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General Discussion => Essentially Flyertalk => Topic started by: Ghost of Stan Parrish on August 04, 2010, 04:11:02 PM

Title: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Ghost of Stan Parrish on August 04, 2010, 04:11:02 PM
I haven't been to church/studied theology enough to know this.   :dunno:

Do you hang out with all the other good people you've known in your life?  Maybe spend your time guessing why those who went to Hell didn't make the cut (lifted a copy of MAD magazine back in 6th grade).  Also, since Heaven is Christian, are all those who lived in pre-Biblical times in Hell now (so no cavemen in Heaven)?  Do you spend your time intervening on behalf of those good people on Earth who need help?  Is that enough to fill your time for all eternity?

Yeah, this is vaguely jokey, but I really have a hard time imagining what this would be like.  I think I'd prefer reincarnation.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Kat Kid on August 04, 2010, 04:18:53 PM
I haven't been to church/studied theology enough to know this.   :dunno:

Do you hang out with all the other good people you've known in your life?  Maybe spend your time guessing why those who went to Hell didn't make the cut (lifted a copy of MAD magazine back in 6th grade).  Also, since Heaven is Christian, are all those who lived in pre-Biblical times in Hell now (so no cavemen in Heaven)?  Do you spend your time intervening on behalf of those good people on Earth who need help?  Is that enough to fill your time for all eternity?

Yeah, this is vaguely jokey, but I really have a hard time imagining what this would be like.  I think I'd prefer reincarnation.

Aren't you the ghost?
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: john "teach me how to" dougie on August 04, 2010, 04:21:04 PM
I haven't been to church/studied theology enough to know this.   :dunno:

Do you hang out with all the other good people you've known in your life?  Maybe spend your time guessing why those who went to Hell didn't make the cut (lifted a copy of MAD magazine back in 6th grade).  Also, since Heaven is Christian, are all those who lived in pre-Biblical times in Hell now (so no cavemen in Heaven)?  Do you spend your time intervening on behalf of those good people on Earth who need help?  Is that enough to fill your time for all eternity?

Yeah, this is vaguely jokey, but I really have a hard time imagining what this would be like.  I think I'd prefer reincarnation.

When the Muslim Monument to 9/11 is built, you can pop over and convert, then blow yourself up with a few infidels and hang with a bunch of virgins for eternity. :cheers:
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Pete on August 04, 2010, 04:22:44 PM
Really glad you asked this question....

First, you are going to hell because you obviously aren't a true believer in the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, so you don't need to worry about this.  However, I'll humor you and answer your question.

The answer is that Heaven is place full of cups runething over.  Most people wear angel galoshes as a result.  It's a horrible mess, really.  The good news is that you'll be so out-of-your-mind fracked up on the Holy Spirit that you won't even notice.  I'm talking smashed.  Like picture the most fracked up you have ever been, then multiply it by eleventy billion....REALLY frackED UP.

No one who isn't a true believer is allowed.  Fake Sugar Dick (WARNING, NOT THE REAL SUGAR DICK!) kids, aborted babies, cave men, old Chinese people who live in secluded villages, and Hitler all go to hell, not heaven.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: kstatefreak42 on August 04, 2010, 04:26:10 PM
and everybody gets a big ass house.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: CHONGS on August 04, 2010, 04:27:49 PM
go for pie heaven
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Kat Kid on August 04, 2010, 04:28:26 PM
A teacher who led a good life died and went to Heaven. An angel was assigned to take the teacher to her new home in the clouds. They passed an area with small homes and well manicured lawns and the people were outside having fun. The teacher asked if this is where she got to spend eternity, the angel said no that her home was in a better neighborhood, this area was reserved for lawyers. They came to an area with bigger, nicer homes, larger lawns and everyone was outside having fun. The teacher asked if this is where she got to spend eternity, the angel replied no, that this was the area for doctors. Finally they came to an area in Heaven with huge homes that were almost like castles, the lawns & gardens were gorgeous but there were no people around. The angel looked at the woman and told her that this is where she & eventually her family would get to spend eternity with all the other teachers. The woman was nervous and asked where all the other teachers were? The angel replied that it was an Inservice Day and all the teachers were in Hell for the next 24 hours, but would be back tomorrow.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: AlwaysEMAW on August 04, 2010, 04:38:08 PM
 :embarrassed:

i get the big mofo of a house though! :pbj:
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: bubbles4ksu on August 04, 2010, 11:38:01 PM
I haven't been to church/studied theology enough to know this.   :dunno:

Do you hang out with all the other good people you've known in your life?  Maybe spend your time guessing why those who went to Hell didn't make the cut (lifted a copy of MAD magazine back in 6th grade).  Also, since Heaven is Christian, are all those who lived in pre-Biblical times in Hell now (so no cavemen in Heaven)?  Do you spend your time intervening on behalf of those good people on Earth who need help?  Is that enough to fill your time for all eternity?

Yeah, this is vaguely jokey, but I really have a hard time imagining what this would be like.  I think I'd prefer reincarnation.

When the Muslim Monument to 9/11 is built, you can pop over and convert, then blow yourself up with a few infidels and hang with a bunch of virgins for eternity. :cheers:

no part of this post made sense.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: DQ12 on August 04, 2010, 11:44:05 PM
I think if I had 50 virgins at my disposal, I'd give them all sorts warped definitions of what sex was.  For example, I'd tell them that maybe baking me an apple pie was sex.  Stuff like that.  I feel like that would be a pretty funny joke to play.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Stevesie60 on August 05, 2010, 12:25:13 AM
It's pretty much Eden. God never destroyed Eden, but we'll be at peace with the animals and such.

Also, there's a present heaven and New Earth. The present heaven is where we chill for a while until Jesus comes back and dominates everyone on earth. Then we all come back here and God makes everything here good again (sorry, KU).
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: bubbles4ksu on August 05, 2010, 07:27:49 AM
+1 to playing tricks on those naïve virgins. :lol:
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Jeffy on August 05, 2010, 12:15:04 PM
I haven't been to church/studied theology enough to know this.   :dunno:

Do you hang out with all the other good people you've known in your life?  Maybe spend your time guessing why those who went to Hell didn't make the cut (lifted a copy of MAD magazine back in 6th grade).  Also, since Heaven is Christian, are all those who lived in pre-Biblical times in Hell now (so no cavemen in Heaven)?  Do you spend your time intervening on behalf of those good people on Earth who need help?  Is that enough to fill your time for all eternity?

Yeah, this is vaguely jokey, but I really have a hard time imagining what this would be like.  I think I'd prefer reincarnation.

When the Muslim Monument to 9/11 is built, you can pop over and convert, then blow yourself up with a few infidels and hang with a bunch of virgins for eternity. :cheers:

Does it mention if those virgins are male or female?
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: CHONGS on August 05, 2010, 12:21:47 PM
I haven't been to church/studied theology enough to know this.   :dunno:

Do you hang out with all the other good people you've known in your life?  Maybe spend your time guessing why those who went to Hell didn't make the cut (lifted a copy of MAD magazine back in 6th grade).  Also, since Heaven is Christian, are all those who lived in pre-Biblical times in Hell now (so no cavemen in Heaven)?  Do you spend your time intervening on behalf of those good people on Earth who need help?  Is that enough to fill your time for all eternity?

Yeah, this is vaguely jokey, but I really have a hard time imagining what this would be like.  I think I'd prefer reincarnation.

When the Muslim Monument to 9/11 is built, you can pop over and convert, then blow yourself up with a few infidels and hang with a bunch of virgins for eternity. :cheers:

Does it mention if those virgins are male or female?
It won't matter in heaven!
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: john "teach me how to" dougie on August 05, 2010, 02:22:57 PM
I haven't been to church/studied theology enough to know this.   :dunno:

Do you hang out with all the other good people you've known in your life?  Maybe spend your time guessing why those who went to Hell didn't make the cut (lifted a copy of MAD magazine back in 6th grade).  Also, since Heaven is Christian, are all those who lived in pre-Biblical times in Hell now (so no cavemen in Heaven)?  Do you spend your time intervening on behalf of those good people on Earth who need help?  Is that enough to fill your time for all eternity?

Yeah, this is vaguely jokey, but I really have a hard time imagining what this would be like.  I think I'd prefer reincarnation.

When the Muslim Monument to 9/11 is built, you can pop over and convert, then blow yourself up with a few infidels and hang with a bunch of virgins for eternity. :cheers:

Does it mention if those virgins are male or female?
It won't matter in heaven!
:lol:
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: DILLIGAF on August 05, 2010, 03:00:42 PM
Pitch black and there is nobody else there. 
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Brock Landers on August 05, 2010, 04:36:36 PM
I can't tell you what Heaven is like either.  I imagine it's pretty good, with lots of fluffy clouds and unicorns frolicking and other stuff.  My question is, do people in Heaven have access to other worlds like Dog Heaven, Girlfriend Heaven, Beer Heaven, etc.....  That would be neat.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Benja on August 05, 2010, 09:06:09 PM
Pitch black and there is nobody else there. 

this made me laugh
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: steve dave on August 05, 2010, 09:09:59 PM
I can assure you that none of you will ever know  :blank:
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Dugout DickStone on August 05, 2010, 09:28:04 PM
I'm curious about animals.  Like, a nice family pet everyone loves goes to heaven but like an ant that never saw a person in it's short life but was cool to all the other ants doesn't.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: steve dave on August 05, 2010, 09:29:47 PM
I'm curious about animals.  Like, a nice family pet everyone loves goes to heaven but like an ant that never saw a person in it's short life but was cool to all the other ants doesn't.

No, pitchforks and hot coals in the ass for them too
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: bubbles4ksu on August 05, 2010, 09:36:19 PM
I wish The Universe would start an OFFICIAL Heaven Thread for our questions. I'm really confused!
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: steve dave on August 05, 2010, 09:37:31 PM
I wish The Universe would start an OFFICIAL Heaven Thread for our questions. I'm really confused!

I think I can answer all of these.  It's red hot coals in the ass and firey pokers for you fwiw
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Dugout DickStone on August 05, 2010, 09:53:16 PM
I wish The Universe would start an OFFICIAL Heaven Thread for our questions. I'm really confused!

I think I can answer all of these.  It's red hot coals in the ass and firey pokers for you fwiw

but, Bible says God loves ALL his children?

Still worried about animals too
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: steve dave on August 05, 2010, 09:55:41 PM
I wish The Universe would start an OFFICIAL Heaven Thread for our questions. I'm really confused!

I think I can answer all of these.  It's red hot coals in the ass and firey pokers for you fwiw

but, Bible says God loves ALL his children?

Still worried about animals too

The bible also says that only about 300,000 people get into heaven total.  And they're all jews.  And none of them are animals iirc.  So, yeah, it's fiery pokers and red hot coals in the asses of everyone here.  It's the bible bro, you can't change it now.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: yoga-like_abana on August 05, 2010, 09:59:18 PM
anyone read lovely bones, yeah haha y-l_a is gay for reading lovely bones, get it out of your system jerks.

anyways I would prefer heaven to be as they describe it, a custom place for each person.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: KITNfury on August 05, 2010, 10:43:18 PM
anyone read lovely bones, yeah haha y-l_a is gay for reading lovely bones, get it out of your system jerks.

anyways I would prefer heaven to be as they describe it, a custom place for each person.
I agree. Strangely enough, my heaven would be similar to a suicide bombers jihadist's.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Benja on August 05, 2010, 10:47:45 PM
I feel like heaven will be like a combo of two of my favorite things; taking a real nice crap and blowjobs.

So I figure hey, God loves me right? I bet he could hook this up no problem. So there I'll be, up there just chillin' in heaven, riding around on my little cloud just straight gettin BJ's and takin' dumps all day long. Dumps and blowies forever and ever.

No wiping or spitters in heaven, bro's.  :pray:
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: stunz on August 06, 2010, 01:56:26 AM
I feel like heaven will be like a combo of two of my favorite things; taking a real nice crap and blowjobs.

So I figure hey, God loves me right? I bet he could hook this up no problem. So there I'll be, up there just chillin' in heaven, riding around on my little cloud just straight gettin BJ's and takin' dumps all day long. Dumps and blowies forever and ever.

No wiping or spitters in heaven, bro's.  :pray:

do you think angels would be down for anal action?
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Benja on August 06, 2010, 08:22:33 AM
I feel like heaven will be like a combo of two of my favorite things; taking a real nice crap and blowjobs.

So I figure hey, God loves me right? I bet he could hook this up no problem. So there I'll be, up there just chillin' in heaven, riding around on my little cloud just straight gettin BJ's and takin' dumps all day long. Dumps and blowies forever and ever.

No wiping or spitters in heaven, bro's.  :pray:

do you think angels would be down for anal action?

They love it stunz. LOVE it.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: PoetWarrior on August 06, 2010, 11:51:24 AM
The only thing you need to know, initially, about heaven and hell, is that they should be taken extremely seriously.

We are eternal. All of us.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: steve dave on August 06, 2010, 12:17:22 PM
The only thing you need to know, initially, about heaven and hell, is that they should be taken extremely seriously.

We are eternal. All of us.

It's a red hot poker and fiery coals in the ass for you too.  sorry. 
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Pete on August 06, 2010, 12:22:08 PM
The only thing you need to know, initially, about heaven and hell, is that they should be taken extremely seriously.

We are eternal. All of us.

It's a red hot poker and fiery coals in the ass for you too.  sorry. 

Martin Luther Steve is really on his high horse isn't he.   :jerk:  Hey Steve, shouldn't you be nailing your theses to a door someplace?
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: nicname on August 06, 2010, 01:14:08 PM
I think it's a lot like that katy perry video.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: AlwaysEMAW on August 06, 2010, 02:04:57 PM
The only thing you need to know, initially, about heaven and hell, is that they should be taken extremely seriously.

We are eternal. All of us.

It's a red hot poker and fiery coals in the ass for you too.  sorry. 
Hey Satan, can't wait til you're thrown back to hell forever. You've always been a real bad person
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Geezer on August 06, 2010, 08:03:42 PM
Will Sarah Palin be there?
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: ChiComCat on August 06, 2010, 08:26:40 PM
I wish The Universe would start an OFFICIAL Heaven Thread for our questions. I'm really confused!

I think I can answer all of these.  It's red hot coals in the ass and firey pokers for you fwiw

but, Bible says God loves ALL his children?

Still worried about animals too

The bible also says that only about 300,000 people get into heaven total.  And they're all jews.  And none of them are animals iirc.  So, yeah, it's fiery pokers and red hot coals in the asses of everyone here.  It's the bible bro, you can't change it now.

You kids have fun with the fire pokers.  I got an inside source that is getting me in.  Also, she said Heaven is sitting about 299,987 right now, so competition is pretty thick for the last 12 spots (actually 299,985 but Tannoudji and I are locked in for 2 of them  :gocho:)
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: TBL on August 06, 2010, 08:46:34 PM
John 14:6 Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Saulbadguy on August 06, 2010, 08:59:25 PM
John 14:6 Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.
lol
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: yoga-like_abana on August 06, 2010, 10:16:51 PM
Whos nervous about meeting St. Peter?
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: TBL on August 06, 2010, 10:23:15 PM
Whos nervous about meeting St. Peter?

Catholic myth.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Benja on August 07, 2010, 05:49:20 AM
Quote
Ezekiel 23:19-20:  "Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions."


Quote
Deuteronomy 25:11-12:  "If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity."


Quote
Deuteronomy 23:1:   "No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord."
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: steve dave on August 07, 2010, 10:47:42 AM
(https://goemaw.com/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.costumebox.com.au%2Fimages%2FP%2FDevil%2520pitchfork%2520-%2520Large%2520Halloween%2520Costume%2520Accessories.detail.jpg&hash=1c4fd21d0679067dc3e868664350fcb0559fe760)
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: bubbles4ksu on August 07, 2010, 02:33:58 PM
Can we talk about Hell here?

Are there levels of Hell? I hope so. I'm going to feel terrible if I'm next to Ghandi and my A-pounding is no worse than his. 
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Dr Rick Daris on August 07, 2010, 11:10:07 PM
Can we talk about Hell here?

Are there levels of Hell? I hope so. I'm going to feel terrible if I'm next to Ghandi and my A-pounding is no worse than his. 

yes, we can talk about it and it's full of nothing but amputees

http://whywontgodhealamputees.com/
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: TBL on August 08, 2010, 12:10:35 AM
Can we talk about Hell here?

Are there levels of Hell? I hope so. I'm going to feel terrible if I'm next to Ghandi and my A-pounding is no worse than his. 

yes, we can talk about it and it's full of nothing but amputees

http://whywontgodhealamputees.com/

Just ungrateful ones, RD, just ungrateful ones.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: bubbles4ksu on August 08, 2010, 12:18:56 AM
Can we talk about Hell here?

Are there levels of Hell? I hope so. I'm going to feel terrible if I'm next to Ghandi and my A-pounding is no worse than his. 

yes, we can talk about it and it's full of nothing but amputees

http://whywontgodhealamputees.com/

Just ungrateful ones, RD, just ungrateful ones.

I think Thin Blue Line is serious about this. TBL are u serious about Heaven and doing what is neccessary to get there?
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: CNS on August 08, 2010, 12:21:26 AM
Quote
Deuteronomy 23:1:   "No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord."
[/quote]

This one really makes me wonder.  Why does god care in I have my junk intact?  What plans does he have for it?

Really makes me think that many have the wrong idea of what goes on in there.

If you find yourself outside the gate and hear It's Raining Men, turn around slowly and quietly look for the other door.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Benja on August 08, 2010, 02:35:20 AM
Quote from: CNS Casey
If you find yourself outside the gate and hear It's Raining Men, turn around slowly and quietly look for the other door.


http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/826914/

:fatty:


Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: TBL on August 08, 2010, 08:37:09 PM
Can we talk about Hell here?

Are there levels of Hell? I hope so. I'm going to feel terrible if I'm next to Ghandi and my A-pounding is no worse than his. 

yes, we can talk about it and it's full of nothing but amputees

http://whywontgodhealamputees.com/

Just ungrateful ones, RD, just ungrateful ones.

I think Thin Blue Line is serious about this. TBL are u serious about Heaven and doing what is neccessary to get there?


Already did the asking several years ago. Everything else is just trying to live up to it.
Title: Re: What is Heaven like?
Post by: Dugout DickStone on August 08, 2010, 10:00:55 PM
If Bryan Adams is right then I should be fine.