Not really a quote from a professor, but during my natural disasters final 4ish years ago in Umberger a freshmen exploded when he realized he was going to fail the final, and the class.
frack THIS CLASS! AND frack YOU, MR (forgot profs name)! YOU NEED A frackING HAIRCUT!
He slammed his desk, and stomped out. The other 300 of us were laughing our asses off, and telling our prof how gorgeous his hair was.
There was also a time when some weird frat guys came in and stomped through that lecture hall in dresses during the final, serenading their new pledges. Yes, dresses. They weren't in the class, just felt like weirding everyone out I guess.