Arkansas Fans, line up at the SW corner of the stadium 4 hours prior to kickoff to get the everloving crap beaten out of your balls. My bros and I will be organizing a single file line for each of you to take me on in hand to hand combat until it's time to enter the game. This is a 1 on 1 fight until I'm done throttling the crap out of the ballsack and face and taint of whoever was first in line followed by second, then third, then fourth then fifth, etc. When it is your turn I will give you the first shot to try to punch or kick me before I dislocate your dick from your face and smash your taint into your neck. Most matchups will take 30 seconds max before the arkansas fan is on the ground bleeding and crying for his mom to come get him so he doesn't miss the game. Pete and Kleinstone are from my dojo (sidewinder kempo Riley County #2) and they will be keeping the line orderly. So, if you think you are going to try to get cuts or come at me more than one at a time think again. I'm a yellow belt sidewinder and have had tons of action in the ring so this shouldn't be a tough match for me. I doubt kempo has even made its way into your garbage state. Before you get into line you may want to know some things about me:
1- I once fought a bloodthirsty dog that chased me and my friends after we left the Manhattan pool. It had gotten out and was pretty much a full blood pit bull and I booted it in the nuts so hard it fell onto it's side and started barking while running back to it's house. It never tried to tangle with anyone again.
2- I once kicked a hole though some dry wall at an abandoned house like it was nothing. Kleinstone can confirm this as he was there. My foot went clean through it to the other side. picture your ballsack as the wall and you get the picture.
3- My entrance music at Kempo matches is the sidewinder theme, Firework by Katy Perry. Fireworks are what you will see when you catch the first fist in your nose and eyes. This will most likely be the first punch.
4- I can eat a medium thin crust Pizza Hut pepperoni by myself. This is my pregame meal so energy will not be lacking in my feet and fists of death.
5- I have first place at Big Buck Hunter at the Manhattan Buffalo Wild Wings. This showcases my accuracy and fury. This record score has stood for 3 months.
6- I made Chris Robinson turn blue and have to go home from school early when I kicked his balls during kickball. I will use this move against each of you. Which foot will it be? That's the secret, you don't know because I use both. You can't block it. Unblockable.
7- A spin kick is another move I use. This is also unblockable and will probably connect with either your face or chest or ballsack. You will come off the ground by about a foot and while you are in the air I will punch you face or balls again at least three times before you hit the ground. game over.
If my mom or step dad Ray approaches the body pile or fighting area they are probably bringing me and my bros food. You are to act like we are just horsing around and all of your bloody crotch faces are from falling down from being stupid asses. They will believe this because you are from Arkansas. If you tell them that I was the one that beat you up there will be severe consequences. Our snacks will feature buggles, dr. pepper, hot dogs and probably on of the better little debbies available. You have to sit and watch me and my bros eat these choice snacks while you wait. Ray does not take any crap at all so don't even think about starting anything while he is there. He will smash your face no matter how old you are. He smokes camels, nuff said. After I have finished with everyone in the line I will probably grab the boobs of your girlfriends which they will like and want to make out with me. I won't, because I have a super hot girlfriend. She won't be there, so I could, but I just don't want to. Any questions about where to line up or what I will do to you?
