....Read this and take it to heart. I've posted this before in some buried thread, and I posted it on the boring old person board over at kstatefans.boring.com, but it bears repeating..........
All you people who are dreaming of going to the game in Lafayette on Saturday night, then going out and celebrating in New Orleans on Bourbon St. after the game, hear me now and believe me later. I'm going on my third year living in the blight known as the Pelican State, so pay attention.
New Orleans is 2 1/2 hours east of Lafayette (with Baton Rouge in between), and the K-State game starts at 6 pm. If anybody coming down is planning on going to New Orleans after the game Saturday night, you better change your plans and instead plan on going to New Orleans Friday night before the game. Especially because LSU, which is an hour east of Lafayette and right between Lafayette and New Orleans, has a game that night that happens to start (and will therefore let out)....an hour after KSU-LaLa, which is an hour away. i.e., Traffic from Baton Rouge will destroy any and all plans you had on getting to New Orleans.
So here's how it's going to go Saturday night if you're trying to get to New Orleans. Ready?
Noon to 6 in Lafayette: This tailgating is awesome! Mmmm, grilled crocodile eyeballs! Man. These people sure talk funny. I'm wasted, can't wait to party on Bourbon tonight!
6 to 9 or 9:30 pm: Game time, hoooo.
9:30 to 10:00 pm: Where did we leave our car? Oh, we found it. Hey NotreDameRulez, help me pack up all our tailgate ****. Slash, let's get OUT of this parking lot and onto the interstate, I wanna get to New Orleans!
11:15 pm: Yeah, SWEET, we're approaching Baton Rouge. FINALLY, that means we're nearing New Orleans, right? Because it's.....it's starting to get late, you guys. Did anybody else notice that it's already 11:15?
11:45 pm and only one mile past where you were at 11:15 pm: Why is this traffic in Baton Rouge so horrific? Oh wait, I think SkinnyBenny warned me of this. He told me that the LSU game -- which took place one hour east of Lafayette and on the way between us and New Orleans -- started one hour after the K-State game. ****. I forgot about that. But why is traffic so bad? I mean, it's not like Baton Rouge is now the biggest city in Louisiana population-wise but still with completely inadequate infrastructure....and it's not like Tiger Stadium just let out 92,000 people to make the problem even worse, right? Oh, wait, SkinnyBenny warned me of that.
Midnight: Hey, that Outback Steakhouse that we were talking about a half hour ago is now tiny in our rearview mirror! Sweet! Only 75 more miles to New Orleans!
1:15 am: Ahhhh, FINALLY. I see the Superdome! Awesome, we're close. How much further to the French Quarter?
2:00 am: God, that took forever to find a parking space. LET'S GO PARTY ALREADY.
3:00 am: We FINALLY made it to Bourbon, but where are all the other EMAWs? We've been looking everywhere and none of them are answering their phones. Oh, they're old, they went back to their hotels. **** it, I guess let's just head back to our hotel and go to sleep. Super glad we paid $200 for this Saturday night hotel in the French Quarter. Bummer we have to check out in 8 hours, this place would've been pretty nice.
3:01 am: Brush teeth, unless you're Rick Daris, in which case you just swig with some PBR and call it good.
3:02 - 3:16 am: FelixRex quietly wanks off and hopes it doesn't wake up/arouse Steve Dave.
3:17 am: Everybody falls asleep and wishes they'd heeded SkinnyBenny's advice and come to New Orleans on Friday night instead.
Seriously. Traffic in Baton Rouge is beyond horrendous. If you want to party in New Orleans on Saturday night after the game, I suggest you do three things:
1.) Suck it for not heeding my advice. I know what I'm talking about, and you deserve the traffic you're sitting in for not listening to me.
ii.) Look at a map and pinpoint the locations of Lafayette, Baton Rouge, and New Orleans to further prove that I know what I'm talking about
C.) Finally decide I'm right, then change your plans and party in New Orleans Friday night instead.
