What is Heaven like?

[Ghost of Stan Parrish]

I haven't been to church/studied theology enough to know this.   

Do you hang out with all the other good people you've known in your life?  Maybe spend your time guessing why those who went to Hell didn't make the cut (lifted a copy of MAD magazine back in 6th grade).  Also, since Heaven is Christian, are all those who lived in pre-Biblical times in Hell now (so no cavemen in Heaven)?  Do you spend your time intervening on behalf of those good people on Earth who need help?  Is that enough to fill your time for all eternity?

Yeah, this is vaguely jokey, but I really have a hard time imagining what this would be like.  I think I'd prefer reincarnation.

[Kat Kid]

I haven't been to church/studied theology enough to know this.   

Do you hang out with all the other good people you've known in your life?  Maybe spend your time guessing why those who went to Hell didn't make the cut (lifted a copy of MAD magazine back in 6th grade).  Also, since Heaven is Christian, are all those who lived in pre-Biblical times in Hell now (so no cavemen in Heaven)?  Do you spend your time intervening on behalf of those good people on Earth who need help?  Is that enough to fill your time for all eternity?

Yeah, this is vaguely jokey, but I really have a hard time imagining what this would be like.  I think I'd prefer reincarnation.

Aren't you the ghost?

[john "teach me how to" dougie]

I haven't been to church/studied theology enough to know this.   

Do you hang out with all the other good people you've known in your life?  Maybe spend your time guessing why those who went to Hell didn't make the cut (lifted a copy of MAD magazine back in 6th grade).  Also, since Heaven is Christian, are all those who lived in pre-Biblical times in Hell now (so no cavemen in Heaven)?  Do you spend your time intervening on behalf of those good people on Earth who need help?  Is that enough to fill your time for all eternity?

Yeah, this is vaguely jokey, but I really have a hard time imagining what this would be like.  I think I'd prefer reincarnation.

When the Muslim Monument to 9/11 is built, you can pop over and convert, then blow yourself up with a few infidels and hang with a bunch of virgins for eternity.

[Pete]

Really glad you asked this question....

First, you are going to hell because you obviously aren't a true believer in the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, so you don't need to worry about this.  However, I'll humor you and answer your question.

The answer is that Heaven is place full of cups runething over.  Most people wear angel galoshes as a result.  It's a horrible mess, really.  The good news is that you'll be so out-of-your-mind fracked up on the Holy Spirit that you won't even notice.  I'm talking smashed.  Like picture the most fracked up you have ever been, then multiply it by eleventy billion....REALLY frackED UP.

No one who isn't a true believer is allowed.  Fake Sugar Dick (WARNING, NOT THE REAL SUGAR DICK!) kids, aborted babies, cave men, old Chinese people who live in secluded villages, and Hitler all go to hell, not heaven.

[kstatefreak42]

and everybody gets a big ass house.

[CHONGS]

go for pie heaven

[Kat Kid]

A teacher who led a good life died and went to Heaven. An angel was assigned to take the teacher to her new home in the clouds. They passed an area with small homes and well manicured lawns and the people were outside having fun. The teacher asked if this is where she got to spend eternity, the angel said no that her home was in a better neighborhood, this area was reserved for lawyers. They came to an area with bigger, nicer homes, larger lawns and everyone was outside having fun. The teacher asked if this is where she got to spend eternity, the angel replied no, that this was the area for doctors. Finally they came to an area in Heaven with huge homes that were almost like castles, the lawns & gardens were gorgeous but there were no people around. The angel looked at the woman and told her that this is where she & eventually her family would get to spend eternity with all the other teachers. The woman was nervous and asked where all the other teachers were? The angel replied that it was an Inservice Day and all the teachers were in Hell for the next 24 hours, but would be back tomorrow.

[AlwaysEMAW]

 

i get the big mofo of a house though!

[bubbles4ksu]

I haven't been to church/studied theology enough to know this.   

Do you hang out with all the other good people you've known in your life?  Maybe spend your time guessing why those who went to Hell didn't make the cut (lifted a copy of MAD magazine back in 6th grade).  Also, since Heaven is Christian, are all those who lived in pre-Biblical times in Hell now (so no cavemen in Heaven)?  Do you spend your time intervening on behalf of those good people on Earth who need help?  Is that enough to fill your time for all eternity?

Yeah, this is vaguely jokey, but I really have a hard time imagining what this would be like.  I think I'd prefer reincarnation.

When the Muslim Monument to 9/11 is built, you can pop over and convert, then blow yourself up with a few infidels and hang with a bunch of virgins for eternity.

no part of this post made sense.

[DQ12]

I think if I had 50 virgins at my disposal, I'd give them all sorts warped definitions of what sex was.  For example, I'd tell them that maybe baking me an apple pie was sex.  Stuff like that.  I feel like that would be a pretty funny joke to play.

[Stevesie60]

It's pretty much Eden. God never destroyed Eden, but we'll be at peace with the animals and such.

Also, there's a present heaven and New Earth. The present heaven is where we chill for a while until Jesus comes back and dominates everyone on earth. Then we all come back here and God makes everything here good again (sorry, KU).

[bubbles4ksu]

+1 to playing tricks on those naïve virgins.

[Jeffy]

I haven't been to church/studied theology enough to know this.   

Do you hang out with all the other good people you've known in your life?  Maybe spend your time guessing why those who went to Hell didn't make the cut (lifted a copy of MAD magazine back in 6th grade).  Also, since Heaven is Christian, are all those who lived in pre-Biblical times in Hell now (so no cavemen in Heaven)?  Do you spend your time intervening on behalf of those good people on Earth who need help?  Is that enough to fill your time for all eternity?

Yeah, this is vaguely jokey, but I really have a hard time imagining what this would be like.  I think I'd prefer reincarnation.

When the Muslim Monument to 9/11 is built, you can pop over and convert, then blow yourself up with a few infidels and hang with a bunch of virgins for eternity.

Does it mention if those virgins are male or female?

[CHONGS]

I haven't been to church/studied theology enough to know this.   

Do you hang out with all the other good people you've known in your life?  Maybe spend your time guessing why those who went to Hell didn't make the cut (lifted a copy of MAD magazine back in 6th grade).  Also, since Heaven is Christian, are all those who lived in pre-Biblical times in Hell now (so no cavemen in Heaven)?  Do you spend your time intervening on behalf of those good people on Earth who need help?  Is that enough to fill your time for all eternity?

Yeah, this is vaguely jokey, but I really have a hard time imagining what this would be like.  I think I'd prefer reincarnation.

When the Muslim Monument to 9/11 is built, you can pop over and convert, then blow yourself up with a few infidels and hang with a bunch of virgins for eternity.

Does it mention if those virgins are male or female?

It won't matter in heaven!

[john "teach me how to" dougie]

I haven't been to church/studied theology enough to know this.   

Do you hang out with all the other good people you've known in your life?  Maybe spend your time guessing why those who went to Hell didn't make the cut (lifted a copy of MAD magazine back in 6th grade).  Also, since Heaven is Christian, are all those who lived in pre-Biblical times in Hell now (so no cavemen in Heaven)?  Do you spend your time intervening on behalf of those good people on Earth who need help?  Is that enough to fill your time for all eternity?

Yeah, this is vaguely jokey, but I really have a hard time imagining what this would be like.  I think I'd prefer reincarnation.

When the Muslim Monument to 9/11 is built, you can pop over and convert, then blow yourself up with a few infidels and hang with a bunch of virgins for eternity.

Does it mention if those virgins are male or female?

It won't matter in heaven!

[DILLIGAF]

Pitch black and there is nobody else there. 

[Brock Landers]

I can't tell you what Heaven is like either.  I imagine it's pretty good, with lots of fluffy clouds and unicorns frolicking and other stuff.  My question is, do people in Heaven have access to other worlds like Dog Heaven, Girlfriend Heaven, Beer Heaven, etc.....  That would be neat.

[Benja]

Pitch black and there is nobody else there. 

this made me laugh

[steve dave]

I can assure you that none of you will ever know  

[Dugout DickStone]

I'm curious about animals.  Like, a nice family pet everyone loves goes to heaven but like an ant that never saw a person in it's short life but was cool to all the other ants doesn't.

[steve dave]

I'm curious about animals.  Like, a nice family pet everyone loves goes to heaven but like an ant that never saw a person in it's short life but was cool to all the other ants doesn't.

No, pitchforks and hot coals in the ass for them too

[bubbles4ksu]

I wish The Universe would start an OFFICIAL Heaven Thread for our questions. I'm really confused!

[steve dave]

I wish The Universe would start an OFFICIAL Heaven Thread for our questions. I'm really confused!

I think I can answer all of these.  It's red hot coals in the ass and firey pokers for you fwiw

[Dugout DickStone]

I wish The Universe would start an OFFICIAL Heaven Thread for our questions. I'm really confused!

I think I can answer all of these.  It's red hot coals in the ass and firey pokers for you fwiw

but, Bible says God loves ALL his children?

Still worried about animals too

[steve dave]

I wish The Universe would start an OFFICIAL Heaven Thread for our questions. I'm really confused!

I think I can answer all of these.  It's red hot coals in the ass and firey pokers for you fwiw

but, Bible says God loves ALL his children?

Still worried about animals too

The bible also says that only about 300,000 people get into heaven total.  And they're all jews.  And none of them are animals iirc.  So, yeah, it's fiery pokers and red hot coals in the asses of everyone here.  It's the bible bro, you can't change it now.