I have not posted here in a while and find it is now very difficult to do so, but I have persevered in order to discuss the coming season with my Jayhawk neighbors and old friends at phog.net...
With the Big 12 media days going on currently, many people are extremely excited about predicting how well their favorite college football team will do this coming fall. Throughout the Big 12 North, there are varied methods of doing so from the Nebraska technique of asking literate people what they have read in the Farmer’s Almanac to the Iowans use of an alphabetical order prediction. Some say Jayhawk fans even read the remaining bones of a Mangino devoured KFC bucket to foretell the future. Scary! The best approach, though, is clearly the KSU fans logical, reasoned, and thorough study of a team’s strengths and weaknesses. Much as the KSU football program has blessed the Big 12 North with a premier program to associate with and emulate, I shall bless you with an updated ranking for 2007. Enjoy and EMAW!
1. KSU. Most knowledgeable experts agree that the Wildcats are poised for greatness heading into their second season under legendary mastermind, Coach Ron Prince. With a year of recruiting more superior athletes for his innovative attacking system, opponents are more apt to be intimidated and outmatched, the fortunate KSU fan is going to be that much more enthusiastic and supporting, and attractive ladies throughout the land just that much more impressed. Recent media articles tell of the amazing Josh Freeman gaining an additional 20 pounds of muscle mass that will only add to his passing velocity and accuracy which pretty much already blew the conference away last year. These articles also tell of experience gained and leadership skills honed. Outstanding! Teams playing against KSU this year will be like Lord Voldemort going up against Harry Potter in the Goblet of Fire as opposed to the Deathly Hallows version that’s more powerful and better with spell casting and such (**no spoilers here, please**). Needless to say, crushing will ensue. KSU is clearly an obvious division winner. Interesting Note: Coach Ron Prince has a wonderful smile that brightens any room he enters – a recruiting weapon well put to use.
2. Missouri. People from Missouri rarely have anything to cheer about. The toxic fumes from their numerous swamps and garbage fires block out the sun, leaving an ugly land over-run by possums, turtles, and poverty stricken fat women. This year spells an all too brief reprieve from that gloom as they achieve the not too shabby honor of finishing a distant second to KSU. Some foolish folks think Chase Daniels can be an all-conference pick, but they forget he is very short and does not have a rocket arm or the swift feet of an alert antelope like Josh Freeman. His lack of superlatives won’t entirely preclude him to a few decent plays here and there. Interesting note: Missouri’s marching band is pretty terrible.
3. Colorado. It’s a good thing that the people of Colorado do not care about football because they would otherwise be embarrassed by their team. Their coach is a spaz, but perhaps his son will provide the QB presence so sorely lacking last season? Did you now that Freeman was 22-26 with 2 TD’s at CU last year and he wasn’t even having a good day? What a player! Interesting note: While former Coach Bill McCartney’s daughter had adult relations with many players, it is not believed that Coach Hawkins’ son has the same arrangement.
4. Nebraska. The fall continues for a long dormant Husker program. This team loses its top offensive and defensive players from last season and is as sloppy in its play as is a hill troll eating its bone gruel. This program will not recover from losing Josh Freeman for at least a decade. In that decade’s time perhaps the state of Nebraska will get connected to the world wide web and see the advent of light beer to the benefit of the many portly natives? Interesting note: Nebraska’s AD approached Ron Prince this off-season about coaching the Huskers for $4 million a year. He got a punch in the stomach for his response. EMAW!
5. Iowa State. Little is known of the new mystery coach in Ames these days other than he has many untalented players on his roster. Some say that Brett Meyer is the poor man’s Josh Freeman because he supposedly can run and pass too. “Poor” is too kind. Perhaps he is the untouchable caste’s version? Needless to say, wins will be as scarce as Truman scholars at Iowa State (KSU leads all public universities in producing Trumans scholars). Interesting note: My cousin, Grogan, (named after KSU legend Steve Grogan) bought a used Ford from former coach Dan McCarney two weeks ago.
6. ku. Once again, the Jayhawks embarrass the great state of Kansas with a football team that is ridiculed and insulted by most knowledgeable football experts for its complete lack of talent, heart, desire, mastermind schemes, stunning football uniforms, and inspiring mascot. It is indeed the bizzaro KSU. ku lost its only offensive option when Jon Cornish was deported back to Canada. Unfortunately, another miserable year will probably mean an end to the tenure of the traitorous Mark Mangino and the resulting precipitous drop in Food 4 Less stock. Interesting note: There is nothing interesting about bland Jayhawk brand football.
EMAW!
The first 10 replies were telling him to fix his formatting.
The following 2 were still about formatting.
The following 1 was a ban request.
The following was a KSU fans have no teeth comment.
The following was another ban request.
The following 3 were sock/drug/hick comments.
Not one reply arguing with anything SPC said though.
Quality of posts on Phog's Gridiron board
Quality of posts once a year when SPC shows his paws
