Oh, another good one:
Was a little league umpire one summer. Most of the coworkers hated it, but I loved it once I found that I had the power to have parents kicked out of the park during games. Kick a few out and everyone learns and shuts the F up. Work was always between 5 and 9, so you could still do whatevs you wanted at night and sleep in.
When I was in HS I would ref some soccer games. One time I was reffing a for a team coached by my dad's business partner. This kid hurt his arm and was on the field being a baby and was delaying the game for like 5 minutes:
Emo: Dave, it's the kid's arm. Walk him off the field and we can resume play.
Dave: Emo, my player is hurt! Let me attend to him!
Emo: Dave, it's his arm. He can walk off and you can look after him there, we have a game to play.
Dave: Damnit Emo, what are you going to do, throw me out?
Emo: That's exactly what I'm going to do Dave (then I pulled my red card). You can watch the game from the parking lot. Off you go.
He was speechless. My dad loved it too (this guy was a jackass).
