CONVINCE TRUSTTHEDUST TO LIKE STEVE DAVE, also STEVE DAVE'S GREATEST HITS thread

[Trim]

:DNR:

[kitten_mittons]

Part 2

In mid-October 2010, just a few days before the infamous Husker offensive seriously knocked the KSU forces on their collective asses, the 1/69th EMAW received a frantic call from a front-line goEMAW.com ELITE platoon that had just come under attack by a hellacious battalion-sized force of battle-hardened Nebraska regulars.  Eager to get into the action and save his buddies from what was quickly becoming a soul-sucking situation of intense crappiness, Steven David jumped behind the wheel of Doc’s Z-28 and started barreling ass through the Manhattan Town Center towards the sounds of distant gunfire, busting through the Flint Hills like Ripley plowing the APC to rescue the Colonial Marines in Aliens.  I have no doubt that if Paul Reiser had been in the hull, SD would have told him to suck it.
Of course, as I indicated in my lead paragraph, the terrain in rural Manhattan isn't incredibly responsive when you go around trying to plow several thousand tons of metal through it – you'd have a better chance driving an APC through Candyland on a sunny summer afternoon.  So, of course, as luck would have it, the second that Steve Dave’s Camaro approached the firefight, one of the tires blew out, rendering the vehicle immobile.  Thanks for stopping by, now please enjoy the show while you watch all your buddies get gunned down by a force that outnumbers them ten to one.
eff that noise.  Steve Dave grew up on the mean streets of the Omaha housing projects, and he wasn't going to just sit around like a dumbass while EMAW troops were out there getting shot in the head right in front of him.  Steve reached down into the pocket of his guayabera, and grabbed the only weapon that had been issued to him by the goEMAW.com department of defense, a KatPak.

Dun Dun Dunnnnn

[kitten_mittons]

Part 3
I crap you not, this crotch smasher hopped out the t-top of this heavily-armored bulletproof camaro and charged into battle against camouflaged, toothless, AK-47-toting enemy t-shirt fans armed with nothing more than WildKat Nacho Cheese Sauce, a really bad attitude, and an uncontrollable urge to kill everything in sight.  He charged into the middle of the ambush, fighting alongside the men of the trapped EMAW platoon, crushing dudes skulls with his jars and bottles of KatPak food items with incredible proficiency.  When Steve burned through the last of the KatPak, he ran back to the car, reached in, and grabbed the KatPak Head, which he eagerly then took back into the middle of the ambush.  With the Elites desperately trying to fight off an increasingly-more-deadly human wave attack, the battle soon moved into close-quarters, hand-to-hand beatdown-style combat.  Steve blasted a few guys with the KatPak Head at extreme-close range, but eventually had to discard the club head cover after he snapped it in half while smashing some dude's face in with it (seriously).

[kitten_mittons]

Part 4.

Now completely out of anything he could use as a workable weapon, SD rushed to the Camaro.  Seeing that his vehicle was still hopelessly immobile, he rushed over to his platoon Sergeant's (FFF) tank, opened the hatch, and peeked in.  FFF was badly wounded – slumped in his seat, but still breathing.  Steven heroically pulled the dude out the hatch while bullets whizzed by his head, hoisted the wounded Elite on his back, and carried the dude to a nearby Dara’s so he could receive medical attention.  Then, of course, Mr. Dave sprinted back to the tank, hood-slid across the front of it like a 70s detective movie, jumped in, and started firing the rough ridin' main cannon at the NU fans who were by now rapidly closing in on the tanks' position.  Within seconds he was spraying the battlefield with some large-caliber destruction, and holding the honor of being the guy in the battle who fired both the engagement's largest and smallest weaponry.  I say "of course" he did this, because at this point in the story nothing should really surprise you about this guy – he didn't pull any punches, didn't stop fighting for any damn reason ever, and definitely wasn't going to let anything short of death stand in the way of his super-intense, Viking-quality blood rage.

[kitten_mittons]

Final Part!!!

Eventually the main gun on the tank jammed, presumably as a result of SD firing so many goddamned tank rounds out of it so rapidly that it melted the barrel into a clumpy metallic sludge.  Once again left without a viable means for killing people, he quickly glanced around the interior of the tank, taking stock of what was available.  What he found were more KatPaks.
So, for the third time, Specialist Stephen A. Dave rushed into the middle of a raging warzone covering anything that moved with WildKat Picante Sauce.  After killing a few more NU fans (the DOOM Sign of Honor citation eventually gave up trying to tally this guy's kill totals), and burning through the rest of his KatPak, he hopped up onto the roof of his tank, exposing himself in full view to the enemy soldiers, and started mowing people down with the .50-caliber T-shirt Cat Cannon on the cupola.  By the time the smoke cleared, the EMAW forces were standing alone on the battlefield.  Steve Dave’s insane, utterly-ridiculous kill-frenzy of destruction had helped not only fight off a massive battalion of NU fans, but also rescued the stranded goEMAW.com Elite platoon from a situation in which they would have otherwise been completely humped.  He received the DOOM Sign of Honor for his actions, battled with his regiment through the KU Offensive, and survived the football season.

The End

This story was recounted by the few who survived the skirmish.

'Clams did not survive the battle, but he will not be forgotten.  (Mainly because Steven Dave cloned him and we are stuck with fake 'Clams.)


So, THERE.  TRUSTTHEDUST, I do not know you.  I do not know if you are even funny at all.  I do not care.  But if you need a reason to like SD, this would be a good one.  Or you could like him because if you don't he's going to go balls-out and rip your scalp off of your head and shove it up your ass.

[SkinnyBenny]

TTD's TWO Halloween costumes this year:


and

[WillieWatanabe]

TTD's TWO Halloween costumes this year:

YESSS

[SkinnyBenny]

P. S. If you can look at this without getting a giant boner for Kansas, then you are not a K-Statriot and you deserve a steve dave nut squashing.  But let's face it, you won't even feel it because you're dead down there.

[yoga-like_abana]

hey its LOL and WTF sign guy

[SkinnyBenny]

yup

[Saulbadguy]

rough ridin' hate those clowns. Fat Damon and his stupid entourage of stupidity.

[SkinnyBenny]

rough ridin' hate those clowns. Fat Damon and his stupid entourage of stupidity.

Maybe go to more super-exciting Washburn games then?    

[Saulbadguy]

rough ridin' hate those clowns. Fat Damon and his stupid entourage of stupidity.

Maybe go to more super-exciting Washburn games then?   

"Hey everyone, look at me! I'm going to raise my arms in the air in an attempt to get you all to yell with me!"

[SkinnyBenny]

The chairbacks are that-a-way, sir.   

[CHONGS]

Seems inappropriate for this board...

moving to combo-fanning in 5,4,3,2.....

[SkinnyBenny]

It wasn't already there?   

[bonercat]

Why dont you marry him then? 

[SkinnyBenny]

Why dont you marry him then? 

Was holding out, waiting to be asked by Awesome-O 4000.   

[bonercat]

Why dont you marry him then? 

Was holding out, waiting to be asked by Awesome-O 4000.   

I'm still saving up for that Rock. You're expecting something grandiose and I want to make sure I deliver

[Kat Kid]

This is full of win.

[SkinnyBenny]

Why dont you marry him then? 

Was holding out, waiting to be asked by Awesome-O 4000.   

I'm still saving up for that Rock. You're expecting something grandiose and I want to make sure I deliver