First, it's about time we had this thread...can't tell you how many times I wanted to start it, but was nervous it would jinx me. So, thanks for that Chings.
Second, you have a full-on East Georgia Mulatto Hex on you right now. That's the bad news.
The good news is that my uncle was a Pottawatomie Shaman, and my godfather was a Pentecostal snake handler, so I know a thing or two about these sorts of things. Also, I was the MVW at fantasy warlock camp in '02, and don't really think I've lost a step.
This is going to be a complicated process but I need you to do the following 5 things before tomorrow night:
1. Obtain a chicken mask...I'd check the wholesale stores. This would be easier if we were near All Hallows Eve.
2. Get a fully ripened plantain. This may be hard in Manhattan, but necessary.
3. Purchase (DO NOT BORROW) a full length mirror.
4. Using mud from your own yard (or your apartment building, but it MUST be property on which you live) draw/paint a giant six sided star (e.g. star of David) on your naked chest. DO NOT DRAW A FIVE SIDED STAR UNLESS YOU WANT TO COMMUNE WITH A DEMON!
5. Strip naked, insert the plantain into your anus, place the chicken mask on your head/face, and masturbate in front of the full length mirror until you climax.
It's important, but not mission critical, that you "finish" step 5 as quickly as possible, but do not "hurry."
PM me when this is complete. God speed.
