Real raccoon stories thread

[sys]

i've heard of the book you're talking about, sd.  it's about some hick in ny with a deer killing fetish.  not sure i see any similarity to pete running away from home with the raccoons to live on the prairie.


any good stories with jessie, pete?  it'd be great to see someone take sd down a peg on raccoon stories.

[LimestoneOutcropping]

I ran away from my home in Topeka in the month of May, when I was just a boy. I left with only a penknife, a ball of cord, a hatchet, $40 I had saved selling magazine subscriptions, and a flint and steel set that I had purchased at a Chinese merchant's store in the Potwin area of Topeka.

I got a ride with a man driving a truck South of Overbrook in search of my family's farm in Osage County. I spent a lonely first night in my small hemlock lean-to (a small tent-like structure that consists of a hemlock bow and a stump). I caught five catfish, but I failed to start a fire to cook them.

In the morning, I climbed a hill and discovered a small cottage near my cold and uncomfortable camp—it was the residence of an old man named Bill. Bill showed the me  how to prepare and cook his fish and—more important—how to make proper use of the flint and steel with which I had been unable to make a fire the night before. Unfortunately, it seemed like Bill had low confidence in me.

Finding my family farm, I established a dwelling in the stump of an immense old hemlock tree. I used a hand-axe and fire to expand a natural hollow into a home with space for a bed, stores of gathered foodstuffs, and even a small fireplace.

As the summer passed, my skills and knowledge of the Osage County prairie and of survival grew. I learned to live off the land by hunting small game and deer and by gathering a wide variety of edible plants and nuts. I made clothes, bedding, and other useful things from deer hide and rabbit fur.

I lived a free life in the wilderness for more than a year with my pet, a peregrine falcon named Frightful, whom I had captured as a chick and hand-reared. My neighbors in the forest included the free-ranging musteline "Baron" Weasel, and a raccoon that I named Jessie Coon James.

Those were heady days, to be certain...

MY SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN!  Personal fave of sd's literary youth.

I have no idea what you are talking about.  It was a very formative time for me.  I "came of age" that year.

I can vouche for Pete's story.  He still carries a picture of Jesse Coon James in his wallet (made of Baron's hide) and he still raises several of Frightful's off spring in the back yard of his suburban home.

[pissclams]

I too can vouche for Pete and his story as he's been bartering Frightful's eggs to me for heating oil that I obtain from a oil drill near my home.

[catdude33]

any good stories with jessie, pete?  it'd be great to see someone take sd down a peg on raccoon stories.

You didn't like my story?  Just think about it for a while and you will see how amazing it is.

[Pete]

any good stories with jessie, pete?  it'd be great to see someone take sd down a peg on raccoon stories.

You didn't like my story?  Just think about it for a while and you will see how amazing it is.

That's a great story, but really doesn't have anything to do with raccoons.  Your story is merely about the powers of the nether regions punishing you for crimes against nature....could have been a possum or even a badger.  GMAFB about it being a "raccoon" story.

I'd like to add that many people think that I brought the raccoon with me from Topeka to the prairies of Osage County.  Not true.  That's just the story teller's taking liberties with the truth.  Pisses me off.  I mean, who takes a semi-domesticated raccoon from the big city of Topeka into the wild and then tries to pass it off that the raccoon could actually survive on the harsh Osage County prairie.  &@#%ing dolts.

[Chingon]

for sd...

[steve dave]

Thanks chings.  Means a lot.

[kst8cat]

Raccoons are mean, nasty, vicious creatures, and I like to pop a cap in 'em whenever I get a chance.  Those who view them as sweet, cuddly "pets" are f*cked in the head.

 

[steve dave]

Raccoons are mean, nasty, vicious creatures, and I like to pop a cap in 'em whenever I get a chance.  Those who view them as sweet, cuddly "pets" are f*cked in the head.

 

hey bro, enjoy getting your ass kicked inside out by me whenever we meet.  tia.

[Thin Blue Line]

I ran away from my home in Topeka in the month of May, when I was just a boy. I left with only a penknife, a ball of cord, a hatchet, $40 I had saved selling magazine subscriptions, and a flint and steel set that I had purchased at a Chinese merchant's store in the Potwin area of Topeka.

I got a ride with a man driving a truck South of Overbrook in search of my family's farm in Osage County. I spent a lonely first night in my small hemlock lean-to (a small tent-like structure that consists of a hemlock bow and a stump). I caught five catfish, but I failed to start a fire to cook them.

In the morning, I climbed a hill and discovered a small cottage near my cold and uncomfortable camp—it was the residence of an old man named Bill. Bill showed the me  how to prepare and cook his fish and—more important—how to make proper use of the flint and steel with which I had been unable to make a fire the night before. Unfortunately, it seemed like Bill had low confidence in me.

Finding my family farm, I established a dwelling in the stump of an immense old hemlock tree. I used a hand-axe and fire to expand a natural hollow into a home with space for a bed, stores of gathered foodstuffs, and even a small fireplace.

As the summer passed, my skills and knowledge of the Osage County prairie and of survival grew. I learned to live off the land by hunting small game and deer and by gathering a wide variety of edible plants and nuts. I made clothes, bedding, and other useful things from deer hide and rabbit fur.

I lived a free life in the wilderness for more than a year with my pet, a peregrine falcon named Frightful, whom I had captured as a chick and hand-reared. My neighbors in the forest included the free-ranging musteline "Baron" Weasel, and a raccoon that I named Jessie Coon James.

Those were heady days, to be certain...

Not sure if it's a story about Jessie Coon James or being groomed by Bill the Molester. What's the rest of your story, Pete? It's been long enough, now, that you can relieve yourself of the burden you've been carrying for all, these miserable years. We are here for you.

[Pett]

My 1st wife (obviously the "ex"), when just out of high school, swerved to avoid a 'coon one night. Her car went off the road and rolled. She ended up breaking her back, pelvis and femur. She ended up in a coma, having a rod put in her femur and was on crutches for months. Almost killed her. I love that 'coon.

Are you sure that you are fully qualified to be giving a teen a ride to the football games?

[Thin Blue Line]

My 1st wife (obviously the "ex"), when just out of high school, swerved to avoid a 'coon one night. Her car went off the road and rolled. She ended up breaking her back, pelvis and femur. She ended up in a coma, having a rod put in her femur and was on crutches for months. Almost killed her. I love that 'coon.

Are you fully qualified to be giving a teen a ride to the football games?

I'm allowed to dislike my ex. She was driving, sir, not me. Didn't even know the c*nt, then.

[kst8cat]

Raccoons are mean, nasty, vicious creatures, and I like to pop a cap in 'em whenever I get a chance.  Those who view them as sweet, cuddly "pets" are f*cked in the head.

 

hey bro, enjoy getting your ass kicked inside out by me whenever we meet.  tia.

Alligator Eats Raccoon   

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRbwOEFYtmA&feature=related

[Thin Blue Line]

Raccoons are mean, nasty, vicious creatures, and I like to pop a cap in 'em whenever I get a chance.  Those who view them as sweet, cuddly "pets" are f*cked in the head.

 

hey bro, enjoy getting your ass kicked inside out by me whenever we meet.  tia.

Alligator Eats Raccoon   

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRbwOEFYtmA&feature=related

      

[Pett]

My 1st wife (obviously the "ex"), when just out of high school, swerved to avoid a 'coon one night. Her car went off the road and rolled. She ended up breaking her back, pelvis and femur. She ended up in a coma, having a rod put in her femur and was on crutches for months. Almost killed her. I love that 'coon.

Are you fully qualified to be giving a teen a ride to the football games?

I'm allowed to dislike my ex. She was driving, sir, not me. Didn't even know the c*nt, then.

Good point. Continue with the raccoon stories.

[Thin Blue Line]

My 1st wife (obviously the "ex"), when just out of high school, swerved to avoid a 'coon one night. Her car went off the road and rolled. She ended up breaking her back, pelvis and femur. She ended up in a coma, having a rod put in her femur and was on crutches for months. Almost killed her. I love that 'coon.

Are you fully qualified to be giving a teen a ride to the football games?

I'm allowed to dislike my ex. She was driving, sir, not me. Didn't even know the c*nt, then.

Good point. Continue with the raccoon stories.

I still love that raccoon.

[Pett]

Had a pet raccoon growing up.  It's mom died when it was a baby iirc and we just kept it.  Like, from age 4 to 9 or something.  Used to run after me when I went to get on the school bus and I'd have to hit the bus stairs at full speed and the driver slam the doors or he was going to school with me.  He would sometimes wash food in the dogs water dish.  He pretty much loved hotdogs more than any other food.  Strange dave family rule was no cats/dogs in the house but raccoons are allowed.  If you sat on the couch or a bench outside or something he would always crawl up on the back of it and rest his head on your shoulder.  Amazingly adorable.  Got hit by a truck while I was taking a nap one afternoon.  I cried like a 9 year old who's Raccoon had gotten hit by a truck.

Cutest story that I have ever heard. But please tell me that it was made up. Too sad of an ending.

[steve dave]

Had a pet raccoon growing up.  It's mom died when it was a baby iirc and we just kept it.  Like, from age 4 to 9 or something.  Used to run after me when I went to get on the school bus and I'd have to hit the bus stairs at full speed and the driver slam the doors or he was going to school with me.  He would sometimes wash food in the dogs water dish.  He pretty much loved hotdogs more than any other food.  Strange dave family rule was no cats/dogs in the house but raccoons are allowed.  If you sat on the couch or a bench outside or something he would always crawl up on the back of it and rest his head on your shoulder.  Amazingly adorable.  Got hit by a truck while I was taking a nap one afternoon.  I cried like a 9 year old who's Raccoon had gotten hit by a truck.

Cutest story that I have ever heard. But please tell me that it was made up. Too sad of an ending.

Nope, absolute fact.  I pretty much GRCOAT'd show and tell every year with him.

[Pett]

Had a pet raccoon growing up.  It's mom died when it was a baby iirc and we just kept it.  Like, from age 4 to 9 or something.  Used to run after me when I went to get on the school bus and I'd have to hit the bus stairs at full speed and the driver slam the doors or he was going to school with me.  He would sometimes wash food in the dogs water dish.  He pretty much loved hotdogs more than any other food.  Strange dave family rule was no cats/dogs in the house but raccoons are allowed.  If you sat on the couch or a bench outside or something he would always crawl up on the back of it and rest his head on your shoulder.  Amazingly adorable.  Got hit by a truck while I was taking a nap one afternoon.  I cried like a 9 year old who's Raccoon had gotten hit by a truck.

Cutest story that I have ever heard. But please tell me that it was made up. Too sad of an ending.

Nope, absolute fact.  I pretty much GRCOAT'd show and tell every year with him.

Well then why in the frack did you let something that sacred/cute run around your yard without any supervision?

[Pett]

Alligator Eats Raccoon   

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRbwOEFYtmA&feature=related

And it's raccoon stories, not videos, JERK!!!

[steve dave]

Had a pet raccoon growing up.  It's mom died when it was a baby iirc and we just kept it.  Like, from age 4 to 9 or something.  Used to run after me when I went to get on the school bus and I'd have to hit the bus stairs at full speed and the driver slam the doors or he was going to school with me.  He would sometimes wash food in the dogs water dish.  He pretty much loved hotdogs more than any other food.  Strange dave family rule was no cats/dogs in the house but raccoons are allowed.  If you sat on the couch or a bench outside or something he would always crawl up on the back of it and rest his head on your shoulder.  Amazingly adorable.  Got hit by a truck while I was taking a nap one afternoon.  I cried like a 9 year old who's Raccoon had gotten hit by a truck.

Cutest story that I have ever heard. But please tell me that it was made up. Too sad of an ending.

Nope, absolute fact.  I pretty much GRCOAT'd show and tell every year with him.

Well then why in the frack did you let something that sacred/cute run around your yard without any supervision?

 

[Pett]

Had a pet raccoon growing up.  It's mom died when it was a baby iirc and we just kept it.  Like, from age 4 to 9 or something.  Used to run after me when I went to get on the school bus and I'd have to hit the bus stairs at full speed and the driver slam the doors or he was going to school with me.  He would sometimes wash food in the dogs water dish.  He pretty much loved hotdogs more than any other food.  Strange dave family rule was no cats/dogs in the house but raccoons are allowed.  If you sat on the couch or a bench outside or something he would always crawl up on the back of it and rest his head on your shoulder.  Amazingly adorable.  Got hit by a truck while I was taking a nap one afternoon.  I cried like a 9 year old who's Raccoon had gotten hit by a truck.

Cutest story that I have ever heard. But please tell me that it was made up. Too sad of an ending.

Nope, absolute fact.  I pretty much GRCOAT'd show and tell every year with him.

Well then why in the frack did you let something that sacred/cute run around your yard without any supervision?

  

I know, we're in the same boat. It's gonna be ok.

[Pete]

Had a pet raccoon growing up.  It's mom died when it was a baby iirc and we just kept it.  Like, from age 4 to 9 or something.  Used to run after me when I went to get on the school bus and I'd have to hit the bus stairs at full speed and the driver slam the doors or he was going to school with me.  He would sometimes wash food in the dogs water dish.  He pretty much loved hotdogs more than any other food.  Strange dave family rule was no cats/dogs in the house but raccoons are allowed.  If you sat on the couch or a bench outside or something he would always crawl up on the back of it and rest his head on your shoulder.  Amazingly adorable.  Got hit by a truck while I was taking a nap one afternoon.  I cried like a 9 year old who's Raccoon had gotten hit by a truck.

Cutest story that I have ever heard. But please tell me that it was made up. Too sad of an ending.

Nope, absolute fact.  I pretty much GRCOAT'd show and tell every year with him.

Well then why in the frack did you let something that sacred/cute run around your yard without any supervision?

 

Don't beat yourself up dude.  You would have had to Old Yeller that raccoon sooner or later.  That truck probably saved one of your loved ones from contracting rabies.

(NOTE:  spell check may attempt to put in "rabbis" when you misspell rabies....these two words are not synonymous and will materially change the inferred meaning of your post).

[schreds21]

There is much more to this story but I'll ff to the end.  My brother had just finished the worst deer hunt of his life.  The story is long and absolutely hilarious.  Anyway, it is right at dark and as he reaches over the side of his truck to put his bow away, three coons go flying out of there, scaring the crap out of him.    :runaway:He had some corn and some apple syrup in the back that he had been using for bait.  The coons had got the lid off the syrup and broke open the bag of corn and it was all scattered in a big sticky corn mess in the bed of his truck.  He reached in the cab, grabbed his 45 and emptied it into the trees in the direction the coons had run.  Pretty sure he didn't hit a damn thing.   

Your bro sounds like a huge POS human. 

He also traps and used to hunt coons with dogs.  Pretty sure he probably got some of Blinky's relatives at one time or another.

[kst8cat]

Alligator Eats Raccoon  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRbwOEFYtmA&feature=related

And it's raccoon stories, not videos, JERK!!!

OK, fine.  Here's a story for you.  Ever tried to have a vegetable garden while living in the country?  I bet you haven't.  Very tough to do if you have coons around.  I've had entire patches of sweet corn decimated overnight.  Same with watermelons and cantaloupe.  

Also, if you ever want to store any grain on a truck for more than a day, you better make sure you park it in a building without any holes in it or else the coons will get in.  More than once we have had coons get in the machine shed and pig out in the back of the wheat truck, then take a gigantic dump on the hood of the truck.  And in many cases, several dumps in one night (not to mention knocking over all our tools in the process).    They will do the same thing to your combine as well if you park it outside.  Then we have had oats stored in the barn before, and they got in there and then crapped all over my sister's '67 Mustang.  I hate those nasty bastards!!!!!

[steve dave]

Alligator Eats Raccoon  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRbwOEFYtmA&feature=related

And it's raccoon stories, not videos, JERK!!!

OK, fine.  Here's a story for you.  Ever tried to have a vegetable garden while living in the country?  I bet you haven't.  Very tough to do if you have coons around.  I've had entire patches of sweet corn decimated overnight.  Same with watermelons and cantaloupe.  

Also, if you ever want to store any grain on a truck for more than a day, you better make sure you park it in a building without any holes in it or else the coons will get in.  More than once we have had coons get in the machine shed and pig out in the back of the wheat truck, then take a gigantic dump on the hood of the truck.  And in many cases, several dumps in one night (not to mention knocking over all our tools in the process).    They will do the same thing to your combine as well if you park it outside.  Then we have had oats stored in the barn before, and they got in there and then crapped all over my sister's '67 Mustang.  I hate those nasty bastards!!!!!

YES!  GO-RA-CO-ONS! Clap-clap-clapclapclap! GO-RA-CO-ONS! Clap-clap-clapclapclap!

[sys]

OK, fine.  Here's a story for you.  Ever tried to have a vegetable garden while living in the country?  I bet you haven't.  Very tough to do if you have coons around.  I've had entire patches of sweet corn decimated overnight.  Same with watermelons and cantaloupe.  

Also, if you ever want to store any grain on a truck for more than a day, you better make sure you park it in a building without any holes in it or else the coons will get in....  I hate those nasty bastards!!!!!

get a dog, dumbass.

[cyclist]

Alligator Eats Raccoon  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRbwOEFYtmA&feature=related

And it's raccoon stories, not videos, JERK!!!

OK, fine.  Here's a story for you.  Ever tried to have a vegetable garden while living in the country?  I bet you haven't.  Very tough to do if you have coons around.  I've had entire patches of sweet corn decimated overnight.  Same with watermelons and cantaloupe.  

Also, if you ever want to store any grain on a truck for more than a day, you better make sure you park it in a building without any holes in it or else the coons will get in.  More than once we have had coons get in the machine shed and pig out in the back of the wheat truck, then take a gigantic dump on the hood of the truck.  And in many cases, several dumps in one night (not to mention knocking over all our tools in the process).    They will do the same thing to your combine as well if you park it outside.  Then we have had oats stored in the barn before, and they got in there and then crapped all over my sister's '67 Mustang.  I hate those nasty bastards!!!!!

YES!  GO-RA-CO-ONS! Clap-clap-clapclapclap! GO-RA-CO-ONS! Clap-clap-clapclapclap!

New emoticon !

         

[Brock Landers]

any good stories with jessie, pete?  it'd be great to see someone take sd down a peg on raccoon stories.

You didn't like my story?  Just think about it for a while and you will see how amazing it is.

Your story started out awesome.  As I was reading it I thought you were going to say the group of raccooons you saw at your girlfriend's place was the same group of raccoons you had knocked out of the tree the day before, and they had staked her place out to deliver some vengeance.

Could have Hollywooded the ending a little more IMO, like maybe a ninja-style showdown featuring you encircled by raccooons with their tiny yet adorable fists of fury ready to deliver pain.