Awkward Situations caused by Yourself

[Spracne]

Ordered a drink last night, server did the old, "My name is blah blah, just holler if you need anything." I said, "thanks, blah blah."  He then apparently made to shake my hand, but my head was turned.  I saw a look of horror on my gf's face, and when he lowered his hand and walked away, she filled me in on my crime. Embarrassing, but probably even more embarrassing for himself.

[Mr Bread]

How many drinks and/or food items did you order?  I'd like to set the over/under on the number of times he licked, spit in or slurped your stuff.

[Spracne]

How many drinks and/or food items did you order?  I'd like to set the over/under on the number of times he licked, spit in or slurped your stuff.

No food items, I think like 4 drinks, but fortunately they have runners who deliver all the stuff, so he would have had to really go out of his way to intercept my drinks.  It was an honest miscue.  No malice.

[Mr Bread]

Maybe he just went all in and gave you the tip once and was done with it. 

[Mr Bread]

Or ran his finger around the rim of his bad person and then around the rim of your glass. 

[star seed 7]

Never had a server try to shake my hand

[Kat Kid]

Never had a server try to shake my hand

how many hugs have you exchanged with servers?  I bet tons.

[star seed 7]

 

[Spracne]

Never had a server try to shake my hand

I certainly wasn't expecting it...

[sys]

that server should be fired.

[Spracne]

that server should be fired.

You cannot fire a dead man...

[Emo EMAW]

One time a good buddy called me from out of blue and tells me he's coming through KC and would like to hang out and crash at my place if possible.  Kinda sudden but ya man come on!  So he gets here and we're talking in my driveway...

Emo:  So what brings you through KC?
Guy:  Well I had to go pick up a car in Virginia.
Emo:  Oh ya, you bought a car huh?
Guy:  No, it's my dad's, I'm taking it back home to sell it.
Emo:  What he can't sell it himself?
Guy:  Well he just died.
...................
Emo:  Oh, eff, I'm sorry man................
Emo:  So, he was sick or something?
Guy:  No.
Emo:  Oh, uh, dang.  Accident?
Guy:  He killed himself.
...................................
Emo:  Jesus.  I'm sorry man.  That's not something that anyone should have to go through.
Guy:  Ya, my brother killed himself, too.
Emo:  Dang.

Holy crap Emo. You hit the trifecta. Do you still talk to that dude?


Gonna win 'em all!

Ya, occasionally.  I actually meant to email him this weekend and I forgot, so I guess I'll do that right now!

[Shooter Jones]

One time a good buddy called me from out of blue and tells me he's coming through KC and would like to hang out and crash at my place if possible.  Kinda sudden but ya man come on!  So he gets here and we're talking in my driveway...

Emo:  So what brings you through KC?
Guy:  Well I had to go pick up a car in Virginia.
Emo:  Oh ya, you bought a car huh?
Guy:  No, it's my dad's, I'm taking it back home to sell it.
Emo:  What he can't sell it himself?
Guy:  Well he just died.
...................
Emo:  Oh, eff, I'm sorry man................
Emo:  So, he was sick or something?
Guy:  No.
Emo:  Oh, uh, dang.  Accident?
Guy:  He killed himself.
...................................
Emo:  Jesus.  I'm sorry man.  That's not something that anyone should have to go through.
Guy:  Ya, my brother killed himself, too.
Emo:  Dang.

Holy crap Emo. You hit the trifecta. Do you still talk to that dude?


Gonna win 'em all!

Ya, occasionally.  I actually meant to email him this weekend and I forgot, so I guess I'll do that right now!

skip the parts about asking how his family is doing.

[Mr Bread]

I never ask anyone how they are doing or more specifically how their family is doing.  I do not actually care in the vast majority of situations and also what if things are terrible for them and then there we are.  I also tell everyone generic dumbfuck that asks me how I'm doing or extensions thereof fine or normal or medium, because they also do not care and I do not want to discuss it good or bad. 

[pissclams]

I never ask anyone how they are doing or more specifically how their family is doing.  I do not actually care in the vast majority of situations and also what if things are terrible for them and then there we are.  I also tell everyone generic dumbfuck that asks me how I'm doing or extensions thereof fine or normal or medium, because they also do not care and I do not want to discuss it good or bad. 

if you want to class up your response, try using the french term, comme ci comme ça, when asked how things are going.

a) sets your response apart from your peers.  did mr.bread just return from a weekend junket in paris?
b) adds a classy french note to your conversation.  pm me for more details
c) makes people proud that you talked to them in french.  "hey cindy, did i tell you how mr.bread responded to me earlier?  IN FRENCH!"

[Mr Bread]

Sometimes if people ask me how I'm doing I repeat the question two times stressing different words each time and then I scream zut alors in their fat rough ridin' faces and say that's how I'm doing.  Class.  #swancityoverdrive

[pissclams]

i forgot to mention that it's important to think about your response before answering in french.  adds a signature "i care about this response" feel to the encounter.  make your face look like you're doing a robert deniro impression and wave your so-so hand.

if i were to ask you, "how are you doing bread?" and you quickly snapped out an "ah bien et tu?" i would know you're full of crap and just handing out canned responses.  i would then think less of you, because who does that?

[Mr Bread]

I put my hands on my hips then take a deep nose breath inhale and then slowly look down at my shoes as I exhale through my mouth and then I raise my head up lips pursed and gently shake my head side to side and then chuckle slightly.  Then I answer. 

It gives the response the kind of gravity that makes the listener feel like they are being dragged to the ground.  I do that and you will be sitting on your duff accepting my words.  So deliberate, so considered you feel it in your body parts as a seemingly cosmic inner tugging.

Oh hey, is that Bread getting asked a question by clams?  Looks like he's really thinking about that answer.  Is clams sitting down on the ground Indian style?  Wow!

[pissclams]

that's a very intense approach you've adopted.  kudos.  i might borrow parts of it*. 

*stay tuned

[Kat Kid]

I engage in conversation with others only so long as it provides me with actionable intelligence.

[puniraptor]

usually people ask me "whats up?" to which i would normally say "not much" but I began to get worried when people asked me this at work they might think i was really up to not much so i changed my response to "just gettin' stuff done"

[Mrs. Gooch]

usually people ask me "whats up?" to which i would normally say "not much" but I began to get worried when people asked me this at work they might think i was really up to not much so i changed my response to "just gettin' stuff done"

Yeah, I never know how to respond to "What's up?"

[XocolateThundarr]

usually people ask me "whats up?" to which i would normally say "not much" but I began to get worried when people asked me this at work they might think i was really up to not much so i changed my response to "just gettin' stuff done"

Yeah, I never know how to respond to "What's up?"

I usually respond with, "Just livin the dream, man.  Livin the dream.".

[puniraptor]

sometimes i say "just doin' my thing" or "Just Doin' It"

[Mr Bread]

"What do you know?" people are just the best kind of people.