My wiffle ball got stuck on my roof yesterday, and my ladder is stowed away in the attic. I was dreading having to climb up in that cobwebby mess of a cavern, but then Christmas Charlie showed up on his Rascal. He maneuvered the Rascal directly underneath where my wiffle ball was trapped. I then rolled his fat ass out of the scooter and took his cane. Whilst standing on the scooter and reaching up with the cane, I was able to free the ball from my roof and continue taking Bob Hammerin Hamelin Hacks at my wiffle ball and winning the 1994 World Series for the Royals (with a full count in the bottom of the ninth, mind you!).
Last night, I was able to sell the cane and Rascal on Craigslist for a total of $300 (a nice little bonus to have around the holidays, what with my fiance making so many trips to JosABank).
The sad part is, I had to listen to Charlie's wails all last night as he lay in my back yard. I simply do not have access to a crane to get his ass out of there. With the unseasonably warm weather in KC, he was unfortunately able to survive the night, but I can see through my kitchen window that his fingers are somewhat purple. I believe it to be frost bite, but I am still optimistic that this shade of color on his fingers is a sign of him turning over to the good side before his death, ala darth vader.
I know that some of you rich EMAWers can help me out with a cheap crane rental, so please pm me. Also, I don't expect to need a hauling service, as I live on State Line Road. I think we can simply hold up traffic for a minute and swing him on over a hundred or so feet to the east and leave him there. I think the residents there will be angry at first, but once they realize that I will have created the highest point above sea level in the SEC, their grumblings should eventually quiet.
TIA. Godspeed.
