I got to set a record strait. The other day i tole a lie. Well it was a partial lie. Part of it happend and part didn't.
If I ever am to shatter the glass cieleing of Moderater here then I got to be strait. Hosety is the best policie. I suspect that the Moderaters have snuffed this out and this is causing a delay in me bein made a moderater. So...
The other day I mentioned that I was in Walmart to pick up a few items for the holidays and I pointed out that I had been attached by a woman with a summer sausage.
Fack check: True. I was hit with a Hillshire Farm "Yard O' Beef".
I said she thought I was tryin to steal her purse.
Fack check: False. What happend was that she and I was lookin in the music secion. and we were both there to get a copy of that
"Celtic Woman." we'll I had the damn thing and she lost it. she said that she had driven from the southside of Little Rock to get it and "by damned I ain't leavin without it" (her words, not mine). I had the Celtic Woman in my hand "Believe" and she whipped out this basebal bat made of tasty spiced beef and hit me across the small of the back. Well it knocked the wind out of me and I fell into the CD's. She got the last copy that I could find and disappeared and I couldn't run her down on account the manager thougth I was deliereous.
I think its a damn shame that people caint' act civil during the holiday season.
I am thinkin of suing Hillshire farms for basically makin a weapon and seling it like it is food. If there is a lawyer hear I'd love an opinion and maybe a contact number. I am sure there would be a precedent for dangerous food like the McDonalds coffe lawsuit.
But there it is. I am done with the damn lies! I know some of you wil tee off on an Old Man with off colored jokes and such but I felt like i needed to be hones about what happened and maybe clear my name with the Moderaters and expidite this process so I can recieve my status upgrade.
Also, if any of you work for WalMark is there a security system and how would I get a tape of that fat witch hittin me with the Hillshire Farms Yard of Beef? is that somethin they would have on record? How many days do they keep video?
Anyway, God Bless
Mod in Waiting,
Jack Blasingame, II
