Author Topic: Small town stories thread (Read 4560 times)

Emo EMAW · « **on:** May 23, 2012, 09:46:34 PM »

Love small towns, too. Love the "anyone know a good plumber in Pratt?" kinda stuff. All of that. Anyway, I really really really love small town stories. So I thought I'd share one I recently heard and hope that you guys would share yours. Well here goes.

So a friend of Mrs. Emo EMAW was walking their toy dog down the street of a small town. A rogue German shepard rushed in and grabbed the dog and snapped it's neck and killed it. So a relative of the girl threatened to get a gun and shoot the dog. Then he spent the night in a lawn chair in front of the shepard's owners' house, like in the sidewalk or something. All night. The next morning a relative of the lawn chair sleeper who's also a judge in town, called him and told him to go home. Now they have a restraining order against him.

Where else does crap like this happen? Only small towns right?

kim carnes · « **Reply #1 on:** May 23, 2012, 09:49:52 PM »

No. Not really

DQ12 · « **Reply #2 on:** May 23, 2012, 09:52:55 PM »

There's this dude in MHK named Robert. Anyways goes to every sporting event.

Guy is nuts.

wetwillie · « **Reply #3 on:** May 23, 2012, 10:06:33 PM »

That story is made the eff up because everyone knows that redneck bitch would have whipped out her .45 from her side holster and double tapped that German canine right in its nazi head.

CNS · « **Reply #4 on:** May 23, 2012, 10:20:27 PM »

Guy I know's story:

He grew up in one of the racist carolinas. When in his early 20's, he came home and found that the neighbor's dog bit his niece. He went outside to confront the neighbor(who's dog was right next to him). A near fight occurred. Toward the end of said near fight, the guy I know turned to his house and yelled for his wife until she came to the door. He then yelled for her to go get his gun. Once his wife "fetched" his gun, he started to raise toward the dog. This guy said that his neighbor suddenly relaxed and joked, "you can't shoot my..." BANG!(bang was yelled really loud by the guy I know at this point of the story). So he killed the dog. The neighbor took the dog and buried it in his back yard. Then the guy I know called the police and reported the bite. Animal control then came out to get the dog(evidently they need the head of the animal to test for rabies). Upon finding that the dog was buried, they made the neighbor dig the dog back up so they could take it away.

Please note that I had to translate all of that from Red Neck to English so I may have lost something in the translation, but I am pretty sure that was the gist of it.

Rams · « **Reply #5 on:** May 24, 2012, 09:04:57 AM »

Welp. Didn't take long for this to turn into a dog/gun thread.

btw none of these stories so far are unique to small towns

slobber · « **Reply #6 on:** May 24, 2012, 09:23:49 AM »

"In Broad Daylight"
There is a small town story for you. No way an entire city knows who murdered somebody and nobody says a thing about it. Only in Skidmore, MO.

Trim · « **Reply #7 on:** May 24, 2012, 09:30:26 AM »

http://www.dodgeglobe.com/features/x639953313/The-Quack-Attack-is-back

steve dave · « **Reply #8 on:** May 24, 2012, 09:37:36 AM »

You know what's an absolute treat? Small townie local politics. Truly the most enjoyment you can get in life.

There's a guy in my small hometown that runs for mayor or sherrif or judge every single term. He's a felon and dirtbag but a generally nice and funny guy. Apparently you can run for these offices as a felon in townieville USA. Anyway, the local paper will have an interview with the 2 or 3 people openly running for these offices prior to the elections. Everyone will say why they are right for the job and what their qualifications are. This guy always says stuff like, "Well, I've been in a lot of trouble and my kids have been in a lot of trouble so I know the legal system and know how to deal with people that cause trouble so I'd be the best fit as judge". One time he was running for city council and the only other person running died just prior to th election and the dead guy got 95% of the vote.

Also, reading the notes from city council meetings and sherrifs report in the townie newspaper are amazing. there's one crazy lady who calls the police every night sometimes multiple times because of sounds heard in the alley behind her house. they go out to check it out every night and tell her not to call anymore but she calls anyway. most of the calls are, like:

Call received about cattle on roadway 2 miles south of Meade on highway 23. Officer responded. located owner by brand. Owner contacted.

Call received about disturbance at house at blah blah blah street. Officer responded. Disturbance determined to be raccoons in attic.

WillieWatanabe · « **Reply #9 on:** May 24, 2012, 09:39:01 AM »

Kat Kid · « **Reply #10 on:** May 24, 2012, 09:40:54 AM »

Simple joys.

Trim · « **Reply #11 on:** May 24, 2012, 09:42:34 AM »

I like when I'm bounty hunting people from townievilles and I can give steve dave or others from whatever small town the guy's in the info and they or their fam can ask local bar patrons where he's at.

ChiComCat · « **Reply #12 on:** May 24, 2012, 09:44:53 AM »

SD the snitch, thats what I always call him

Trim · « **Reply #13 on:** May 24, 2012, 09:49:11 AM »

Quote from: ChiCat on May 24, 2012, 09:44:53 AM

SD the snitch, thats what I always call him

No, denied. Any info I get is found in the local townie trash can.

Rage Against the McKee · « **Reply #14 on:** May 24, 2012, 10:08:19 AM »

Quote from: steve dave on May 24, 2012, 09:37:36 AM

You know what's an absolute treat? Small townie local politics. Truly the most enjoyment you can get in life.

There's a guy in my small hometown that runs for mayor or sherrif or judge every single term. He's a felon and dirtbag but a generally nice and funny guy. Apparently you can run for these offices as a felon in townieville USA. Anyway, the local paper will have an interview with the 2 or 3 people openly running for these offices prior to the elections. Everyone will say why they are right for the job and what their qualifications are. This guy always says stuff like, "Well, I've been in a lot of trouble and my kids have been in a lot of trouble so I know the legal system and know how to deal with people that cause trouble so I'd be the best fit as judge". One time he was running for city council and the only other person running died just prior to th election and the dead guy got 95% of the vote.

Also, reading the notes from city council meetings and sherrifs report in the townie newspaper are amazing. there's one crazy lady who calls the police every night sometimes multiple times because of sounds heard in the alley behind her house. they go out to check it out every night and tell her not to call anymore but she calls anyway. most of the calls are, like:

Call received about cattle on roadway 2 miles south of Meade on highway 23. Officer responded. located owner by brand. Owner contacted.

Call received about disturbance at house at blah blah blah street. Officer responded. Disturbance determined to be raccoons in attic.

Anybody with organizational skills has a very good shot an winning small town elections. When you combine the low voter turnout with the low population, all you really need to do is make sure all of your friends show up and vote. There usually won't be more than about 200 votes cast.

steve dave · « **Reply #15 on:** May 24, 2012, 12:29:37 PM »

There will be a lot of townie political positions open that they will have to find people and beg them run for to avoid the crazies from winning the election. The only one that is ever really fought for is school board. and, honestly, those freako parents are usually the most crazy of all.

michigancat · « **Reply #16 on:** May 24, 2012, 12:33:30 PM »

farmers are getting that paper where I grew up:

http://money.cnn.com/2012/05/23/pf/america-boomtown-kansas/index.htm

'taterblast · « **Reply #17 on:** May 24, 2012, 12:37:16 PM »

Quote from: michigancat on May 24, 2012, 12:33:30 PM

farmers are getting that paper where I grew up:

http://money.cnn.com/2012/05/23/pf/america-boomtown-kansas/index.htm

Quote

horizontal drilling and fracking have made it possible to tap into the oil-rich Mississippian Limestone formation

steve dave · « **Reply #18 on:** May 24, 2012, 12:38:13 PM »

Quote from: michigancat on May 24, 2012, 12:33:30 PM

farmers are getting that paper where I grew up:

http://money.cnn.com/2012/05/23/pf/america-boomtown-kansas/index.htm

yeah, a lot of natural gas millionaires have popped up around SW KS as well

yoga-like_abana · « **Reply #19 on:** May 24, 2012, 01:55:37 PM »

If I could bottle up and sell my natural gas, I too could be a millionaire.

Rams · « **Reply #20 on:** May 24, 2012, 02:01:06 PM »

Quote from: steve dave on May 24, 2012, 09:37:36 AM

He's a felon and dirtbag but a generally nice and funny guy.

nominated for the word

jdagg2003 · « **Reply #21 on:** May 24, 2012, 04:19:35 PM »

http://www.kake.com/home/headlines/152385475.html

michigancat · « **Reply #22 on:** May 24, 2012, 05:48:28 PM »

Quote from: jdagg2003 on May 24, 2012, 04:19:35 PM

http://www.kake.com/home/headlines/152385475.html

ha ha

jdagg2003 · « **Reply #23 on:** May 24, 2012, 08:15:42 PM »

I have alot of of these, but I don't want this to turn in to a harper county thread, so ill save the rest for later.

derikj · « **Reply #24 on:** May 24, 2012, 11:24:46 PM »

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,330642,00.html

My hometown.

I attended the public high school FWIW.