As I embark upon the winding road of procrastination in favor of inconsequential irreverence in the form of posting this nonsense, my thoughts once again turn to my dork. While firmly tucked away beneath a protective layering of GAP boxers and some appropriately long/thick athletic shorts, the presence of seedy characters, horny weirdos and purposeless hicks in Hale Library during this Spring Finals Week of 2008 has given me (and my dork) pause.
What
is that strangely familiar aroma emanating from the trash can o'er yonder?!
Why does that one guy keep going to the bathroom every hour for 10 minutes after suspiciously carrying his laptop under his arm?!
These questions are colored (white?) by the knowledge that I have indulged in such unspeakable sin in such a place as the 3rd floor handy-man stall at some ungodly hour in the middle of memorizing the final Russian tsars: Alexander I, Nicholas I, Alexander II, Alexander III, Nicholas II (last tsar) while simultaneously attempting to mentally retrace the steps, that some years prior, had lead the the disrobing of a girl in my friend's basement and the subsequent load of my loin being blown across her (with consent!).
While I must admit that my thoughts were less than sequential and lingered on the part where our privates were exposed (instead of say, how the door was opened), I was able to form a highlight reel. It is one of the best I have and it replays whenever I see some despicable little taint pulled by the throbbing bulge in his running shorts in to the nearest rest room to pound his meat with a focus that has been sorely lacking in his study habits.
As I have matured, my dork is no longer the sole arbiter of my decisions and it has been suppressed. Now? I just fire up my Red Bull IV and hit the boards to waste away the hours that explain the sizable gulf between 3 and 4 that appears on my transcript. That and eat
. I eat a lot too (still well under 2 bills you a-holes!
)
