As all of you know, Saturday we face off in a primetime clash for the titans, but what do we know about our opponent? Are they really an adversary worthy of our respect?
The answer, my friends, is HELL NO.
EMAW vs. University of Central Oklahoma
Enrollment: 17,101
Mascot: Bronchos
Location: Edmond, Oklahoma
Motto: Where your future is Central
So, as you can see, their mascot is either a horse that hasn't taken a crap in its life or has a butt plug inserted in its rear (a common recreational activity among Oklahomans is to put butt plugs in horses. I don't know either, ask OK_Cat). Also, since it's Oklahoma and receiving a bachelor's degree from anywhere in the state is equivalent to a 3rd grade proficiency level, they spelled the name of their mascot incorrectly.
Here's the high school stadium they currently play at:
No doubt they'd make at least the quarterfinals of the Texas 5A playoffs.
They used to play in a bigger one in Norman but it got demolished, but not by a tornado as would be expected! Instead it slowly rotted away from the toxic stench that occurs when three or more Oklahomans congregate in the same place.
This man has not had a bath since the Great Depression.Like their identity-confused Sugarbearpig neighbors to the east, UCO fans can't seem to make up their minds about what their program is supposed to be. Their official colors are blue and gold and their uniforms are basically a complete rip-off of Cal's, but their mouthbreather fans decided they'd rather wear stagecoaches on their heads and wear red in the stands. All we know is that they're all about worshipping horses. When asked why this is the case, all of them will bust out trumpets and play the song "Boomer Sooner" 2,000 times in a row. Your argument is invalid.
This is their head coach, Dick McCockface, whose face utterly represents the normal face of every Oklahoman.
Prediction: While descending into a hornet's nest of horse fuckers is obviously intimidating, the fact is that the UCO Stagecoaches got their asses obliterated by Emporia last week.
EMAW rolls, 99^99 to 3.
