OFFICIAL: What Animals Do You Think You Could Take In A Fight Thread

[ben ji]

it's laughable how much I could not kick a moose's ass

https://twitter.com/ralphamsden/status/1618997279180099585?s=20&t=mL9O9at5wFgrvTEce253xQ

I would take that monkey in a heartbeat and give myself a 50% chance of coming out alive. The rest are just absurd...here they are ranked as hardest to defeat

1. Moose - You would be trampled to death in 30 seconds.
2. Hippo - Your only chance is to maybe high jump on its back and ride it like a bronco while smashing its face with your fists but I dont think that would do anything.
3. Shark - Only reason this is so low is because we dont know the conditions. Are you fighting it in water or on land? Even if we are on land in some octagon of doom I feel like the shark could roll around and crush me.
4. Monkey thing - Yeah it would be tough and it would probably rip my balls off and bite my face but if push comes to shove I think my height/weight advantage would lead me to be the victor.

[wetwillie]

I’d give you a 10% chance against the monkey if it was old and had lived its whole life in the zoo.

[ben ji]

I’d give you a 10% chance against the monkey if it was old and had lived its whole life in the zoo.

Get that sucker in a chokehold and its done. Am I going to get bit/scratched to hell and back? Yup.

But in a OOD Cage match for life or death I feel there is a better than 50% chance I come out alive which is more than I can say about the other 3.

An actual cage would actually be to the monkeys advantage since it could climb on the walls/ceiling but I still feel confident in my better than 50% chance of living. When it's swinging from the roof I could just grab its stupid tail and thor's hammer it to the ground.

[wetwillie]

Just Google Charla Nash and then fight the shark IMO.  Just have to wait for it to asphyxiate.

[cfbandyman]

it's laughable how much I could not kick a moose's ass

https://twitter.com/ralphamsden/status/1618997279180099585?s=20&t=mL9O9at5wFgrvTEce253xQ

I would take that monkey in a heartbeat and give myself a 50% chance of coming out alive. The rest are just absurd...here they are ranked as hardest to defeat

1. Moose - You would be trampled to death in 30 seconds.
2. Hippo - Your only chance is to maybe high jump on its back and ride it like a bronco while smashing its face with your fists but I dont think that would do anything.
3. Shark - Only reason this is so low is because we dont know the conditions. Are you fighting it in water or on land? Even if we are on land in some octagon of doom I feel like the shark could roll around and crush me.
4. Monkey thing - Yeah it would be tough and it would probably rip my balls off and bite my face but if push comes to shove I think my height/weight advantage would lead me to be the victor.

Yeah, none are good options but hippos are like the deadliest to humans animals, moose is lollers to try and take, and idk how you get a shark on land to beat it, in water, lol. Monkey is the only one you got a shot and it ain't great. If "picking up anything around you" is an option monkey becomes way easier, but doesn't much help the other 3.

[Katpappy]

Whop up on a monkey.... 
.

[Rage Against the McKee]

I wouldn't choose the monkey because it would probably be the most painful death of the four.

[mocat]

There's a non zero chance I could befriend a hippo and be his back scratcher or whatever he needed

[MakeItRain]

The answer is clearly the shark, because like RATM said, you're taught to punch a shark in the snout or the eye if you encounter one. Try that with the other three and see how that works out for you. A shark attack is also the most survivable of the group, the shark wants food, if you fight it will just go find an easier mark. None of the other three would want to eat you, their only goal is to eliminate the threat.

For those of you sleeping on the baboon

[Rage Against the McKee]

Yeah, that thing would rip your face off and place your balls into the cavity.

[mocat]

The shark thing is kind of like you have one chance to land a punch to save your entire life. If you whiff you are instantly chopped in half though

[KST8FAN]

... the idea was the shark come to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin’ and hollerin’ and sometimes that shark he go away… but sometimes he wouldn’t go away.

Sometimes that shark looks right at ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a shark is he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn’t even seem to be livin’… ’til he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin’. The ocean turns red, and despite all your poundin’ and your hollerin’ those sharks come in and… they rip you to pieces.


Tom

Sent from my SM-G973U using Tapatalk

[wiley]

Most sharks on the reef are skittish AF when it comes to humans.  Ive been about 15’ from a 10’ tiger shark in open water.  I had no idea it was there until it was swimming right in front of us.  You’d have no idea it was coming until you were missing an appendage.

Sharks are pud until you start talking about Bull Sharks, Tiger Sharks and the obvious Great Whites.  Most often it isn’t the shark eating you that kills, it’s bleeding out from the torso sized wound it left you while figuring out you aren’t food.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Pete]

... the idea was the shark come to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin’ and hollerin’ and sometimes that shark he go away… but sometimes he wouldn’t go away.

Sometimes that shark looks right at ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a shark is he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn’t even seem to be livin’… ’til he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin’. The ocean turns red, and despite all your poundin’ and your hollerin’ those sharks come in and… they rip you to pieces.


Tom

Sent from my SM-G973U using Tapatalk

[ben ji]

The answer is clearly the shark, because like RATM said, you're taught to punch a shark in the snout or the eye if you encounter one. Try that with the other three and see how that works out for you. A shark attack is also the most survivable of the group, the shark wants food, if you fight it will just go find an easier mark. None of the other three would want to eat you, their only goal is to eliminate the threat.

For those of you sleeping on the baboon

We are talking about an OOD death match here. Yeah, sure I could punch a shark in the ocean and it would swim away but what if it cant? One barrel roll and I'm crushed.

No doubt the baboon would eff me up but the largest baboon is like 82lbs so I feel confident I could subdue it with my height/weight advantage. If its a battle royale one man/baboon walks out alive I'm betting on myself.

[mocat]

I am enraged at ben ji thinking he has any chance at avoiding monkey-induced dismemberment

[ben ji]

I am enraged at ben ji thinking he has any chance at avoiding monkey-induced dismemberment

I will freely admit that the baboon will F me up beyond all recognition. I'm just saying if you put me in a cage with a baboon and said "Only 1 walks out alive" I feel confident I would walk out alive in bad shape.

[Rage Against the McKee]

I am enraged at ben ji thinking he has any chance at avoiding monkey-induced dismemberment

I will freely admit that the baboon will F me up beyond all recognition. I'm just saying if you put me in a cage with a baboon and said "Only 1 walks out alive" I feel confident I would walk out alive in bad shape.

 

[Rage Against the McKee]

You know how in the movies, the cops get a criminal who won't talk because "no matter what you do, it won't be as bad as what the mob will do." Well, ben ji would sing right away because the cops have guns, and those mob guys are only going to be using some rope, a blowtorch, and a set of pliers.

[wetwillie]

Only way to settle this is put a monkey in the octagon with Ben Ji and see who walks away.

[sys]

i dunno why the shark is the only animal that gets to choose where to fight.  if the shark gets to choose ocean, the moose should be able to choose 3 feet of snow or whatever.

[Spracne]

I'm still taking the moose. Crack a knee right off the bat; you can't lose.

[MakeItRain]

lol, you'd get kicked into next month

[CHONGS]

A dozen or so bees would be tough to beat.

[MakeItRain]

I got a swarmed by yellow jackets 10.5 years ago and I'm still feeling after effects to this day.