a lot in common, minus religion. I know for a fact that the BIL likes me. If he didn't, he would have told me a long time ago. He has done that in the past with some of her former boyfriends.

[Dugout DickStone]

If they like you they don't want you to go to something that you didn't choose and wouldn't feel comfortable at.  I sure as hell wouldn't. 

HOWEVER, if you go you will need to provide pretty much a periscope of the entire weekend.

[michigancat]

Have we considered the possibility that Ms. Wacky might really want to go and this was her passive aggressive way of making it happen?

[OK_Cat]

I wonder if fanning has asked her

[Mrs. Gooch]

I think that the B-I-L and his wife (maybe more so the wife) really thought that Wacky & Ms. Wacky would like this gift. But they really made a bad decision in scheduling this kind of thing for someone else and making the decision for them.

I totally think this is it. We hang out with this couple a lot. We have a lot in common, minus religion. I know for a fact that the BIL likes me. If he didn't, he would have told me a long time ago. He has done that in the past with some of her former boyfriends.

So you can either suck it up and go (to not hurt their feelings) or tell them that you don't want to go (nicely). If you do go, make sure to still tell them that thing is not your cup of tea (while also saying something complimentary) so that they don't get you anything like that in the future.

[michigancat]

You should probably man up, call the BIL, and give him a thanks but no thanks. They can probably get their money back.

If you start the marriage with boundaries and are honest and open with her family it will be a lot easier years from now.

Good advice.

Are there still Catholics that actually care if their kids marry someone outside the church any more? They've evolved into a pretty laid back group, generally. Seems like you're being either overly sensitive or assigning them opinions based on your own insecurities.

That's fair. Some do care about that stuff, but most of this family doesn't. They're all very laid back and kind and have done a lot of nice things for me. I guess it's just the powers atop this family that make me feel insecure. Where the roots come from. Yes, they're still old school in a lot of ways. I don't want to crap on them, so i'll just keep it at that.

If you continue to treat them and Ms. Wacky with kindness and respect, they'll get over any religion hangups they may or may not have. Don't stress, just be a nice person and don't take "death stares" personally.

[Dugout DickStone]

The Catholic is very "interested" in your donations.  Make a very public donation with some zeroes and you will be a hero to all of them.  They never "death stare" a donor.

[420seriouscat69]

  I can guarantee you that Ms. wacky doesn't want to go to this, guys. This is the most honest relationship I've ever had. We've thrown everything out on the table. Downtown for 1 more year after the marriage, buy a house after that, travel, and kids 3 years after the marriage. There's a reason why i'm diving into this. This has been the most natural experience of my life.

[OK_Cat]

Lol @ fanning thinking he is going to go 4 years before kids.

Edit:  that's not a mean spirited laugh, more like a 'lol what a noob' laugh

[420seriouscat69]

Well 3, but yeah, I know it's wishful thinking.

[Mrs. Gooch]

Lol @ fanning thinking he is going to go 4 years before kids.

Edit:  that's not a mean spirited laugh, more like a 'lol what a noob' laugh

Why is this? Do you think that fanning doesn't know how to properly use birth control or Ms. Wacky is going to be baby fever as soon as they are married?

[420seriouscat69]

I'm sure it's the latter, but she promises to this day, that she's no where near ready. She's very anal about that stuff too.

[Mrs. Gooch]

I'm sure it's the latter, but she promises to this day, that she's no where near ready. She's very anal about that stuff too.

As long as you stick to anal she won't get pregnant.

[cfbandyman]

I can guarantee you that Ms. wacky doesn't want to go to this, guys. This is the most honest relationship I've ever had. We've thrown everything out on the table. Downtown for 1 more year after the marriage, buy a house after that, travel, and kids 3 years after the marriage. There's a reason why i'm diving into this. This has been the most natural experience of my life.

Sounds like a solid plan

[420seriouscat69]

I'm sure it's the latter, but she promises to this day, that she's no where near ready. She's very anal about that stuff too.

As long as you stick to anal she won't get pregnant.

I knew that was the wrong choice of words. 

[420seriouscat69]

I can guarantee you that Ms. wacky doesn't want to go to this, guys. This is the most honest relationship I've ever had. We've thrown everything out on the table. Downtown for 1 more year after the marriage, buy a house after that, travel, and kids 3 years after the marriage. There's a reason why i'm diving into this. This has been the most natural experience of my life.

Sounds like a solid plan

I think so. As we all know, life never turns out as we plan it, but you never know.

[star seed 7]

Lol @ fanning thinking he is going to go 4 years before kids.

Edit:  that's not a mean spirited laugh, more like a 'lol what a noob' laugh

Why is this? Do you think that fanning doesn't know how to properly use birth control or Ms. Wacky is going to be baby fever as soon as they are married?

She's going to be near 40 in 4 years (unless I'm mistaken), there is biology to think about