And that's is totally awesome, and definitely glad that is the path forward. I am very, amazingly happy you are doing something that works for you.
I just think, at least now for me, my issues stem not from booze, as there are other bad habits (and some not as bad, just poor self management/coping) that I just, right now, don't think AA would work (for me).
Booze has been something to cope for sure, and I don't want it to be that, but the root of the problem IMO stems elsewhere. To pull the curtain back and alluded to in my previous post is a lot of pent up issues with work. It's obviously in terms of scale no where close but if you happen to have watched Chernobyl I went through a catastrophic failure (also during at test!, Though obviously and admittedly much smaller, less dangerous, and not as serious of an event) at a site that basically consumed 9 months of my life, and was predated with a further 5 months before that of issues that while didn't directly cause the problem, were very emblematic of the cause of the problem, namely incompetency, lack of understanding, and egos. Chernobyl actually came out during the 9 month rebuild and it struck me (and still does recently rewatching it more recently) just how similar dealing with a crisis it was.
Once again, not as terrible or terrifying, but still traumatic. I was put in a position not unlike the operators, and/or the scientists in that crisis, and it just was beyond stressful and made even worse knowing that the cause of the problem had alarm bells sounded by myself and others trying to make things not be that way, and then it happened. Everyone knew something was going to happen, then it did. It was disheartening, unfair, and frustrating. Make even worse that the main person that was the cause of the problem was allowed to leave, and me and others had to stay and clean up the mess.
Book end that with barely 6 months after returning home from that ordeal you get thrown through the chaos and panic of the pandemic, the reduction workforce and having to cover for all of that, I never really got time to process what I went through, and now I am working on the next plant that is very similar to the one I was out, very much in an attempt to prevent that from happening again, to prove to myself we can learn from our mistakes, but that pressure is building, and that anxiety is ever present.
You may ask, why stay here, why keep suffering in this job? Why keep working? The fact is for me, it would be worse to tuck tail and run, instead of actually doing what is right. It would be far worse at this point to avoid get away from it, than to face it. I want to prove to myself we (and I) can do this right, and not have idiots trash good work. I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm foolish, but that's where I am hoping to get out of therapy, determining that, and also in general, learning to better deal with stress.
