It's kinda dumd to say "we're number 1, better than so and so and so and so." If we're #1, by definition we're better than everyone. To state the particulars is either redudant or gloating.
No, I like pointing out that we are better than Oklahoma, Alabama, and Notre Dame at selling online subscriptions. People would just assume that those schools don't sell subscriptions, otherwise.
If I say I have the biggest bag of dicks in the world you would assume that my bag has more dicks than your bag, or anyone who doesn't even have a bag of dicks, right?
Query:
Why are you collecting dicks?
Followup:
What kind of bag? Burlap? Plastic HyVee?
Final Q:
Is there a dick collecting ring out there I don't know about?
Editorial:
I remember when I was a kid and would walk all around my mamaw’s farm picking up pop bottles just so I could walk over a mile to the store and cash them in for a sack of dicks.
It seems the excitement of collecting dicks has faded away like parachute pants and cassette tapes, but when I pulled out my old bag of dicks my son started doing the MC Hammer.
Watching him go through my old dicks really brought back some memories. It was pretty amusing trying to explain why I had so many Derek Anderson dicks, who John Starks was and why did I have so many of the same dicks.
After finding out that Kobe Bryant’s dick is worth around $5,000 I had to look up the value of the rest of my NBA dicks. Let’s just say they weren’t the $5,000 ones.
I could see the love I used to have for collecting dicks in my son’s eyes and I knew it was going to cost me. He couldn’t wait to go buy a sackful of dicks and see what he could find.
We quickly realized that it’s not as easy to find dick shops anymore. It seems that collecting dicks is just not cool enough for kids to take a break from their PlayStation.
You can find a few dicks at Walmart, but they might be a year or two old. We did manage to get some dicks from this year and hoped to pull a John Wall dick, but 14 sacks later and we had no luck.
One day on the way to the office my son noticed that the little building across from the Times-Tribune had a sign up that read, Brian’s Grab Bag -o- Dick. Although it was around 9:30 p.m. he ran to the light like a moth to a flame.
Sure enough Brian was cramming his dicks into bags and he let my son in. It only took a couple of minutes to notice that this was the coolest dick shop I had ever been in. The coolest part was that Brian used to work at a dick shop that I bought dicks from several years ago.
It took us a few minutes to lose that dear-in-the-headlights look and we started spotting all the dicks of the former Kentucky players. I’m talking John Wall, Demarcus Cousins, Patrick Patterson, Eric Bledsoe and Daniel Orton dicks. The best part was he had autographed dicks from each player. He also had dicks with game worn jersey pieces in them.
I couldn’t believe how much dicks had changed over the years. Granted they are much more expensive than they were when I was cashing in pop bottles, but they are worth it.
I would highly recommend anybody that loves dicks to check out this dick shop. Let me tell you about the grab bags. You can buy a grab bag for $3 and you are guaranteed a jersey dick or an autographed dick.
The dicks are priced under book value and it makes for a great way to bond with your son.
I took my brother-in-law and his son Gavin to the dick shop and we both bought a few sacks. Of course I didn’t pull a John Wall, but guess who did? That’s right the guy that loves Tennessee.
It’s frustrating not getting the dick you want, but it also adds to the excitement of opening the next sack. My son loves it and so do I. The good news is we have a cool Wall dick on hold and after a few payments it’s mine, or ours, well actually it’s my son's like the rest of my collection.
