Okay...This is what I came up with. It has a slow burn and a double middle finger in it. Let's edit this thing as a troll group to get this thing tip-top. It's a first draft so no offense will be taken by me.
Dear Doctor Holliday,
It is with much regret that I am indeed on "thin ice" and my ass may be banned. If it is any consolation, my ass is banned in at least 1 country while my dong is banned in 3 countries (long story). My inquiries into Bill Self's wife Cindy were a tad overzealous. Let’s just say that I have a friend (whom is a Doctor much like yourself) and has expressed interest in a potential motor boat scenario with Cindy Self. I was simply inquiring on the status of her current relationship as he only motor boats damaged women (which Cindy would be if the rumors are true). I know you are a gunslinger, gambler and a dentist so your diverse portfolio (which includes shootouts at the OK Corral, a diagnosis of tuberculosis and an ill-fated death at an insane asylum) makes you a decisive judge when making the prominent decision of “banning my ass”. Since we have mentioned thin ice and failing relationships, I’m reminded of a one hit wonder song “Freshman” by The Verve Pipe. In this song, the depressed heroine weeps over the loss of an aborted fetus (something Bill Self may relate to). There is a few lyrics that are rather fitting:
“We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip we'd say:
Can't be held responsible
She was touchin' her face.
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place."
It’s not Bill Self’s fault the chick he banged was a Stage 5 Clinger and we are all concerned citizens.
God Bless America and Much love,
POWL
