Dear Mark Janssen, Ned Seaton, bastards, etc.:
How dare anyone comment on how the KSU women's basketball team is unattractive. My God they are stunning in HD. Since moving here six years ago, my wife and I have had an unhealthy devotion to women's basketball. These girls are wholesome, gorgeous, and the best at everything. So for people to criticize their hotness or suggest that they're not all crazy Christians like everyone else in this town is wrong. If my wife didn't threaten to divorce me every fall, I would for sure rape one of these girls. Not only is the team the best in the country at academics and the things that really matter, it's tough to imagine how great they look in the showers—the sky is the limit. For people to continue to impugn this team even as they get stomped by Vanderbilt is disgusting. I, for one, thought the citizens of this community would have at least had the decency to stop saying such hateful things after our 59-50 win over those Godless whores at ku.
Praise be to Jesus and GTFO my face with that naughty talk,
Holy Holman, President, Patterson's Pussies fan club