I've always been a sucker for Buy One Get One Free promotions. It was while shopping at my local Tescos that I was enticed in to purchasing two 400 gram cans of Heinz Macaroni Cheese, lured by the prospect of getting something for nothing.
I've never bought tinned macaroni cheese before, always believing that most tinned products are inferior to their fresh counterparts. What swayed it, though, was the fact that it was a Heinz product, a brand that, to me, says Quality with a capital Q. They convinced me with the message on the can, which reads, "We've worked hard to improve our Macaroni Cheese and believe the recipe is better than ever! It tastes so cheesy, it is hard to believe that it is low in fat." Beat that for a rollickingly good sales pitch! Two cans were duly lobbed in to my shopping trolley and I resumed shopping, satisfied that I was getting a bargain and, furthermore, that I was buying something for the children that would, when required, be quick and easy to prepare.
So, what about this product?
The 400 gram can of Macaroni Cheese is currently selling in most stores for 89 pence. The can has a ring pull at the top, making it easy to open. On the label Heinz claim that it is "Now Low In Fat" and having a "Great New Taste". The tin label itself is yellow, with the distinctive Heinz logo in green. To the bottom right of the logo is displayed a small pile of macaroni while lurking on the left are three pieces of cheese. Round the other side of the can is that sales pitch, under which reside the cooking instructions, ingredients and nutritional information. The ingredients are as follows:
Macaroni (39%), Water, Skimmed Milk, Cheddar Cheese (3%), Corn flour, Reduced Fat Cheese (2%), Flavourings, Modified Corn flour, Vegetable Oil, Mustard, Salt, Stabiliser - Polyphosphates and Sodium Phosphates, Sugar, Colour - Beta-carotene. The macaroni contains water and durum wheat semolina.
The label claims that the product is suitable for vegetarians, has no artificial colours, flavours or preservatives and that one serving (200 grams) contains 1.4 grams of an adult's recommended daily salt intake of 6 grams.
To cook on the hob the label advises that the contents should be emptied in to a saucepan and stirred gently while heating, taking care not to boil or overcook "as this will impair the flavour". To microwave the label suggests heating on full power for 90 seconds, stirring, and then heating again for a further minute.
All well and good but what does it look, smell and taste like? I found out when I cooked half a can for my two-year-old daughter one lunchtime. I opened the can and half tipped it over the saucepan thereby minimising any spillage. Nothing happened. I tipped the can further. Nothing happened. I then tipped the can fully upside down over the saucepan. Still nothing happened. After I'd thumped the bottom of the can a few times a pale yellow glutinous substance reluctantly appeared. After a few more whacks this substance fell in to the saucepan, hitting the bottom with a soft but heavy splurch that rang with flat finality.
I looked at it dubiously. It looked like a lot of moist macaroni in a thick pallid jelly and there seemed to be no smell to it. I turned on the heat and started to cook it, slowly stirring as instructed. As the substance began to get hotter so it became less congealed, and started to look appetising. Alas, it was around this point that a pungent aroma began to assail my nostrils, one that had me almost gagging. I suppose it was a cheesy smell of sorts, but only the sort of smell associated with the processed cheese that you find in the cheeseburgers served up in football grounds. It was over powering. It was horrible.
When it was fully heated I poured some of the contents of the saucepan in to a small bowl and served it up to Emily. She took one mouthful and spat it out, shuddering. Despite my best attempts to persuade her she was adamant that not another mouthful would pass her lips. After making her a sandwich, I reheated what was left in the saucepan and, not liking to see good food go to waste, served it up for myself. About three mouthfuls were all I could manage, it was that disgusting. The macaroni itself was fine, it's texture being moist, soft but not rubbery or slimy. What killed it for me though was the sauce. It tasted like nothing on earth, thick and sickly, bland yet rich. Cheesy? The taste reminded me of the type of cheese found in someone's shoe. It went straight in to the bin. I had to make myself a drink to get rid of the taste left in my mouth. I still had half a can left and at teatime tried to palm it off on to my youngest son but after a few mouthfuls he decided that he didn't like the stuff either.
As a quick, filling, nutritious meal, Heinz's Macaroni Cheese probably fills a gap. By saying that it's taste was appalling I'm only going by what my taste senses told me, but I think that it would really need to be eaten with vegetables or other flavourings to be palatable. However, I will not be putting that theory to the test. My senses won't allow it.
