I lived in Baton Rouge for three years, you guys. I got this.
1. Aside from maaaybe Spanish Town, that city is known as Topeka Without All The Excitement. Which says a ton. I have also heard it called Topeka Without All The Charm (also lol), and best of all, a professor I had in grad school called it The City That Never Wakes.
2. The amount of time you spend in traffic there is insane, and also is inversely proportional to how many cool things there are to do in that city that even make it worth sitting in that traffic.
3. Northgate is absolutely booty as a bar/shopping district. “Yeah, but The Chimes!” Uhhhh okay, how is Aggieville sweeter than its Baton Rouge equivalent when Baton Rouge literally has 20 times the population? “Yeah, but go to Tigerland instead and go to Fred’s!” Ummm, you mean the bar that basically roofies you the second you walk in? Yeah I’ll pass.
4. Can confirm the most attractive coeds on campus are the nutria that roam around LSU Lakes.
5. The whole city is segregated and racist as hell. They like to think of themselves as one big city, but really it’s just like 70% of it is an extension of Denham Springs white trash, and the other 30% is North Baton Rouge, which the racists that inhabit this place would never ever set foot in. Like these fools have no idea how sweet Shenanigan’s is, because they are all 100% racist. I could upload some screenshots of FB posts I have from people I worked with when I live there, but this is a family blog.
6. “You know what’s great? The stars and bars! You know what’s wven better? Making the stars and bars have LSU colors and then flying it in my goddamn living room!”
I need to take a break. I’m getting too worked up that we have to play yet another team feom a goddamn slave state. More later when I cool my jets a bit.
