Author Topic: Coffee: defining our terms (Read 10802 times)

Kat Kid · « **on:** July 07, 2011, 10:53:16 AM »

So there you are. You are up earlier than you wanted to be and it is time to drop the wife off at the airport, yet there you are wrapped in both down comforters with a dachshund in your arms.

She knows there must be some new tact. "I made coffee," she coos. You lift your head and swivel your hips to move from parallel to perpendicular.

As she hands the cup to you in the kitchen your olfactory glands are not fully fired up, but something is amiss. You take the first pull and instead of letting out an "ahhh" you frown and look in the cup and up at her.

Hazelnut.

Is this product coffee? Should there have been a heads up? Was this simply the kind of Faustian bargain inevitable to the kind of person that negotiates the timeliness of their consciousness with their spouse in the morning?

Rage Against the McKee · « **Reply #1 on:** July 07, 2011, 11:02:37 AM »

unforgivable

Stevesie60 · « **Reply #2 on:** July 07, 2011, 11:02:44 AM »

In order to make flavored coffee, the roaster has to burn the crap out of the beans in order to get the coffee flavor out. Think of it as a very well done burger. Then they add chemicals to it (some of which are found in anti-freeze) in order to sweeten it and give it flavor.

No. I don't touch the stuff.

Rage Against the McKee · « **Reply #3 on:** July 07, 2011, 11:05:35 AM »

Quote from: Stevesie60 on July 07, 2011, 11:02:44 AM

In order to make flavored coffee, the roaster has to burn the crap out of the beans in order to get the coffee flavor out. Think of it as a very well done burger. Then they add chemicals to it (some of which are found in anti-freeze) in order to sweeten it and give it flavor.

No. I don't touch the stuff.

My dog would drink the crap out of antifreeze if I would let him. Maybe Tortuga should just give the hazelnut coffee to his dachsund.

MeatSauce · « **Reply #4 on:** July 07, 2011, 11:13:29 AM »

There was a Hazelnut Coup d'etat at the MeatSauce home recently. Horrifying morning.

Saulbadguy · « **Reply #5 on:** July 07, 2011, 11:21:16 AM »

Yeah, not a fan of the flavored coffee. It tastes like watered down coffee but smells pretty good.

EllToPay · « **Reply #6 on:** July 07, 2011, 11:22:37 AM »

The only flavored coffee I drink is the Hazelnut at Panera Bread. It's pretty delish.

Stupid Fitz · « **Reply #7 on:** July 07, 2011, 11:43:03 AM »

Mrs. SF adds fat free vanilla creamer to her coffee. I hate even the smell of it. Hazelnut is worse. You should have smelled it way before it hit your mouth. Mrs. Tortuga should pay dearly for this act of bait and switch though.

Kat Kid · « **Reply #8 on:** July 07, 2011, 11:44:03 AM »

She's gone for work for a week and a half. Parting shot.

Stupid Fitz · « **Reply #9 on:** July 07, 2011, 11:50:13 AM »

Quote from: Tortuga on July 07, 2011, 11:44:03 AM

She's gone for work for a week and a half. Parting shot.

She has obviously been planning this attack for a while. I would prepare for divorce papers to be delivered any day now. You should jump in front of this and divorce her first.

Emo EMAW · « **Reply #10 on:** July 07, 2011, 11:54:15 AM »

I like those Starbuck's Frappuccino's.

Stevesie60 · « **Reply #11 on:** July 07, 2011, 11:54:42 AM »

Quote from: Emo EMAW on July 07, 2011, 11:54:15 AM

I like those Starbuck's Frappuccino's.

Rage Against the McKee · « **Reply #12 on:** July 07, 2011, 11:55:57 AM »

Quote from: Emo EMAW on July 07, 2011, 11:54:15 AM

I like those Starbuck's Frappuccino's.

OMG, YES

SkinnyBenny · « **Reply #13 on:** July 07, 2011, 11:59:36 AM »

God, Tortuga is like copious amounts of a fine wine. Gets better with age, gets me wasted, makes me live in the past and think wistfully of old times, etc.

Emo EMAW · « **Reply #14 on:** July 07, 2011, 12:01:39 PM »

Quote from: Stevesie60 on July 07, 2011, 11:54:42 AM

Quote from: Emo EMAW on July 07, 2011, 11:54:15 AM
I like those Starbuck's Frappuccino's.

I know, but IDGAF. I have other redeeming qualities that more than cancel out my shitty taste in coffee/frappu/latte/caffiene fix.

Stevesie60 · « **Reply #15 on:** July 07, 2011, 12:04:50 PM »

Quote from: Emo EMAW on July 07, 2011, 12:01:39 PM

Quote from: Stevesie60 on July 07, 2011, 11:54:42 AM
Quote from: Emo EMAW on July 07, 2011, 11:54:15 AM
I like those Starbuck's Frappuccino's.

I know, but IDGAF. I have other redeeming qualities that more than cancel out my shitty taste in coffee/frappu/latte/caffiene fix.

Can someone investigate Emo EMAW? Pretty sure he's a squawk.

Sorry EE, but liking Starbuck's is unforgivable.

Emo EMAW · « **Reply #16 on:** July 07, 2011, 12:09:49 PM »

Quote from: Stevesie60 on July 07, 2011, 12:04:50 PM

Quote from: Emo EMAW on July 07, 2011, 12:01:39 PM
Quote from: Stevesie60 on July 07, 2011, 11:54:42 AM
Quote from: Emo EMAW on July 07, 2011, 11:54:15 AM
I like those Starbuck's Frappuccino's.

I know, but IDGAF. I have other redeeming qualities that more than cancel out my crapty taste in coffee/frappu/latte/caffiene fix.

Can someone investigate Emo EMAW? Pretty sure he's a squawk.

Sorry EE, but liking Starbuck's is unforgivable.

I'm not a coffee drinker. I don't like Starbucks, if I go there I usually get a hot chocolate. I much prefer Panera where I also get a hot chocolate. But like if we're road tripping or something and we're up early I'll do the frappucino thing. It makes a nice dueuce too, so that's a plus.

pissclams · « **Reply #17 on:** July 07, 2011, 12:34:16 PM »

coffee is for people with bad genes

CNS · « **Reply #18 on:** July 07, 2011, 12:41:21 PM »

Agreed on the smells great/tastes bad comment.

Kat Kid · « **Reply #19 on:** July 07, 2011, 12:44:37 PM »

Quote from: pissclams on July 07, 2011, 12:34:16 PM

coffee is for people with bad genes

what about smokes?

AppleJack · « **Reply #20 on:** July 07, 2011, 12:47:24 PM »

I will never understand how you people can sip piping hot coffee. Its like your tongue and upper lip have been burnt so many times that they have perma-blisters on them. You people make me sick to my stomach.

Saulbadguy · « **Reply #21 on:** July 07, 2011, 01:07:59 PM »

Quote from: AppleJack on July 07, 2011, 12:47:24 PM

I will never understand how you people can sip piping hot coffee. Its like your tongue and upper lip have been burnt so many times that they have perma-blisters on them. You people make me sick to my stomach.

I let it cool off a tad.

felix rex · « **Reply #22 on:** July 07, 2011, 01:54:31 PM »

Hazelnut and French Vanilla are always the last two varieties to go out of stock in the office. Was embarrassed when I had a guy in for an interview, offered him coffee, then was like "Welp, you're getting vanilla. Sorry about that, dude."

But at least I gave him a heads up.

Rage Against the McKee · « **Reply #23 on:** July 07, 2011, 02:00:44 PM »

Quote from: Emo EMAW on July 07, 2011, 12:01:39 PM

Quote from: Stevesie60 on July 07, 2011, 11:54:42 AM
Quote from: Emo EMAW on July 07, 2011, 11:54:15 AM
I like those Starbuck's Frappuccino's.

I know, but IDGAF. I have other redeeming qualities that more than cancel out my shitty taste in coffee/frappu/latte/caffiene fix.

Don't worry about it. Frappuccino's are fantastic. I like the strawberry one myself.

wetwillie · « **Reply #24 on:** July 07, 2011, 02:05:19 PM »

Quote from: felix rex on July 07, 2011, 01:54:31 PM

Hazelnut and French Vanilla are always the last two varieties to go out of stock in the office. Was embarrassed when I had a guy in for an interview, offered him coffee, then was like "Welp, you're getting vanilla. Sorry about that, dude."

But at least I gave him a heads up.

This could be turned into an excellent weed out technique for future employee considerations. Dude takes the vanilla coffee without objection you have yourself an easy way to take him out of the running.