this whole thread is making me lol, but seriously, wtf is the deal when you're with a girl... nearing the goal line of the hook up and your torso suddenly develops a psi of about three million.
i literally had to get up and walk around awkwardly once, acting like i was "really thirsty" (come on, it was the best i could think of at the time). so i went to the sink, got some water, walked around. started sweating, had the chills, did the buttcheek squeeze dance (but kept it subtle), you know how it goes.... eventually i got the courage to go to the bathroom, but didn't have the balls to drop the epic sh*t that i had coming... it could have ruined everything i had worked so hard for. so i just took a piss, hoping that it would somehow help the pressure inside of me.
and then come the stomach growls. there was a fracking animal living inside of me, and i had to play it off somehow by saying that i was hungry. although these weren't "my stomach's empty" growls, these were absolute "storm's a brewin" growls. and they didn't stop. i deserve a nobel prize for playing this kind of thing off.
in summation, this particular episode didn't end in disaster, but it didn't exactly end with a touchdown. i now try to alleviate the bowels thoroughly before putting myself into any situation that might end like this.