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On the first season of Real World (I see you, Julie), they all had very separate existences. Andre would leave the house for a week, Heather had a beeper, and Eric Nies would go on dates with models. It was nice to see them with, ya know, lives. Then in San Francisco they took the TV away. Then they started confiscating cell phones. Finally, there was only one computer and one phone in the house. Well, this season they took it a step further. They're on their own private rough ridin' island. Want to go to the store? Get on a boat. Want to hit the bar? Get on a boat. Want to see another human that you don’t live with? Get on a boat. You know how when a friend asks you if you would hook up with someone and you say, “Only if we were stuck on an island”? THESE PEOPLE DON’T EVEN HAVE THAT EXCUSE. So it was that Trey and Laura spent this entire week making out (3 x 5 = 15 points) even though Trey says, “Laura isn’t typically the kind of girl I would go for back home. The tomboy thing is new to me."They are basically semi-consensually breeding these people the way horse farmers do.
Might be the worst season, ever!
"Uh, did you have sex with people, like, because you think I was having sex with people?""Lol, yeah.":smashheadwithphone:
Blond: "If I ever get really drunk and try to have sex with you, don't have sex with me!" Red head "aka" Rob: "I have too much respect for you to try and do that. Blond: "Ok, thank you!"
What on earth?That blonde's got a gut.
Quote from: Trim on July 18, 2012, 09:20:58 PMWhat on earth?That blonde's got a gut.Shocker! Please read fanning's previous breakdown of episode 1. " MTV, this is the hottest blond you could find?"
Swifty (Real World, House) 14 points: The first scene of this episode is Marie the International Beer Smuggler and LaToya discovering a dead barracuda washed up on their private island’s shore, and the last scene of the episode is the same dead barracuda washed up on their private island’s shore. This Real World cast is so boring A DEAD BARRACUDA STOLE THE SHOW. As a matter of fact, this week’s GRTFL Top Five is the Top Five Reasons That the Dead Barracuda Is More Interesting Than the Cast of the Real World, listed from “that seems like a stretch” to “he has a point there, that dead barracuda should probably have a spin-off”:5) The dead barracuda never misrepresented what neighborhood it came from.4) You can’t turn the current cast into “barracuda nuggets.”3) The current cast doesn’t have a kick-ass, American-flag-themed bumper sticker.2) The dead barracuda is less likely to have communicable diseases.1) Unlike, 29 percent of the cast, the dead barracuda doesn’t have a tattoo that says "hakuna matata."Since not a single thing happened in this episode that wasn’t dead-barracuda-related, I guess I'll tell you the Saga of the Dead Barracuda. Marie and LaToya found the thing on the beach and put it in the Rob With Two Bs and Swifty’s shower, because having dead bodies where you bathe is hilarious. Then, fearing dead-barracuda-related retaliation, they decided to put it back in the sea. Swifty attempted to retrieve the dead barracuda; LaToya tried to stop him with a kayak paddle; Swifty stepped on a sea urchin and then yelled at LaToya (5 points) like a crazy person. Just to give you an idea of the caliber of human beings that we are dealing with here, remedies that were suggested for Swifty’s sea urchin ailments were “drink a bottle of rum” and “have someone piss on it.” I swear when they recommended pissing on his foot the dead barracuda giggled, rolled its eyes, and said, “This is the dumbest, worst-looking cast they’ve ever had.” No one pissed on Swifty’s foot, but he totally drank the entire bottle of rum anyway (9 points). Now inslopsicated, Swifty heads to the hospital, where the doctor tells him to “walk it off.” On the way out of the hospital, they hit him up for $170, he realizes that he forgot his insurance card, and he does the drunken “I got this, dog” thing that drunken people love to do, explaining, “Can I say something? I studied this. I actually studied this. I specialized this. Let me handle my business like a man. I handle my business.”
There are few things in life more fun than the “let me handle this” drunken guy. In his defense, though, why is medical care the only industry in modern society where they provide the service or good before telling you how much it costs? Can someone explain this to me? When you go to a clothing store, a barbershop, a restaurant, anywhere where goods and services are sold, they list the prices right alongside what they provide. Why is that not the case at the hospital? How many times have you gone to the hospital, left, and then been mailed some insane bill two weeks later? I hope the president reads this column, says to himself, “This guy has a point,” and calls me for advice on how to change the medical care industry. Without hesitating, I will exclaim, “I studied this. I actually studied this. I specialized in this. Let me handle my business like a man. I handle my business.”
You're gonna have to starts skipping out early, fanning. You've missed them getting hamburgers and the black girl loading hers up with mayo. Because she loves mayo.
