Author Topic: LOLLERS!  (Read 9856 times)

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Offline Pete

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LOLLERS!
« on: February 26, 2010, 08:50:08 PM »


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Offline Winters

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2010, 08:51:15 PM »
Amazing  :lol:

"whose genitals were like those of donkeys" thats what got me
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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2010, 08:55:01 PM »
Amazing  :lol:

"whose genitals were like those of donkeys" thats what got me

So sayeth the LORD!

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #3 on: February 26, 2010, 09:10:17 PM »
Porn porn is so in your face with the boobs and stuff.  God porn leaves so much to the imagination  :fatty:


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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2010, 09:19:30 PM »
Porn porn is so in your face with the boobs and stuff.  God porn leaves so much to the imagination  :fatty:



Yep.  Couldn't agree more.  It's like penthouse letters for the theological.

Offline TBL

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2010, 09:42:14 PM »
And they wonder why priests (some) are deviants.

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #6 on: February 26, 2010, 09:47:40 PM »
And they wonder why priests (some) are deviants.

The "takeaway" here is that literal interpretation of religious texts is completely nuts.  Golden rule, so forth....that's the point.  It's the literal interpretation that gets people killed (i.e. makes people kill people).

Offline Dirty Sanchez

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #7 on: February 26, 2010, 10:07:41 PM »
You're also talking Old Testament stuff there.  Completely different from New.

There's lots of other crazy rules like that first one.  Lots of them in Leviticus. 

For example: Leviticus 7:23 tells you not to eat sheep, goat or cattle fat. 
Leviticus 12 talks about birthing uncleanliness and periods.
Chapters 13&14 goes on at length about colors and conditions of skin diseases and mildew and then their treatment(odd combo there)

Here's the best one, Leviticus 15
Quote
4 " 'Any bed the man with a discharge lies on will be unclean, and anything he sits on will be unclean. 5 Anyone who touches his bed must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening. 6 Whoever sits on anything that the man with a discharge sat on must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening.

 7 " 'Whoever touches the man who has a discharge must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening.

 8 " 'If the man with the discharge spits on someone who is clean, that person must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening.

 9 " 'Everything the man sits on when riding will be unclean, 10 and whoever touches any of the things that were under him will be unclean till evening; whoever picks up those things must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening.

 11 " 'Anyone the man with a discharge touches without rinsing his hands with water must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening.

 12 " 'A clay pot that the man touches must be broken, and any wooden article is to be rinsed with water.

 13 " 'When a man is cleansed from his discharge, he is to count off seven days for his ceremonial cleansing; he must wash his clothes and bathe himself with fresh water, and he will be clean. 14 On the eighth day he must take two doves or two young pigeons and come before the LORD to the entrance to the Tent of Meeting and give them to the priest. 15 The priest is to sacrifice them, the one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. In this way he will make atonement before the LORD for the man because of his discharge.

 16 " 'When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening. 17 Any clothing or leather that has semen on it must be washed with water, and it will be unclean till evening. 18 When a man lies with a woman and there is an emission of semen, both must bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening.

 19 " 'When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening.

 20 " 'Anything she lies on during her period will be unclean, and anything she sits on will be unclean. 21 Whoever touches her bed must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening. 22 Whoever touches anything she sits on must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening. 23 Whether it is the bed or anything she was sitting on, when anyone touches it, he will be unclean till evening.

 24 " 'If a man lies with her and her monthly flow touches him, he will be unclean for seven days; any bed he lies on will be unclean.

 25 " 'When a woman has a discharge of blood for many days at a time other than her monthly period or has a discharge that continues beyond her period, she will be unclean as long as she has the discharge, just as in the days of her period. 26 Any bed she lies on while her discharge continues will be unclean, as is her bed during her monthly period, and anything she sits on will be unclean, as during her period. 27 Whoever touches them will be unclean; he must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening.

 28 " 'When she is cleansed from her discharge, she must count off seven days, and after that she will be ceremonially clean. 29 On the eighth day she must take two doves or two young pigeons and bring them to the priest at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting. 30 The priest is to sacrifice one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. In this way he will make atonement for her before the LORD for the uncleanness of her discharge.

 31 " 'You must keep the Israelites separate from things that make them unclean, so they will not die in their uncleanness for defiling my dwelling place, [a] which is among them.' "

 32 These are the regulations for a man with a discharge, for anyone made unclean by an emission of semen, 33 for a woman in her monthly period, for a man or a woman with a discharge, and for a man who lies with a woman who is ceremonially unclean.


You can go to Proverbs for an interesting read.  Lots of useful stuff, but some pretty funny stuff, too.  Solomon was a funny dude.

Offline TBL

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #8 on: February 26, 2010, 10:09:47 PM »
Wasn't the Old Testament "Rules For Living" for the chosen people (Jews)? Maybe Saul can help?  :dunno:

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #9 on: February 26, 2010, 10:10:08 PM »
Wasn't the Old Testament "Rules For Living" for the chosen people (Jews)? Maybe Saul can help?  :dunno:

He's dead

Offline TBL

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #10 on: February 26, 2010, 10:10:40 PM »
Wasn't the Old Testament "Rules For Living" for the chosen people (Jews)? Maybe Saul can help?  :dunno:

He's dead


 :confused:

Offline Pete

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #11 on: February 26, 2010, 10:12:53 PM »
Wasn't the Old Testament "Rules For Living" for the chosen people (Jews)? Maybe Saul can help?  :dunno:

He's dead


 :confused:

Don't worry.  That's as of yesterday.  Tomorrow he'll be back.

Offline TBL

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #12 on: February 26, 2010, 10:14:41 PM »
Wasn't the Old Testament "Rules For Living" for the chosen people (Jews)? Maybe Saul can help?  :dunno:

He's dead


 :confused:

Don't worry.  That's as of yesterday.  Tomorrow he'll be back.

Just dead to SD, huh?

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #13 on: February 26, 2010, 10:16:32 PM »
Wasn't the Old Testament "Rules For Living" for the chosen people (Jews)? Maybe Saul can help?  :dunno:

He's dead


 :confused:

Don't worry.  That's as of yesterday.  Tomorrow he'll be back.

Just dead to SD, huh?

was Jesus just dead to Peter?

Offline Dirty Sanchez

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #14 on: February 26, 2010, 10:19:25 PM »
I have a feeling saul will pull a Lazarus, if he believed in that kind of thing.

Offline TBL

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #15 on: February 26, 2010, 10:23:53 PM »
I have a feeling saul will pull a Lazarus, if he believed in that kind of thing.

No. I don't think jews think that route.

Offline sys

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #16 on: February 27, 2010, 12:14:56 AM »
most of those rules about when you're clean and who to kill are just common sense.
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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #17 on: February 27, 2010, 12:31:37 AM »
I'd love to be a pastor for a day and give a sermon on this. 

"Today good people of the Shady Hill Methodist Church we are going to have a lesson on God's divine laws of cleanliness."  Then I would go into the whole spiel about semen and the like and watch the blue hairs and ultra conservos squirm and cover their children's ears.
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Offline Cire

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #18 on: February 27, 2010, 12:36:16 AM »
there was a show on the history channel that said there were like 603 commandments in the bible.

Offline Dirty Sanchez

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #19 on: February 27, 2010, 07:52:51 AM »
there was a show on the history channel that said there were like 603 commandments in the bible.

There are a ton, but there's a bunch regarding burnt offerings that kinda took a back seat in the New Testament.  Also the book of Numbers ( think that's the one) lists all sorts of rules about the size and shape of the temple and such.  Ridiculously exciting reading.  :zzz:

Offline felix rex

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #20 on: February 27, 2010, 12:49:02 PM »
most of those rules about when you're clean and who to kill are just common sense.

lol

Would love to read a Mars/Venus couples book based on old Testament rules. Working title: "Men are from clay, Woman are from ribs" (Chapter 1: On "emissions" from God)
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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #21 on: February 28, 2010, 10:26:06 PM »
You're also talking Old Testament stuff there.  Completely different from New.

There's lots of other crazy rules like that first one.  Lots of them in Leviticus. 

For example: Leviticus 7:23 tells you not to eat sheep, goat or cattle fat. 
Leviticus 12 talks about birthing uncleanliness and periods.
Chapters 13&14 goes on at length about colors and conditions of skin diseases and mildew and then their treatment(odd combo there)

Here's the best one, Leviticus 15
Quote
4 " 'Any bed the man with a discharge lies on will be unclean, and anything he sits on will be unclean. 5 Anyone who touches his bed must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening. 6 Whoever sits on anything that the man with a discharge sat on must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening.

 7 " 'Whoever touches the man who has a discharge must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening.

 8 " 'If the man with the discharge spits on someone who is clean, that person must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening.

 9 " 'Everything the man sits on when riding will be unclean, 10 and whoever touches any of the things that were under him will be unclean till evening; whoever picks up those things must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening.

 11 " 'Anyone the man with a discharge touches without rinsing his hands with water must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening.

 12 " 'A clay pot that the man touches must be broken, and any wooden article is to be rinsed with water.

 13 " 'When a man is cleansed from his discharge, he is to count off seven days for his ceremonial cleansing; he must wash his clothes and bathe himself with fresh water, and he will be clean. 14 On the eighth day he must take two doves or two young pigeons and come before the LORD to the entrance to the Tent of Meeting and give them to the priest. 15 The priest is to sacrifice them, the one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. In this way he will make atonement before the LORD for the man because of his discharge.

 16 " 'When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening. 17 Any clothing or leather that has semen on it must be washed with water, and it will be unclean till evening. 18 When a man lies with a woman and there is an emission of semen, both must bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening.

 19 " 'When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening.

 20 " 'Anything she lies on during her period will be unclean, and anything she sits on will be unclean. 21 Whoever touches her bed must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening. 22 Whoever touches anything she sits on must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening. 23 Whether it is the bed or anything she was sitting on, when anyone touches it, he will be unclean till evening.

 24 " 'If a man lies with her and her monthly flow touches him, he will be unclean for seven days; any bed he lies on will be unclean.

 25 " 'When a woman has a discharge of blood for many days at a time other than her monthly period or has a discharge that continues beyond her period, she will be unclean as long as she has the discharge, just as in the days of her period. 26 Any bed she lies on while her discharge continues will be unclean, as is her bed during her monthly period, and anything she sits on will be unclean, as during her period. 27 Whoever touches them will be unclean; he must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening.

 28 " 'When she is cleansed from her discharge, she must count off seven days, and after that she will be ceremonially clean. 29 On the eighth day she must take two doves or two young pigeons and bring them to the priest at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting. 30 The priest is to sacrifice one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. In this way he will make atonement for her before the LORD for the uncleanness of her discharge.

 31 " 'You must keep the Israelites separate from things that make them unclean, so they will not die in their uncleanness for defiling my dwelling place, [a] which is among them.' "

 32 These are the regulations for a man with a discharge, for anyone made unclean by an emission of semen, 33 for a woman in her monthly period, for a man or a woman with a discharge, and for a man who lies with a woman who is ceremonially unclean.


You can go to Proverbs for an interesting read.  Lots of useful stuff, but some pretty funny stuff, too.  Solomon was a funny dude.


Tim Teabow quotes the crap out of the Old Testament on his eye-black....is that bullshit too?  :dunno:

Offline Cire

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #22 on: March 01, 2010, 12:23:28 PM »
Soloman probably didn't even exist.

Offline Saulbadguy

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #23 on: March 01, 2010, 12:31:42 PM »
The bible is really kind of dumb.
Where did you get that overnight bag?

Offline TBL

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Re: LOLLERS!
« Reply #24 on: March 01, 2010, 01:34:24 PM »
The bible is really kind of dumb.

Torah guy, huh?