Author Topic: Malzahn Executed at SEC HQ (Read 3908 times)

The_Wippuh · « **on:** January 09, 2014, 10:43:11 AM »

Quote

Auburn head coach Gus Malzahn was stripped naked, thrown into a cage, and eaten alive by a pack of ravenous dogs, according to a newspaper with close ties to SEC commissioner Mike Slive.

Malzahn, who had been considered an up-and-coming coach in college football, was executed this morning after losing the BCS title game and ending the SEC’s streak of seven consecutive national championships. He was found guilty of “attempting to undermine SEC superiority.”

Birmingham, Ala.-based pro-SEC newspaper “Birmingham News” reported that Malzahn and his five top assistants were set upon by 120 hunting hounds which had been starved for five days.

Slive and Alabama head coach Nick Saban supervised the one-hour ordeal along with other SEC coaches, according to the report. The newspaper added that Malzahn and his assistants were “completely eaten up.”

In the highly scripted execution, the SEC accused Malzahn of “attempting to undermine conference superiority by all sorts of intrigues and despicable methods including not sniffing out an obvious fake punt and failing to hold a lead.”

The conference also accused him of of corruption, stealing recruits, playing a thief at quarterback and “embarrassing” clothing choices.

The SEC also today announced plans to test a missile in southeast Alabama, not far from Tallahassee, Florida.

http://www.sportspickle.com/2014/01/gus-malzahn-executed-sec-headquarters-shaming-conference-bcs-title-game-loss

Tobias · « **Reply #1 on:** January 09, 2014, 10:44:08 AM »

interesting if accurate

puniraptor · « **Reply #2 on:** January 09, 2014, 10:44:20 AM »

I accept this without question as a factual report.

'taterblast · « **Reply #3 on:** January 09, 2014, 10:49:27 AM »

if we're going to start posting the onion articles here then i just don't even

michigancat · « **Reply #4 on:** January 09, 2014, 10:52:50 AM »

that's hilarious

bones129 · « **Reply #5 on:** January 09, 2014, 02:41:25 PM »

Video?

i poo crabs · « **Reply #6 on:** January 09, 2014, 03:35:18 PM »

To the person who posted the story,

To the person who hated on the story,

sunny_cat · « **Reply #7 on:** January 09, 2014, 03:37:01 PM »

Quote from: ninglu86 on January 09, 2014, 03:35:18 PM

To the person who hated on the story,

It's @emawblast.

'taterblast · « **Reply #8 on:** January 09, 2014, 03:38:02 PM »

Quote from: sunny_cat on January 09, 2014, 03:37:01 PM

Quote from: ninglu86 on January 09, 2014, 03:35:18 PM
To the person who hated on the story,

It's @emawblast.

WE HAVE AN @ FUNCTION? i just got notified via Tapatalk about this... i didn't realize this worked...

sunny_cat · « **Reply #9 on:** January 09, 2014, 03:39:48 PM »

Quote from: emawblast on January 09, 2014, 03:38:02 PM

Quote from: sunny_cat on January 09, 2014, 03:37:01 PM
Quote from: ninglu86 on January 09, 2014, 03:35:18 PM
To the person who hated on the story,

It's @emawblast.

WE HAVE AN @ FUNCTION? i just got notified via Tapatalk about this... i didn't realize this worked...

Okay, 'blast, now I have no rough ridin' idea if you're being serious.

Tobias · « **Reply #10 on:** January 09, 2014, 03:40:08 PM »

Quote from: emawblast on January 09, 2014, 03:38:02 PM

Quote from: sunny_cat on January 09, 2014, 03:37:01 PM
It's @emawblast.

WE HAVE AN @ FUNCTION? i just got notified via Tapatalk about this... i didn't realize this worked...

what on earth? someone try @ing me so we can get something out of this thread

sunny_cat · « **Reply #11 on:** January 09, 2014, 03:40:46 PM »

Quote from: Tobias on January 09, 2014, 03:40:08 PM

Quote from: emawblast on January 09, 2014, 03:38:02 PM
Quote from: sunny_cat on January 09, 2014, 03:37:01 PM
It's @emawblast.

WE HAVE AN @ FUNCTION? i just got notified via Tapatalk about this... i didn't realize this worked...

what on earth? someone try @ing me so we can get something out of this thread

@Tobias

sunny_cat · « **Reply #12 on:** January 09, 2014, 03:41:18 PM »

If this is a real thing, I think I found my "Greatest Contribution of 2014" already.

Tobias · « **Reply #13 on:** January 09, 2014, 03:41:41 PM »

Quote from: sunny_cat on January 09, 2014, 03:40:46 PM

@Tobias

damn you @emawblast

sunny_cat · « **Reply #14 on:** January 09, 2014, 03:41:57 PM »

puniraptor · « **Reply #15 on:** January 09, 2014, 04:07:15 PM »

can you @ yourself? @puniraptor

sunny_cat · « **Reply #16 on:** January 09, 2014, 04:07:57 PM »

Quote from: puniraptor on January 09, 2014, 04:07:15 PM

can you @ yourself? @puniraptor

Here:

http://goEMAW.com/forum/index.php?topic=30758.0

yoga-like_abana · « **Reply #17 on:** January 09, 2014, 04:09:27 PM »

wut! an @function? about time!

good luck @ing me

sunny_cat · « **Reply #18 on:** January 09, 2014, 04:10:14 PM »

Quote from: yoga-like_abana on January 09, 2014, 04:09:27 PM

wut! an @function? about time!

good luck @ing me

@Trim is going to be so happy about this.

MadCat · « **Reply #19 on:** January 09, 2014, 04:28:57 PM »

What does it do? Is it just useful in tapatalk?

Havs · « **Reply #20 on:** January 09, 2014, 04:48:18 PM »

This is making Missouri justifying their move to the SEC even harder. Ts and Ps Mizzou... Ts and Ps.

Katpappy · « **Reply #21 on:** January 09, 2014, 10:06:02 PM »

Quote from: Haverhill on January 09, 2014, 04:48:18 PM

This is making Missouri justifying their move to the SEC even harder. Ts and Ps Mizzou... Ts and Ps.

Sorry if we didn't stay on track with the OP. It's just that we can't take anything said from the SEC seriously; not after their top team lost to our third rated team. Their "superiority" is now a joke.

The_Wippuh · « **Reply #22 on:** January 10, 2014, 09:47:34 AM »

Quote from: Katdaddy on January 09, 2014, 10:06:02 PM

Sorry if we didn't stay on track with the OP. It's just that we can't take anything said from the SEC seriously; not after their top team lost to our third rated team. Their "superiority" is now a joke.

Excellent point, however Saban may have lost that game on purpose according to the following...

http://www.sportspickle.com/2014/01/nick-saban-admits-enjoying-seeing-alabama-fans-suffer

Katpappy · « **Reply #23 on:** January 10, 2014, 03:22:52 PM »

Quote from: The_Wippuh on January 10, 2014, 09:47:34 AM

Quote from: Katdaddy on January 09, 2014, 10:06:02 PM
Sorry if we didn't stay on track with the OP. It's just that we can't take anything said from the SEC seriously; not after their top team lost to our third rated team. Their "superiority" is now a joke.

Excellent point, however Saban may have lost that game on purpose according to the following...

http://www.sportspickle.com/2014/01/nick-saban-admits-enjoying-seeing-alabama-fans-suffer

‘Oh, no. Saban is past his prime, but we’re stuck with him because of his new contract.’ Ha! Maybe so. Maybe the future is all Auburn and Gus Malzahn. Could very well be. And if that’s the case, I say: suck it. Suck it long. Suck it hard. You should have enjoyed it more when we were on top. These idiots meant nothing to me then and they mean nothing to me now.”