An Arkansas fan walks into a bar and the bartender notices that this guy's head is actually half of a giant orange.
The bartender exclaims, "Good God man, your head is half of an orange!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, trust me I know all about it. Pour me some Old Crow and I'll tell you how it happened."
After he takes a sip of the brown firey liquid, the Arkansas fan exhales and begins his tale.
"My parents were both archaeologists, professors at the University of Arkansas in fact! Of course this means that they travelled around the world exploring ruins and trekking deep in to the jungles of the Amazon. One day, when I was 13 they left for Myanmar to study the Pyu culture. Little did I know that day that I would never see them again.....thanks for the refill....anyway two years passed and not word came back. They were declared legally dead and I moved in with my grandfather Jacob. Just as I was starting to get beyond this tragedy and package shows up on the doorstep, its covered in duty stickers and markings from all over the world. Beat up like hell too. Well I open the box and lo and behold it's from mum and dad! Nothing sentimental, just an oil lamp and note that read 'To Our Darling Son, Use This Well'. So I pull out the lamp and jokingly give it a bit of a run and WHOOSH out pops this little blue genie."
"No way", snorted the bartender.
"Just listen. So the genie he says he will grant me three wishes, any three wishes I want. For my first wish I asked for there to always be $500 in my wallet."
"Bullshit!"
"Oh yeah, check this out", so the Arkansas fan proceeded to pull out an old tattered wallet, opened it wide in front of the bartender and pulled out 5 hundred dollar bills from inside. As soon as he slapped them on the bar, a quick flash of blue light occurred from the wallet and it was filled with 5 new bills.
"Holy crap!"
"Yeah, I know. I just told you I was granted that wish by a genie. Can I continue?"
"Of course" said the bartender in awe as he poured the Arkansas fan another drink.
"For my second wish I wanted Arkansas to have a world class track and field team."
The bartender gives out a low whistle and says, "Wow, enough said" and he pointed to the wall that had signed posters from all of the national championship winning track teams.
"Indeed."
At this point the bartender leans in closer and in a hushed tone asks, "So...for the last wish...is that how your orange, I mean you head..."
The Arkansas fan gave a sagacious nod and pushed his glass out for another belt of whiskey.
"So what happened?", the bartender asks with wide eyes glued to the orange-headed Arkansas fan.
"Well, for my third wish", he whispers, "I asked asked for...and this is where I might have screwed up....I wished...well...I wished that half of my head was a giant orange".
