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chum1's dumb job stories

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chum1:
Owner/CEO: Former D1 basketball player. Mostly just wants to glorify Jesus Christ.HRP (HR Principal): Became President/COO 2.5 years after hire. Once got pretty drunk and pretty flirty at happy hour along with chum1.D2 (dude#2): On chum1's team. Old software guru. My former boss's (D1) former boss and former VP of Operations. Fell out of favor. Fought like hell to avoid reporting to GG. Technically reported to GG for a little while until no one did. Apparently, sent a t-shirt that says "Professional Miracle Worker" to himself and tried to pass it off as though someone else sent it to him.GG (German girl): On chum1's team. New software guru. D2 was her boss's boss until D2 fell out of favor. Then, she was D2 and chum1's boss. Then, she was no one's boss. Once underhandedly stole a childcare spot from FG.chum1: Narrator. Constantly confused and surprised by literally everything.FG (Finance girl): On Finance team. Buds with chum1. Sometimes seems to maybe have a thing for chum1. Pretty much entire office thought she and chum1 were probably doing it. Husband at the time got busted for trying to have sex with an underage minor he met online.NG1 (New girl 1): On chum1's team. In therapy.NG2 (New girl 2): On chum1's team. Annoying.Cake lady: On an operations team. Likes to call chum1 'trouble' and giggle at things he says.OFG (Old football guy): Was VP of Operations for a little while, then moved to Sales. No one noticed that Phil Simms liked his social media post.YBG (Young basketball girl): Worked her way up to EVP, Operations. Was Owner/CEO's neighbor and babysitter as a girl. Played on a national champion DII basketball team. Impossibly nice person. Once had to go to Roy's strip club on business.Roy: Owner. Old. Also owns some hotels, restaurants, bars, a strip club, and an airplane hangar. Constantly watches live surveillance camera feeds from his properties on his phone.D1: Hired chum1. Left company shortly thereafter, but does exact same work as an independent contractor. Work BFFs with D2.

chum1:

--- Quote from: chum1 on October 30, 2015, 01:29:47 PM ---Halloween costume day! This may be the nerdiest costume I've ever seen. This guy has a shark's head coming out of the front of his shirt with fake blood and all and he has a toy chainsaw as a prop. Sharknado, right? But GET THIS. He also has, hanging from around his neck, a photo of himself talking to Ian Ziering at a comic book convention in front of a Sharknado backdrop. Haha.

The photo is terrible, too, because he didn't buy the official $100 promo photo, but had someone else take it from a distance on their phone. You can't even see his face in it - just the back of his head.

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--- Quote from: chum1 on March 28, 2016, 12:29:10 PM ---My office is possibly elite because it is so damn non-elite. Casual dress, come and go as you please, not really sure who your boss is or if you even have one, no performance reviews, never repercussions for anything you say no matter how inappropriate, the junkiest of junk food provided at least every other week super crazy coworkers. It's so weird.

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chum1:

--- Quote from: chum1 on April 01, 2016, 11:24:52 AM ---
--- Quote from: chum1 on March 28, 2016, 12:29:10 PM ---My office is possibly elite because it is so damn non-elite. Casual dress, come and go as you please, not really sure who your boss is or if you even have one, no performance reviews, never repercussions for anything you say no matter how inappropriate, the junkiest of junk food provided at least every other week super crazy coworkers. It's so weird.

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Actually, I'd forgotten that this has been falsified. It's nearly true. But there once was a guy who was yelling/f-bombing within earshot of the lobby where one of the company owners, who is rarely in town, just happened to be hosting some potential clients. It was like the perfect storm for what would have to happen for someone to get fired around here.  And the owner did indeed fire him immediately.

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chum1:

--- Quote from: chum1 on April 01, 2016, 11:49:45 AM ---I work with so many crazy people that I never even know where to begin in the co-worker thread.

When I first met the guy who got fired, though, he was standing at his desk chugging water straight out of a gallon sized milk carton. Like, he just held it in one hand like it was a coffee mug. He was basically a body builder. Big muscles. He put the water down on his desk, said "wusup", shook hands, and then went directly back to chugging.

The second time I saw him was on Friday of that week. He was out in back of the building, standing behind this enormous grill loaded with burgers and brats and dancing to whatever music he had on. He was occasionally calling for someone to throw a football to him and then he'd throw it back really high and far. He was wearing shorts and flip-flops and these gigantic sunglass that weren't ski goggles, but the lens in them was like the size of the lens in ski goggles. I later learned that they were several hundred dollars and Italian.

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chum1:

--- Quote from: chum1 on April 01, 2016, 12:00:33 PM ---
--- Quote from: Skipper44 on April 01, 2016, 11:58:32 AM ---how tall is the chugger?  I am picturing him at about 5-9

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That's about right. Dark faux hawk included.

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--- Quote from: chum1 on April 01, 2016, 12:06:17 PM ---He was like 27 and dating an older woman. A woman who is like seventeen years his senior. A woman who also happened to work in our office.

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