The Retired Engineer:
An embattled relic from the cold war, this engineer is the authority regarding any engineering matter that mankind and our woefully ignorant HOA may face. City engineers and workmen who put in a sidewalk were subjected to the pea gravel debate of the century -- our HOA would have proper pea gravel or there would be hell to pay. A Jewish synagogue was built behind his lot, the engineer surveyed and measured water drainage rates and the design of a retention pond and complained numerous times of the malfeasance created by those damned Jews. He walks around the temple property weekly to survey the damage created by water drainage from the parking lot. The house that is vacant and waiting to be sold; the engineer categorized and identified numerous invasive weed species and complained to the realtor. Heard a rumor that he was measuring the grass height with a ruler as well. Before this house was vacant our beloved engineer decided to sue the home builder, construction company, and HOA because the house didn't meet the minimal square footage (probably off by 200 - 500 sq ft) as determined by a survey of the 1.5 foot thick binder that is 'supposedly' the covenance which governs our beloved HOA.
So the guy is a fighter pilot who retired from the navy/air force and who used to park his helicopter in an empty lot behind his house until neighbors complained. The guy is legit and was Top Gun back in the 60's. Unfortunately now he is just batshit crazy and loves to fight. He won't back down. The HOA meetings are miserable. The old codger goes on-and-on at the HOA meetings over every damn engineering matter imaginable -- he makes the same damn complaints every year. The HOA just cuts and pastes his comments for the yearly newsletter/meeting minutes. During the last meeting he finally provided some new information when he started going off about having to kill a commie. "It was either him or me, and I'm sitting here; aren't I" was the statement that finished the story he was telling me.
The NBA Baller:
Welcome to never-rough ridin'-never land. I always thought it would be cool to have a pro (now retired) athlete as my neighbor. Would lil cracka' learn to play ball from a guy who was in the LEAGUE? Wonderful stories of other baller neighbors who were sent gift baskets had been rumored, could we be receiving a $$$ gift basket too? Just imagine who would be stopping by his house? Other ballers, celebrities, a cadre of hotties? HA! The only fairy dust this jack ass sprinkles goes up his nose or is burnt up in his bong. Wish I could win the lottery and spend all day getting high playing video games, and all night going to the bar/club.
This third-string baller hardly ever saw time in the rotation and was let go (retired) for smoking the ganja after 3 or 4 years in the league. His scouting report describes him as a big, who, if he possessed a better work ethic and more maturity would have been a serious contender. Yet, the mid-twenty year old has a home that is 1.5x larger than mine and it's paid off. My wife and I have multiple college degrees, which is wonderful because we'll need these credentials to spend the next 30 years paying for our home. In the mean-time you would think the baller could take care of his lawn and quit knocking up the baby mamas. Especially the lawn, hopefully the engineer doesn't notice the decrepid state of disrepair. Oh and the only parties he throws are for his entourage of loser, co-dependent friends who have latched on to his purse strings. It's like a f'n frat party over there all the damn time. Oh and his home was always being broken in-to; dumbass had his personal information on the net. When he was playing ball, thugs would look him up and decide to go fence the NBA players house.
The Lesbians:
Great couple of wonderful gals. Although they are in their 40's, they're still kind of hot. Both like beer, we see them at a microbrew all the time. They give out lots of candy to the kids for Halloween. And they let me use their snowblower last year. Wish we could get rid of the other losers and get a few more lesbians.
