this is a thread for mind-bottling customer interactions

[AST]

TelaFlora is the absolute worst.  If you want flowers delivered, do not use them.  I had an existential crisis dealing with them last Valentine's Day.  It was so bad that I made a formal complaint to the Better Business Bureau and requested a handwritten apology.

you are doing this so wrong

Explain.

is about mind-bottling customers, but whatev's, just busting chops

[sys]

hey ast, can you diagnose my pool via messageboard for free?

[AST]

hey ast, can you diagnose my pool via messageboard for free?

i probably can, step 1, is it full of water?

if not, there's your problem

[sys]

it is full of water!  i would like it to pump itself as well or better than it does now, but without using so much electricity.  is it just unmotivated?

[AST]

it is full of water!  i would like it to pump itself as well or better than it does now, but without using so much electricity.  is it just unmotivated?

pentai intelliflo vs or intelliflo vs+svrs.  works seemlessly with existing pentair automation systems and can also operate as a stand alone computer if your equipment is streamlined.  has a built in freeze-protection that engages the motor drive when temperature gets too low and is highly programmable.  i usually program them to pull about 500 W vs a 2.0 hp moter that pulls around 1.4 kW.  conservatively will reduce your pool electrical usage by 50% while boasting round the clock filtration plus increasing your pool filter life.  manufacturer claims 75% reduction.

[AST]

also, check your filter pressure, if it is too high, backwash or perform a filter clean.  if is too low, you have an obstruction in either your pump or suction lines.  this will help pump performance but will do nothing to help with electrical costs.

[Stevesie60]

Hey buddy, you know how to make a ninja turtle shot?
Yeah.
Can I get one of those, but as a drink?
Yeah, I can do that.
Hey man, can you make it...you know, extra stout for me?
Well it's made up of a bunch of fruity liqueurs, so there's not going to be much alcohol in there no matter what.
......I trust you.
*I make it just like I normally would*
Yeah man, that's what I'm talking about. I can tell you're a good bartender.

[Tobias]

Hey buddy, you know how to make a ninja turtle shot?
Yeah.
Can I get one of those, but as a drink?
Yeah, I can do that.
Hey man, can you make it...you know, extra stout for me?
Well it's made up of a bunch of fruity liqueurs, so there's not going to be much alcohol in there no matter what.
......I trust you.
*I make it just like I normally would*
Yeah man, that's what I'm talking about. I can tell you're a good bartender.

i read this whole customer interaction in "pissclams" voice and i think it works

[Stevesie60]

Hey buddy, you know how to make a ninja turtle shot?
Yeah.
Can I get one of those, but as a drink?
Yeah, I can do that.
Hey man, can you make it...you know, extra stout for me?
Well it's made up of a bunch of fruity liqueurs, so there's not going to be much alcohol in there no matter what.
......I trust you.
*I make it just like I normally would*
Yeah man, that's what I'm talking about. I can tell you're a good bartender.

i read this whole customer interaction in "pissclams" voice and i think it works

Hey buddy, you got any good sig cocks?
Yeah, I've made up a #life shot.
Can I get one of those, but as a drink?
Yeah, I can do that.
Hey man, can you make it...you know, extra stout for me?
Well it's made up of a bunch of vodkas, so it's already made up completely of high percentage vodkas.
......I trust you.
*I make it just like I normally would*
Yeah man, that's a great sig male genitals. I can tell you're a good bartender.

[sys]

is it hard to change a pump?  i'm not very smart with machines.  the filter cleaning part.  is there something i open and then dump out or replace?

so this one?

http://www.poolcleaningparts.com/pentair-intelliflo-011018-vs-variable-speed-pump.html?___store=default

or this one?  what does the 2nd one do $300 better than the 1st?

http://www.poolcleaningparts.com/intelliflo-vs-svrs-variable-speed-energy-saving-pump.html?___store=default

[star seed 7]

I don't think the last line in either interaction happened.

[michigancat]

some of you people don't sound like you have a customer first mindset.

[Emo EMAW]

is it hard to change a pump?  i'm not very smart with machines.  the filter cleaning part.  is there something i open and then dump out or replace?

so this one?

http://www.poolcleaningparts.com/pentair-intelliflo-011018-vs-variable-speed-pump.html?___store=default

or this one?  what does the 2nd one do $300 better than the 1st?

http://www.poolcleaningparts.com/intelliflo-vs-svrs-variable-speed-energy-saving-pump.html?___store=default

Keep in mind over the lifetime of a pump 5% is spent on initial purchase, 10% spent on servicing over the life, and 85% spent on electricity. 

[sys]

i meant $200 better.  goddamnit, emo.

[Emo EMAW]

Like I didn't click the links and do any math or anything but the point was apples to apples efficiency gains is worth spending money on. 

[420seriouscat69]

I'm so confused what SYS and Emo do off their customer interactions in this thread. 

[Trim]

Hey buddy, you know how to make a ninja turtle shot?
Yeah.
Can I get one of those, but as a drink?
Yeah, I can do that.
Hey man, can you make it...you know, extra stout for me?
Well it's made up of a bunch of fruity liqueurs, so there's not going to be much alcohol in there no matter what.
......I trust you.
*I make it just like I normally would*
Yeah man, that's what I'm talking about. I can tell you're a good bartender.

i read this whole customer interaction in "pissclams" voice and i think it works

Hey buddy, you got any good sig cocks?
Yeah, I've made up a #life shot.
Can I get one of those, but as a drink?
Yeah, I can do that.
Hey man, can you make it...you know, extra stout for me?
Well it's made up of a bunch of vodkas, so it's already made up completely of high percentage vodkas.
......I trust you.
*I make it just like I normally would*
Yeah man, that's a great sig male genitals. I can tell you're a good bartender.

It'd be, "Hey man, what's your sig male genitals?"

[AST]

is it hard to change a pump?  i'm not very smart with machines.  the filter cleaning part.  is there something i open and then dump out or replace?

so this one?

http://www.poolcleaningparts.com/pentair-intelliflo-011018-vs-variable-speed-pump.html?___store=default

or this one?  what does the 2nd one do $300 better than the 1st?

http://www.poolcleaningparts.com/intelliflo-vs-svrs-variable-speed-energy-saving-pump.html?___store=default

wow sys, those are all great questions.  let's address them one at a time.

can you change the pump?

i would recommend that you would have a licensed professional do this as your area might have specific plumbing and electrical codes that must be met but we will go through the skills needed to complete this job and you can decide.
a.  can you replace an existing light switch in your house without either dying or burning your house down?  if the answer is yes, you can mark off one skill needed.  keep in mind you have to determine whether your existing pump is wired 110 or 240 VAC and wire your new pump accordingly or make the required electrical changes to switch from one to the other on the existing electrical circuit that it occupies
b.  can you plumb pvc pipe and do you have the required minimum sch40 material to do the job (also, i would highly recommend sch80 fittings on the pump inlet & outlet or heat resistant couplers)?  if the answer is yes, you can mark off another skill needed.  keep in mind that you may be plumbing with flooded or elevated suction and will need the proper tools and materials to complete this job if necessary
c.  can you easily navigate and program a smartphone or computer?  if the answer is yes, you can mark off the last skill needed. 

the filter cleaning part.  is there something i open and then dump out or replace?

i would prefer to answer this question in a bit, after you provide me with more information.  what style of filter do you currently use?  is it a sand, cartridge or diatomaceous earth filter?

what does the 2nd one do $300 better than the 1st?

let's see here, do you want pump protection or better pump protection because that is what this boils down to as they are both great pumps.
both pumps offer
a. thermal overload protection
b. under & over voltage protection
c. freeze protection
d. variable speed programming
the VS-SVRS offers
a. a safety vacuum release system

what does this mean?  it means that the pump is fully compliant with the virginia graeme baker pool and spa safety act which eliminates the need to bring your pool drains to compliance.  it also means that anytime there is a drain or skimmer obstruction the pump will shut off.  so if little jimmy is diving for pennies and gets stuck to the main drain, boom, pump shuts off, releasing jimmy from the bottom and he can dive for pennies another day. 

so basically the SVRS gives you 2 things.  most importantly, piece of mind.  can you put a price tag on piece of mind sys?  i would think that price tag would be way more than $200 if you could but yet you get it for only $200.  secondly, it gives you compliance, so you have that going for you as well.

i really hope this helps!

[Asteriskhead]

I had a Junction City resident threaten to drive to Manhattan and blow me up with a grenade. That was a fun discussion.

[0.42]

a.tramp. Thoughts on short-term mortgage rates?

[AST]

I had a Junction City resident threaten to drive to Manhattan and blow me up with a grenade. That was a fun discussion.

that customer sounds unreasonable    was he being unreasonable or did you do something to deserve this level of reciprocity

[AST]

a.tramp. Thoughts on short-term mortgage rates?

mortgage rates are still near all time lows.  go long term, make additional monthly payments and sock some money away in gold and tin foil.  greed and crazy are always in demand.

[puniraptor]

Diatomaceous Earf!!!

[sys]

a.  can you replace an existing light switch in your house without either dying or burning your house down?

yes!   

b.  can you plumb pvc pipe and do you have the required minimum sch40 material to do the job (also, i would highly recommend sch80 fittings on the pump inlet & outlet or heat resistant couplers)?  if the answer is yes, you can mark off another skill needed.  keep in mind that you may be plumbing with flooded or elevated suction and will need the proper tools and materials to complete this job if necessary.

maybe.     never have, but it sounds like something i could do unless it was flooded or suctiony, in which case i would have to give up.

c.  can you easily navigate and program a smartphone or computer?

no.     it sounds like i'm going to have to either hire a licensed professional or an illegal immigrant to do this part.

i would prefer to answer this question in a bit, after you provide me with more information.  what style of filter do you currently use?  is it a sand, cartridge or diatomaceous earth filter?

i'll have to answer this later as well, after i go home and look at it and then google the name of it or take a photo and post it here for you to identify.

a safety vacuum release system

sounds like i can go with the cheaper one then.  no little jimmies and i don't even think the drain works.

[0.42]

a.tramp. Thoughts on short-term mortgage rates?

mortgage rates are still near all time lows.  go long term, make additional monthly payments and sock some money away in gold and tin foil.  greed and crazy are always in demand.

@steve dave