Bullies, Bullying, and the Bullied

[WildcatNkilt]

I thought this subject needed its own thread.  If there is one out there please merge. 

Were you picked on as a kid (or now)?  Were you the bully?

Hot topic in our culture today.  You see news about kids committing suicide from getting heckled or bullied online, in class, etc.  Bullying awareness has seemed to grow in the past few years with shows like Glee bringing high attention to the subject.  Kevin Keitzman was bullied at his workplace, Incognito was being a bully at his workplace.

What are everyone's thoughts on the subject?

I saw this FB status on my feed yesterday:

So tired of hearing about bulleying and this whole deal with Jonathan martin your a grown man stand up and deal with it like a man!!! And as far as bullying is concerned as awhole just makes me think about how soft americans are nowadays just like warm butter...what ever happened to standing up for yourself and making a stand if you get your ass kick you get it kicked but at least your making a stand...if this offends anyone delete me but its embarrassing that kids can't stand up for themselves nowadays and how our society just wants to sit there and make excuse after excuse. Parents teach your children to stand up for themselves....thank you and have a great day

How far is too far?  How do we teach the new generation to stand up for themselves and others when it has gone too far?  How do we as adults intervene when we see it at work or as a teacher?  How do we ensure the environment provides a safe haven for those to go when they need to report a bully?

Some of the responses to that FB status were mixed:

And people wonder why me and my daughter play fight! Always saying she is a girl she don't need to do that. Well she is a girl and she will stand up for herself when that day comes

The problem with kids who bully is that it's learned behavior for the most part- the parents encourage it. It's sad and an excellent example of bad parenting. Victims are also taught to be victims- I wasn't ever in a position to really need to stand up to a bully but I was taught to be a hard target. Which is what I'll teach my son along with self defense.

I agree that parents should teach their kids to stand up for themselves, but I also think the same needs to be said about teaching your children to care about others and treat others with respect.

Thoughts on the subject?

[Dugout DickStone]

Some of the biggest wimps in the world pretend they would fight anyone who crossed them because they stand up for themselves and they love to say if they got beat up, so be it.

they are generally liars trying to sound tough.

[steve dave]

I was never really exposed to bullying growing up. I mean, I was, but not to the degree you hear stories about. I never saw anyone do anything extreme and really only witnessed someone cry from being bullied once or twice and that was at a really young age. by the time I was in high school it was pretty non-existant. I think growing up in a very small town sheltered me from a lot of stuff like that. it makes me sad to think about though.

[Mikeyis4dcats]

it's a double-edged sword.

If you teach your kids to stand up for themselves, then they potentially get kicked out of school for doing so.   But if you teach them to take it and report it, then they get that mentality and can be seen as tattletales.   Part of the reason it has worsened is that kids can't get away from it.   When i was a kid, if you were getting picked on, you could usually just avoid them, now with social media, etc. there are whole new avenues for bullying.   And unlike when I was a kid and someone called you fat, it was said and then gone.   Now, if someone posts about a kid it's there for all to see unless deleted.

There are certainly inarguable results from being bullied, and that is a problem.  Not sure what the solution is.

[lopakman]

Never really been bullied cause you know 6 ft 4 inches 225 pounds of solid steel, but we raise our children to respect others and bullying is not tolerated in our household.  We also expect that if our kids notice someone else being bullied to not ignore it.  Either report it to a teacher or be willing to stand up for someone who has trouble standing up for themselves.  My  anyway.

[OK_Cat]

kids that are bullies are just the rough ridin' worst.  i was never bullied as a kid, but i knew of kids who were and are pretty messed up now because of it. 

now with everyone more publicly announcing their stance on gays, it is getting worse.  we just had some local teen kill himself because his dad kicked him out of the house because he was gay.

[lopakman]

kids that are bullies are just the rough ridin' worst.  i was never bullied as a kid, but i knew of kids who were and are pretty messed up now because of it. 

now with everyone more publicly announcing their stance on gays, it is getting worse.  we just had some local teen kill himself because his dad kicked him out of the house because he was gay.

That sucks.  It's pretty scary how far bullying can go and with social media, stuff gets out there and it doesn't go away.  I honestly don't know what I would do if one of my kids got bullied to the point they were coming home crying every day.  Probably go beat the crap out of the other kids dad or something.

[WildcatNkilt]

I was never really exposed to bullying growing up. I mean, I was, but not to the degree you hear stories about. I never saw anyone do anything extreme and really only witnessed someone cry from being bullied once or twice and that was at a really young age. by the time I was in high school it was pretty non-existant. I think growing up in a very small town sheltered me from a lot of stuff like that. it makes me sad to think about though.

Interesting.  I also grew up in a small town, but bullying was always present.  Sadly, it seemed like everyone (including myself) was too scared at a young age to stand up for the ones being bullied due to the bullies outnumbering the ones being bullied.  Because it was a small community, it wasn't easy to find a new group of people to hang out with. 

This also reminds me of the Maryville rape situation where students bullied the girl for accusing the guy of raping her.  I mean...what is wrong with people?

[slobber]

Never really been bullied cause you know 6 ft 4 inches 225 pounds of solid steel, but we raise our children to respect others and bullying is not tolerated in our household.  We also expect that if our kids notice someone else being bullied to not ignore it.  Either report it to a teacher or be willing to stand up for someone who has trouble standing up for themselves.  My  anyway.

(except the 225 solid steel)

[Mikeyis4dcats]

one of my friends 7 year old daughters had to take a leave from school because she was being bullied so bad.    A normal, healthy, 7yo girl.

[Emo EMAW]

There were a few times I wish I would have thrown a punch instead of laughing off whatever happened.  But like when you're 12 getting hit in the face hurts a lot more than when you're 30.

[steve dave]

I was never really exposed to bullying growing up. I mean, I was, but not to the degree you hear stories about. I never saw anyone do anything extreme and really only witnessed someone cry from being bullied once or twice and that was at a really young age. by the time I was in high school it was pretty non-existant. I think growing up in a very small town sheltered me from a lot of stuff like that. it makes me sad to think about though.

Interesting.  I also grew up in a small town, but bullying was always present.  Sadly, it seemed like everyone (including myself) was too scared at a young age to stand up for the ones being bullied due to the bullies outnumbering the ones being bullied.  Because it was a small community, it wasn't easy to find a new group of people to hang out with. 

This also reminds me of the Maryville rape situation where students bullied the girl for accusing the guy of raping her.  I mean...what is wrong with people?

that absolutely sucks re. your hometown. I wonder if everyone saw things the same way I did where I grew up though. I think they did but maybe I missed it.

[slobber]

I was never really exposed to bullying growing up. I mean, I was, but not to the degree you hear stories about. I never saw anyone do anything extreme and really only witnessed someone cry from being bullied once or twice and that was at a really young age. by the time I was in high school it was pretty non-existant. I think growing up in a very small town sheltered me from a lot of stuff like that. it makes me sad to think about though.

Interesting.  I also grew up in a small town, but bullying was always present.  Sadly, it seemed like everyone (including myself) was too scared at a young age to stand up for the ones being bullied due to the bullies outnumbering the ones being bullied.  Because it was a small community, it wasn't easy to find a new group of people to hang out with. 

This also reminds me of the Maryville rape situation where students bullied the girl for accusing the guy of raping her.  I mean...what is wrong with people?

and then, it seems to me that the parents in Maryville supported the bullying of the girl. That is really effed up.

In my small town, there was no bullying like you hear about today. I could probably change sd's town to mine and then say exactly what he said.

[mocat]

i never saw too much of it, and i was always annoyed by high school movies where bullying was like constant, particularly between jocks and nerds or whatever.

[lopakman]

one of my friends 7 year old daughters had to take a leave from school because she was being bullied so bad.    A normal, healthy, 7yo girl.

Do you know what happened?  This hits close to home for me because I have a 6 (almost 7) year old girl.  It scares me that bullying to this extreme could start at such a young age.  Also, did the school not get involved?  And what kind of parent would allow their kid to bully a little girl to the point of her being taken out of school. 

[Emo EMAW]

Guys one time I apparently bullied this kid (I didn't think I was bullying) and he told me about it years later and I said I was sorry and we 

So I guess what I'm saying is sometimes you're bullying and you don't know it.

[Mikeyis4dcats]

one of my friends 7 year old daughters had to take a leave from school because she was being bullied so bad.    A normal, healthy, 7yo girl.

Do you know what happened?  This hits close to home for me because I have a 6 (almost 7) year old girl.  It scares me that bullying to this extreme could start at such a young age.  Also, did the school not get involved?  And what kind of parent would allow their kid to bully a little girl to the point of her being taken out of school.

you know, IU haven't asked since he told me.    They were thinking about changing schools, but not sure.   This was even at a small Catholic school.   The school was aware of the issue, but pretty unresponsive.

[slobber]

In Jr. High we had to walk 4 blocks from the Jr. High School to the High School for band practice. On the way back to Jr. High, I kicked a beer bottle that was lying on the ground. It rolled in front of this REALLY FAT girl who I was actually always nice to. Anyway, she told the principal that I bullied her on the walk and I had to write an apology note to her. I was never as nice to her after that BS, but I never bullied her or kicked another beer bottle when she was around.

What I am saying is, "I get what you are saying EMO."

Also, she never killed herself, at least not that I am aware of.

[CNS]

Lot of ppl saying they never really saw it.  I saw a little, but nothing crazy.  I have a feeling that many say they haven't witnessed it not because it wasn't happening, but because prior to social media, it could be something of a private thing.  Bullies don't always broadcast they are assholes and those being bullied certainly wouldn't want to advertize that they are someone to be bullied.

I had a pretty wide spectrum of friends in HS and JR high that ranged from popular to not.  One or two of the latter ppl had some stories that I wouldn't have heard about if not friends with them. 

[Cire]

There is a difference between bullying and being mean or rude.   The term bully is used way too often

[CNS]

There is a difference between bullying and being mean or rude.   The term bully is used way too often

Fully agree here.

to me, bullying is repeated and focused.

[Mikeyis4dcats]

There is a difference between bullying and being mean or rude.   The term bully is used way too often

there is, but being rude or mean to a person on a persistent and consistent basis without cause would equate to bullying in my mind.

[The Tonya Harding of Twitter Users Creep]

i was definitely a bully at one point in my life. it was very uncool of me and im not proud of it.

[The1BigWillie]

I think we bully Beems. 

[Rage Against the McKee]

I didn't witness any physical bullying, but there were some kids who faced verbal assaults every day, and you could tell that it really bothered them. Nobody stepped in because it wasn't like they were getting their ass kicked or something. I'm just glad that social media didn't exist when I was in school, because I'm not sure how those kids would have coped if they had to deal with that crap even when they weren't at school.