this is a thread for mind-bottling customer interactions

[AST]

customer - mr tramp, can you come look at the pool heater you installed, i think something is wrong


me - why is that


customer - we turned it on last night to heat the pool and it started smoking and now this morning there is smoke coming from the heater and pool


me - that is steam, that happens when you have a 200 degree heater box, an 80 degree pool and 20 degree air temperature


customer - if you could just come out and take a look because something is wrong and we don't want to swim until it gets fixed


me - no problem, i'll be by shortly and that will be $75 for 1 minute of diagnostics


 

p.s. i know it is not bottling

[Tobias]

paging @KSUBrian

[8manpick]

That is fantastic

[cDubya]

I really would have enjoyed the ensuing  that would undoubtedly have occured without your disclaimer at the bottom!

[Brock Landers]

Hey it's dumbasses like them that you can make some good money off of.

I have a similar story involving cold weather and morons.  Years ago as a young EMAW'r I worked at Dillons (Eastside Super Dillons holla) and sometimes would have to do something random like inflate a helium balloon over in the Floral department later in the evening after the regular Floral chicks had left for the day.  Whenever I would do this in cold weather the customer would come back to the store a couiple of minutes later and this would happen:

Customer:  Hey man this balloon has a leak in it, get me another one and test it out this time.

Me:  Oh haha that's fine, it's cold outside.

Customer:  Blank stare

Me:  Remember chemistry class in high school? Gasses such as helium will do this in cold weather.

Customer:  Blanker stare

Me:  Trust me.  I promise your balloon will go back to normal once you get it inside

[AST]

I really would have enjoyed the ensuing  that would undoubtedly have occured without your disclaimer at the bottom!

oh man I ALMOST HAD YOU and now the bait is spoiled for everyone

[420seriouscat69]

Me- "Hi this is wackycat w/ ....... I saw you had requested some information to futher your education, What has you looking into school?"

Customer- "Go EFF yourself you rough ridin' loser and never call back again!!! :click:"

Me- "Sounds good. Have a nice day!"

 

EVERY DAY. ALL DAY!

[AST]

  these are great guys keep them coming

[ShellShock]

In my younger years, I worked at a steak restaurant and had a guy say that he wanted his french fries cooked without throwing them into the "nasty fryer that is a germ pool". Keep in mind that at this place we emptied fryers every other night and the kitchen was actually extremely clean, so I immediately took offense. I then invited him back to the kitchen to have him show me how to do that and he immediately followed saying that "he'll show me". The look on his face (and mine for that matter) when he finally realized how french fries are cooked was priceless. He couldn't have shoved his foot in his mouth any further if he tried.

[mocat]

this pretty much sums up every conversation i have

architect: are those columns structural?

me: well, they're columns, so, yes

architect: can we demo them?

me: 

[The Tonya Harding of Twitter Users Creep]

this pretty much sums up every conversation i have

architect: are those columns structural?

me: well, they're columns, so, yes

architect: can we demo them?

me: 

oh man mocat have I got a great demo column story for you.

an HVAC company installed their stuff in an office building in Atlanta this summer but they really liked the spot where a massive column was so they just took the column out. then the floor collapsed and they were all "wtf floor. whats your deal?! "

[mocat]

good grief

[Mrs. Gooch]

In my younger years, I worked at a steak restaurant and had a guy say that he wanted his french fries cooked without throwing them into the "nasty fryer that is a germ pool". Keep in mind that at this place we emptied fryers every other night and the kitchen was actually extremely clean, so I immediately took offense. I then invited him back to the kitchen to have him show me how to do that and he immediately followed saying that "he'll show me". The look on his face (and mine for that matter) when he finally realized how french fries are cooked was priceless. He couldn't have shoved his foot in his mouth any further if he tried.

How did he think they were cooked?

[ShellShock]

In my younger years, I worked at a steak restaurant and had a guy say that he wanted his french fries cooked without throwing them into the "nasty fryer that is a germ pool". Keep in mind that at this place we emptied fryers every other night and the kitchen was actually extremely clean, so I immediately took offense. I then invited him back to the kitchen to have him show me how to do that and he immediately followed saying that "he'll show me". The look on his face (and mine for that matter) when he finally realized how french fries are cooked was priceless. He couldn't have shoved his foot in his mouth any further if he tried.

How did he think they were cooked?

A combination of baked and grilled I guess? 

This guy was a real piece of work...in the end, I just threw them in the fryer right in front of him and he just ate them and didn't complain.

[DQ12]

TelaFlora is the absolute worst.  If you want flowers delivered, do not use them.  I had an existential crisis dealing with them last Valentine's Day.  It was so bad that I made a formal complaint to the Better Business Bureau and requested a handwritten apology.

[AST]

TelaFlora is the absolute worst.  If you want flowers delivered, do not use them.  I had an existential crisis dealing with them last Valentine's Day.  It was so bad that I made a formal complaint to the Better Business Bureau and requested a handwritten apology.

you are doing this so wrong

[Trim]

mind-bottling

[puniraptor]

AST, are you sure you didn't convert that guys pool thingie into a meat smoker by accident?

[Brock Landers]

AST, are you sure you didn't convert that guys pool thingie into a meat smoker by accident?

Ha I actually thought of an enormous fondue pot when I first read it.

[AST]

AST, are you sure you didn't convert that guys pool thingie into a meat smoker by accident?

i like where your head is at

[Institutional Control]

AST, are you sure you didn't convert that guys pool thingie into a meat smoker by accident?

i like where your head is at

That's what she said.

[Shooter Jones]

Witnessed this exchange a few weeks ago:

Downtown Denver, Wednesday night, a bar does 25 cent wings that actually used to be 15 cents (have to order in increments of 10). So I mean, they're cheap wings, don't expect something amazing, but they're ok. Good for a few beers with the bros for sure.

Two dudes walk in hammered, one around 40-45 yo, the other 25-30. You can tell they are co-workers and the older guy is the mediocre employee that made it to the pinnacle of their career and the younger guy wants to be the older guy in 15 years. They're yelling their convo at each other, the older guy keeps asking the younger guy if some "bitches" are gonna meet up with them or what. Just the worst. Then they order the wings. When they arrive, the older guy eats one and flips out saying it tastes like "beef jerky", he starts demanding his money back ($2.50) or saying they should serve him their chicken tender app. (around $9) on the house. He yells as the bartender walks away, "and you didn't even chill my last shot of Jameson."

After all gets settled, (he got the chicken tenders, btw, no idea what all he paid for or not), and he orders another "chilled shot of Jameson," he starts telling the younger guy this is a learning experience and says, "I know what I want, and I get what I want, you should strive to do the same. Now where are those chicks?"

Was painful to be around.

[EMAWmeister]

I worked at the Kansas City Nut Company in the Oak Park Mall in high school. Every customer interaction was full of HUR HUR HURing on their end. 

"I want your fresh roasted chocolate nuts in my mouth   "

"Sir you're like 40 and have your two young children with you"

[DQ12]

TelaFlora is the absolute worst.  If you want flowers delivered, do not use them.  I had an existential crisis dealing with them last Valentine's Day.  It was so bad that I made a formal complaint to the Better Business Bureau and requested a handwritten apology.

you are doing this so wrong

Explain.

[lopakman]

http://consumerist.com/2006/06/13/the-best-thing-we-have-ever-posted-reader-tries-to-cancel-aol/